Advice for fussy eater DD

[Combusting]

Our DD is 4 next month and like our DS8 is fairly lean/petite (they’ve both always been 25th centile and on it since birth).

DS8 has the appetite of a dinosaur and is extremely adventurous in his tastes. We are talking - smoked salmon, spicy guacamole, black olives, very strong cheese, and adult portions of salmon, eggs, fish. A particular love of his is mozarella of feta salad. how he eats the amount he eats and stays on the 25th centile is beyond anyone. His only hate is rice and potatoes so we have to be inventive about that to replace those with other things.

DH and I are foodies and I have a passion for cooking. Together with DS then you see our dinners and meals are diverse and yummy (we think!)

DD however absolutely hates green veg, salads and most proteins. She won’t touch what DS eats mostly with a barge pole. I am very concerned and wondered whether -

1. we continue to offer as normal whatever the family is eating which then means she’s offered my home style chicken curry or nachos with guacamole and says no no no no

2. or we only offer what she likes to be 100% sure she will eat and get the nutrition.

DD’s list of acceptable foods are -

1. Milk (could drink gallons of it)
2. Cheddar cheese (and absolutely no other cheese/cream/mayo/anything that looks white - got to be cheddar)
3. Broccoli
4. Cauliflower
5. Cucumbers
6. Grapes
7. Berries
8. Chicken (if she consents)
9. SalmoN or smoked salmon
10. Garlic bread
11. Bread
12. Butter
13. Potatoes in most forms
14. pasta as long as there is no white looking sauce involved

She will not touch any other fruit or veg or juice or smoothie or yogurt. Hates eggs.

You can also see - with DD adoring potatoes and DS nearly tearful at the sight of potatoes - meals are hard to bulk up.

They both have a multivitamin gummy but I’m not sure they contain anything (suggestions welcome).

I have stopped worrying about why DS is so lean/thin because - despite my parents admonishing us for not feeding him apparently - we can see with our eyes the variety and volume he puts away.

But getting worried about DD and how little she eats. Not even sure what a 3-4 year old’s portion sizes should look like.

I think there’s a middle ground to be had by giving her something she likes and something you like. She has food that she will eat from all the food groups, and she’s likely to get less fussy as she gets older, so just make sure there’s enough on her plate that she will eat and sometimes maybe you’ll all just have to have a plainer meal than you’d choose.

I put all food in the middle of the table and they can take what they like.
I never comment. Sometimes they tried different things and others they just ate one item.
I never made food a battle.

She ears similar to my DS5, except he eats zero vegetables. The closest we get to vegetables is tinned tomatoes on a pizza.

I am on the brink of taking him to the doctors to see if we can see a nutritionalist.

Follow solid starts it's a fantastic account which gives advice on picky eating for toddlers it's brilliant and has been created by professional dieticians etc.

Honestly that list isn't bad. Mine currently eats weetabix and hummus and that's about it. They go through different phases so just keep offering her what you're having but also a couple of things you know she'll eat. You can't make it a thing, pressure is the worst thing for children at mealtimes. They are very good at regulating their own appetites.

Portion sizes for young children are quite small. The Caroline Walker trust has some good resources online that shows photos of portions of different types of food.

You say she is fussy but she eats quite a wide variety of stuff - the list you have given us has fruit and veg on there plus protein and carbs. There's an awful lot to work with on that list
And they both like pasta it seems. I would take approach option 1 and carry on as normal. Don't start only feeding her things she will eat as you will start to narrow the options. There's nothing wrong with them being on the 25th percentile - they're not under weight or overweight. Also there is a huge difference in what an 8 year old boy can eat Vs a 4 year old girl so I think your expectations of your DD are not fair on her.

My DD lived on Weetabix and Spaghetti Hoops (literally) for about a year. It's all we could get in her and I stressed so much. But I stopped fighting it and just acknowledged at least she was eating.

She's much better now although definitely only has about 5ish meals she's happy to eat. When we're introducing something new, I make sure it's on a plate with a few things I know she does like (so for us, that's tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers etc.) so she has something to start her off.

Although it's not a foolproof way of her wanting the new thing, I find she is 90% more likely to at least try the new thing.

Sounds a lot like my two DC. Luckily we have noticed a huge improvement in DC2 since they started school. Suddenly they will happily sit and eat a decent hot meal with us all - Christmas dinner was actually enjoyable rather than stressful this year. They now suddenly eat things mixed up and in sauces which is a joy. You may find the same thing happens?

I agree with greyhairdontcare. Put the food in the centre of the table. Let the children eat what they want from the choices available. But ensure there’s always options both kids eat.

It sounds like she eats enough variety for a balanced diet. I would avoid making food a battle and remember that you can balance nutrition over a day/week. Keep offering a wide variety, or a spoonful on the plate, with no pressure to taste it.

Missing the point but does that really make your DS extremely adventurous eater?.

I think you need to take food out of categories as plain or adventurous- that won't be helping your DD.

Those things he's eating are normal foods imo

I didn’t list everything DS eats. My point isn’t that avocado is more “adventurous” than tomato. Rather that DS appears to want to try/sample/actively seek out newer flavours (as in newer to his tastebuds) and relishes chances to do so. For example he really enjoys making dips with me or helping with recipes and coming up with combinations. Sometimes he doesn’t like what he’s been excited about and that’s totally okay!

DD is little - half his age so a comparison isn’t at Al fair of me to make! However it’s just that DD approaches the table with a long list of things she won’t eat/doesn’t like and us far more picky.

I think All your ideas on this thread - and I think perhaps two key things are - 1) not to make food the issue/battle/a “thing” and 2) to keep offering both what she is guaranteed to eat and what she isn’t going to eat (for now) but just is our regular meals.

thanks all!