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Original poster

Travelling with different surname to children

51 replies

Anonymousposter17 · 31/12/2023 21:34

Is this an issue? In the past I recall reading stories of mums with different surnames to their children having difficulties at airports. Is this still a thing?

i currently have the same surname as my kids but am divorced from their father and will soon be marrying a new partner. I’d like his name ideally and the issue of travelling with my kids is the only thing holding me back.

OP posts:
AmazingDayz · 31/12/2023 21:36

It’s not surnames. All parents need permission from the other parent if they have PR

Igotjelly · 31/12/2023 21:36

I did this previously (before DD’s name was changed to my married one) and just made sure to carry my birth certificate with the name that matched DD’s and her birth certificate naming me as her mum. Never had any issues plus had the added complexity of DD being mixed race and me white so she doesn’t look like my DD at first glance.

TigerOnTour · 31/12/2023 21:38

How old are the kids? Would their father refuse to write a letter for you to show if asked at the airport?

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Families
Igotjelly · 31/12/2023 21:38

I’ve also travelled without permission from EXH previously (he’s an enormous cock womble frankly who would refuse to provide it out of spite) and never had an issue.

Original poster
Anonymousposter17 · 31/12/2023 21:38

AmazingDayz · 31/12/2023 21:36

It’s not surnames. All parents need permission from the other parent if they have PR

Is that actually monitored? I took my two abroad this year with my new partner and nobody checked I had their dad’s permission. I did have his permission incidentally. We are totally amicable and no issues in that regard. Likewise he’s taken them abroad without me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anonymousposter17 · 31/12/2023 21:40

TigerOnTour · 31/12/2023 21:38

How old are the kids? Would their father refuse to write a letter for you to show if asked at the airport?

9 and 11. Their dad would write a letter yes if needed. They would obviously be old enough to confirm I’m their mum too. And I could provide birth cert which has my married name on with subsequent marriage cert showing my change to new name. Would this actually be necessary?

OP posts:
GodlessCommie · 31/12/2023 21:43

I've taken my kids everywhere from Iceland to Russia and never had a problem with different names. Or ever asked my ex's permission. I mean when I say 'never a problem', there was that time armed German police marched my kid into a room at the airport and questioned him about the backpack full of wires, but it turns out 'Nintendo Switch' is the same in every language so it worked out OK.

SnowsFalling · 31/12/2023 21:44

The letter from the kids father plus a birth cert (and the corresponding info for our name change) will be the most powerful.

It's not just names. I have the same surname as the kids, and have been stopped before now. The first time DH was in the airport. After that I carried a copy of his passport with a printed and signed letter saying he gave permission -although usually a few questions and we were waved through.

TroglodytesTroglodytes · 31/12/2023 21:45

I’m divorced and have a different surname to my children. I’ve/they’ve never been questioned about that when travelling. There are plenty of children that have different surnames to their mothers and also plenty of countries where it isn’t standard for women to change their names on marriage.

Psychoticbreak · 31/12/2023 21:46

I am not sure how it can be monitored. Mine do have my surname but dads name is not on the birthcert and I dont carry a copy of it so not sure how you can prove you are taking your kids away with or without 'permission' from the other parent.

Dox9 · 31/12/2023 21:47

I take dd's birth cert copy when we travel without dh. We have different surnames and different european citizenships & passports. I have been asked for the birth cert but they just inspect it and wave us through.

Original poster
Anonymousposter17 · 31/12/2023 21:48

TroglodytesTroglodytes · 31/12/2023 21:45

I’m divorced and have a different surname to my children. I’ve/they’ve never been questioned about that when travelling. There are plenty of children that have different surnames to their mothers and also plenty of countries where it isn’t standard for women to change their names on marriage.

Well yes, this is what I thought. In many cultures people have a different name, don’t they?

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 31/12/2023 21:54

It's not always monitored.

I used to get asked loads more with DS1 because I have a different surname to him. They would ask him directly who I was and who DH was. They also scrutinised my passport and one time told me my appearance had changed substantially and I should get it changed. (But did let me through!)

I took DS3 through this year on a different nationality passport and nobody said anything at all Confused

I don't know if it's because I'm only 20 years older than DS and present even younger, so they have automatic suspicions of who is this person, whereas I was 33 when DS3 was born so I look like an ordinary middle aged mum of a toddler, or whether it's the different surnames.

I never carried a note from XP because I don't even know where he lives and haven't spoken to him in 13 years except once when I had to ask his mum to ask him to write and sign a letter to allow DS to get an emergency passport to travel for a family death.

Nobody has ever asked to see any paperwork. I think once they told me I should have had a letter and I explained my ex was estranged.

I do carry a note from DH just in case but I get a bit pissed off about it because I think it is security theatre.

Nonamesleft1 · 31/12/2023 21:55

Agree it’s not surnames- many cultures don’t have the naming system we do and parents/children have different names.

school trips travel all the time with unrelated adults, let alone different surnames.

there are other red flags that are watched for.

fwiw last time I travelled in a big group of parents with their children for a rugby tournament. The only two that got stopped had the same surname as their kids, and as they were married, all had same name etc hadn’t thought to bring permission documentation. They very nearly didn’t make the flight.

driftingdownintomiami · 31/12/2023 22:00

This is one of those things I've read about on mumsnet and never experienced. My kids have different a surname to me, never been an issue at all at passport control.

AmazingDayz · 31/12/2023 22:18

It’s not a mumsnet thing, the government website states you need permission

Hoglet70 · 31/12/2023 22:22

DS has a different name to exDX so whenever he travels with his Dad I have always given a letter giving my permission. Nobody has ever asked to see it.

WetBandits · 31/12/2023 22:24

Neither of my divorced parents were ever asked to provide written permission from the other parent for me to travel abroad with them as a child, not sure if the rules have changed now?

HamstersAreMyLife · 31/12/2023 22:25

My DH had to show the kids birth certificates when he took them without me on return to the UK

audweb · 31/12/2023 22:27

we have been stopped and it’s been double checked who I am to my daughter - its just been a who is this, to my kid and she has said mum. I guess if they felt she was acting odd they would take it further. They pulled us out of the normal passport check line to do this, so it was just a solo person travelling with a kid that must have flagged the extra check. Also, we are different in appearance - my child is bi racial - not sure if that’s what also gets their attention.

I carry a letter from her dad, but to be fair we are amicable and he doesn’t mind.

birth certificate maybe? Just so you can prove the names match up.

I should say this has only happened on the way into the UK never leaving or arriving elsewhere.

Nonamesleft1 · 31/12/2023 22:48

WetBandits · 31/12/2023 22:24

Neither of my divorced parents were ever asked to provide written permission from the other parent for me to travel abroad with them as a child, not sure if the rules have changed now?

I have never been asked either.

doesn’t mean there isn’t a rule. If you are stopped the officials can prevent you from travelling if you can’t provide proof you have permission from all parties with parental responsibility.

WetBandits · 31/12/2023 23:25

Nonamesleft1 · 31/12/2023 22:48

I have never been asked either.

doesn’t mean there isn’t a rule. If you are stopped the officials can prevent you from travelling if you can’t provide proof you have permission from all parties with parental responsibility.

Show quote history

That’s why I said that I wasn’t sure if the rules had changed.

WantToChangeUsername · 31/12/2023 23:43

I have different surname to my dcs, and was asked when travelling (on our way back in the uk). The border force officerl was nice enough and told me, next time I'd need either marriage certificate or birth certificates, and usually this would mean checking with other parent (I'm assuming call to ensure they knew where children were), but was letting me off this time. This happened about 5 years ago, and I always carry birth certificates now- funnily enough no one has asked since!

cakeorwine · 31/12/2023 23:50

AmazingDayz · 31/12/2023 21:36

It’s not surnames. All parents need permission from the other parent if they have PR

Never been checked when travelling with DS.
It's always been Europe though.

FreezyFord · 31/12/2023 23:51

I have and carried the court order. Was asked about the name a couple of times