So ashamed of myself

[Frostfair]

I got a bit drunk last night and stupidly replied to a message I’d gotten from my ex as we recently started contact again. I felt lonely being out with friends who were all coupled up and did meet him and took him back home. I don’t know why but it felt right until this morning when he was a total dick.
I said I was sore and he just replied that I’d “liked it last night” and shouldn’t complain. I wasn’t even complaining, I had just said that I was sore. There were some more shitty comments before we left as if this had meant nothing.

I know that I was an idiot and that it’s my own fault but I feel so horrible, worthless and ashamed about myself. I’m pretty sure I’ll have some bruises coming through which means that I will be reminded of this fuck up for at least a week. My friends know that we went back to mine and one has texted me already and I’m too ashamed to tell her about it. Why am I so stupid and do these stupid things

Awww.

FWIW I’ve had bruises after consensual sex. I have also slept with men knowing it was a bad idea. We don’t always act in our own best interests do we?

But don’t start the year kicking yourself about. You’ve been on the lash so just now is probably not a good time to think objectively, is it? Beer fear + ex sex = 😱

‘Why do I do these things?’ is a good question, for a few days time, but mind and treat yourself kindly - ask the question as if you were a friend you cared about, not with contempt and recrimination; you won’t get honest answers with that frame of mind.

It can be hard to let someone go, even if they’re bad for us. So yeah, what is it about? What do you want from love/life? What’s the appeal of doing what you do? I found getting a bit of calm self-knowledge on my side could keep me safe from situations I would later regret. Some of us need to make mistakes to learn, right?

Draw a line under it, and him, if you can. Today is a new day. You did something drunk you wouldn’t have done sober. Not a major deal. We’ve all been there. Your ex is a prick in all states by the sounds of it, but so many of us have done the same.

Don’t waste headspace on him, ring your pals back, enjoy your day.

You’re not the first person to do this. If you’re hungover that will be making you feel worse. You don’t need to tell your friends anything, just block him and delete his number so you don’t do it again.

Get out for a walk, have an early night and tomorrow things will seem so much better.

You have nothing to be ashamed of. You hooked up and it sounds like all went well until you told him that you felt sore. His reaction to this really tells you everything you need to know. A kind and empathetic man would have reacted very differently here. Block him and count your blessings that he is an ex.

So he was rough with you physically last night and mentally this morning. Don't speak to that lousy person again.

No use crying over spilt milk. What's done is done

But, I suggest you focus on how to avoid making a similar mistake in future eg reduce alcohol and / or block your ex before going on a night out

Get checked out
Get morning after pill if condom was not used
Block your ex and get on with your life

Don't be hard on yourself. Move onwards and upwards into 2024!

I like to think of these dumb reunions as further proof of why we broke up, makes it much easier to stay broken up.

In a way you can be thankful he was shitty the next morning, he reminded you who he really is.

Oh honey never let a man rough you up like this. I don’t know what you agreed to but pain and bruises the day after are a clear sign that this wasn’t right. Block and delete and never deal with him again.

OP plenty of people have shagged an ex and regretted it, please don't be hard on yourself. Dust yourself off and block him if he's a dick.

Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, OP. Chalk it up to experience and keep well away from him when alcohol is involved.

Ach, we’ve all been there, OP. It’ll feel much worse today as the booze will still be exiting your system, it’s the beer fear.
Have a mope today and put it behind you tomorrow. And don’t reply to his texts.

The positive you can take from this is that there’ll be no more revisiting of this particular relationship. It’s done, it’s dusted and it’s closure. Onwards and upwards now OP, you can close this book up.

Rewind to last night you wanted company wanted sex it ends there

you have done absolutely nothing wrong it was a shag with an ex to end the new year

If you were ok doing what you did, then no one has any right to judge you. It's no one's else's business

Everyone makes mistakes. Don't be so hard on yourself. Block the shit out of him though.
Learn and move on. And learn to socialise without having to get drunk!