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Original poster

Twat of an exH (vent)

7 replies

medianewbie · 31/12/2023 16:54

ExH & I signed our Separation Agreement (Scotland) in December & the Divorce will proceed next year.
We have 2 teens with ASD who prefer to see him at 'their house' (he does NO parenting himself).
To be civil, I said he could come for Christmas Lunch, probably around 2pm but a bit flexible as kids ASD can affect things). He sent 3 texts & 2 voicemails Xmas Day before 12 wanting to know 'what was happening' (the last quite shirty). I did rhe whole of Xmas & let him join in. For 2 days.
To my surprise he invited the eldest kid across to his flat last night. Tbf, 'kid' is 19, but doesn't drive, buses stop early & it's 10m away. Kid has form for losing his door key too. I asked that eirher/both text me to let me know if Ds was going to stay over or not (so I could lock up for bed & not worry about strange noises etc - I'm physically disabled & can't get downstairs quickly).
No comms from either until 3.30 this afternoon. I think that's rude & said so. Apparently I'm now 'possibly un-invited from Dinner out as you are being a nag' (was to be a thank you for Xmas Dinner). No 'Christmas invite' next year!

OP posts:
Original poster
medianewbie · 31/12/2023 17:19

Am making a pot of tea to calm down.

OP posts:
GrettaGreen · 31/12/2023 17:24

Unless there's an associated learning disability then you need to bring it up with your son as this is his responsibility as an adult that lives in the home.

Original poster
medianewbie · 31/12/2023 17:30

Re DS: I have. His ASD affects his cognitive processing so it's going to take longer for it to get through but he'll get there in the end. Not helped by exH demonstrating poor behaviour though.

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PlasticOrchid · 31/12/2023 17:55

GrettaGreen · 31/12/2023 17:24

Unless there's an associated learning disability then you need to bring it up with your son as this is his responsibility as an adult that lives in the home.

Wow, she clearly said this in the OP.

GrettaGreen · 31/12/2023 18:17

Huge swathes of people with ASD aren't diagnosed with an additional learning disability despite needing a bit more time to process info (ie reduced iq).

My personal opinion would depend on his level of functioning - for example if your son went to a mainstream school, I'd probably vote YABU, if he wasn't able to attend mainstream I'd instead vote YANBU. I work with young adults with ASD and/or learning disabilities and I would expect those on the spectrum that don't have an intellectual impairment to take responsibility for contacting mum when needed if away from home.

I understand your frustration OP, I just think it's not automatically your ex husbands fault when your son is now a legal adult.

Original poster
medianewbie · 31/12/2023 18:32

Ds isn't very independent, no.
But I was more angry that his Dad 'uninvited me for being a nag' in front of him. What does that teach him about social mores? Plus the hypocrisy re Christmas Day annoyed me rather (I did post in 'Chat' rather than 'AIBU')

OP posts:
GrettaGreen · 31/12/2023 18:36

Yeah your ex is def being a dick about uninviting you

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