Does anyone else's parents/in laws expect you to celebrate their birthday with them every year?

[confusedlots]

On my own parents birthdays sometimes I will see them and sometimes not, they don't make a big deal about their birthdays, we send a card, flowers etc, we might have them for lunch if we haven't seen them for a while. And we would often go out for dinner if it was a big birthday.

But the in laws expect us to celebrate their birthdays with them and I am starting to tire of it because one of the in laws birthdays is on New Year's Day. So every New Year's Day for the last 10 years we have all had to sit down to another formal family 3 course dinner, and it is honestly the last thing I want to do after a week of eating and socialising. And I have seen the in laws 3 times in the past week so I don't even have much left to chat about!

So here I am getting ready for another day of formalities when I would actually love to just have a lazy morning at home, then a big walk on the beach with just my own little family, stopping for a hot chocolate somewhere and just generally having a relaxed day.

There's no way we could say we're not going to the birthday meal and head off to the beach instead! And I feel like this is going to be my fate on New Year's Day for years to come!

If I wasn't planning another short break in December next year I'd be booking a cottage somewhere over new year next year to give us an excuse!

Oh well, rant over, and happy new everyone!

To me it’s part of being a family. I love them and enjoy helping them feel special and loved.

I dunno…just seems a bit selfish to me to prioritise yourself in a situation like this (assuming non toxic relationships etc). But I’m coming from the perspective of a reciprocal relationship - in laws do stuff for me, celebrate me on my birthday in the way I like (which is v minimal fuss), so why wouldn’t I do the same for them? And OP seems to be saying they would go for the meal if it wasn’t NYD, therefore I don’t think the fact it’s NYD should stop them.

@Familiaritybreedscontemptso there are no toxic relationships and we all get on really well. But after a full on week of hosting, being hosted, socialising, eating three course meals, I would just love some downtime on New Year's Day to start the new year off feeling like I've actually had some sort of break before heading back to work. But instead it seems I'm resigned to another full day of this and it's expected of of us every year. Maybe that makes me selfish, but that's just how I feel.

Anyway, today hasn't actually been too bad, partly because we haven't made a full day out of like we usually would .We came a bit later than we usually would so I got a bit of a lazy morning. And the kids are exhausted so I'm going to make our excuses after the next round of food and head home.

And next year I am definitely factoring in a day or two of downtime over the festive period.

No. Never. I recommend living at least 100 miles away 😉

No we don’t spend birthdays with them. Have done if it’s a big one but not normally. Might see them at some point but the whole day would not be based around them.

Threads like these make me so grateful DH doesn’t have a family like that. After childhood, birthdays are for adults to decide what they want to do.

We have the opposite the IL don't notice/remember/celebrate any of our birthdays. Occasionally I've invited them for a bBq loosely to celebrate DH and DD birthdays (they both have summer birthdays) but they can rarely make it. They even forgot DH milestone birthday which I felt sad about on his behalf

My inlaws have birthdays on consecutive days in the summer ... and yes, we are pretty much expected to go up there to celebrate every year. They live 100 miles away. I think it's a bit much but at least both are done and dusted on the same visit.

It sounds like you over committed over the festive period.

Seeing them but for a few hours is a reasonable compromise though.

@confusedlots Glad it ended up better than you feared.

I do get it, my mum’s birthday is just after Christmas and the last thing I usually feel like doing is more celebrating but I know she’s always had that because everyone feels like that post Christmas so actually, making the effort to celebrate with her is really important.

Why not book 2nd off work too next year so you can have a quiet day after NYD?