Grieving my mum and hurting a bit

[Grievingmymum]

She’s in a care home with FTD. I went in yesterday to see her, went in on Boxing Day too. I live a long distance away so in the eighteen months she’s been in care I’ve only been a handful of times.

Normally she’s asleep, she doesn’t talk much at all - maximum 4-5 words a day if that - and mostly we think she doesn’t recognise us.

Yesterday she looked right at me and she was tearful. I’m terrified she recognised me and felt sad that I’ve abandoned her. All I want to do is sit and cry and cry for my mum. She’s not yet 60 even.

She probably just has a cold… but I’m at relatives’ house, I can’t escape or use any of my normal coping (time alone), I’ve just to sit here and put up with it and it’s not that easy.

When I say she was tearful her eyes were watery/she had tears. She wasn’t crying or anything like that.

No wise words, I’m afraid, just want to say look after yourself. A horrible disease, I’m really sorry. Maybe talk to the staff later and see how your mum is ?

Aww OP I'm sorry - it's truly horrible & your Mum is very young to be enduring this. 😢

Your Mum may have just had a moment of lucidity & recognised you & been touched you were visiting her.

It's very hard - I lost my Mum in November, she had Parkinson's & associated dementia & towards the end I felt she was trying to tell me something but couldn't.

If it's possible, try and get out for a walk to give you some thinking time alone. 💐

I will do. I’ve managed to get myself 5 mins in my room on my own and had a wee cry. I think holding it in doesn’t help at all but my younger sister is here, she has a (mild) learning disability and I don’t want to upset her by being tearful. It’s so hard sometimes.

I think you are right that for a moment she knew who I was, she certainly knew who my cousin was (who was with me, but she’s much older than me - my mum’s age). It’s her house I’m staying at. I don’t want to go through and tell her I’m upset. Sitting alone has helped a little bit.

Just take the time you need for yourself.

Be kind to yourself OP. I hope you have some hood memories of you and your mom