My brother has blocked me but I desperately want to talk to him

[Bluewallss]

My brother is 6 years older than me and I haven’t seen him physically since I was 12. We share a dad but have different mothers. His mother and my dad had 50:50 custody so I would see him regularly. We also have another sibling who is my full sibling.

My dad had an accident which caused a severe brain injury when I was 12, which is why we never saw each other since. He was in ICU for months, then rehab for 2 years before he had a stroke which left him for lack of a better term a vegetable. He survived for many years after that before dying of cancer. That was about 8 years ago now.

What happened to my poor poor father had a huge effect on the whole family, how life could be so cruel to such a kind and wonderful person. My brother only saw my dad once in ICU and never saw him again. He did not see him when he was in the rehab ward, his nursing home or attend his funeral.

A few years ago I found him on social media. He had posted about leaving a mental health inpatient facility. I messaged him to say how much I desperately missed him and hoped he was ok. We talked for a few days and it was amazing to just catch up. We never spoke about dad, he just asked a lot about mine and my other siblings life. We were going to arrange to meet up (his offer) but then he went silent. I respected his silence, he’s going through a lot so I wanted to wait until he was ready.

Two months ago I messaged him again, no reply. He hadn’t updated his social media so I thought he must not use it any more, but if he ever logged in again he’d see my message. I looked at his social media a few days ago just because I was thinking of him and he’s blocked me. I’m honestly heartbroken. I’d love to speak to him again, but I guess he’s either not ready or just wants to forget about me.

I don’t really know what to do next. I know the answer is to take him blocking me as the message but it’s just so hard to accept honestly. I’m just posting to ask if anyone has any advice.

My advice is to not take it too personally. If he's left a mental health facility he obviously has his own issues going on and maybe isn't able to deal with the relationship with your right now. It might not be anything to do with you personally, but the connection to the trauma of his father's problems might be something he can't handle right now. I think you just have to accept that, for whatever reason, he's not wishing to be on contact right now. Leave the door open and maybe he will be in future.

That's so hard. I think that fact that he recently left a mental health facility means he is dealing with some serious life issues and maybe doesn't have the space to cope with anything else right now.

I guess you don't know his feelings around Dad and you will represent something for him that he might not be ready to deal with.

I would leave him be for a year and then reach out again

I think you just have to respect his wishes OP, that's the bottom line. However painful it is he has the right to live privately or separately. If he is struggling with his mental health or has done in the past perhaps he does not want to revisit his childhood/younger life or those matters at this time or even at all. Presumably should he change his mind he knows how he can get hold of you, or find you on social media.

Instead perhaps look to process this yourself in other ways - eg speak to a family therapist, or grief counsellor. It sounds difficult and painful but there are ways forward that can help how you feel and how you accept this that don't involve forcing contact with your sibling, which won't help matters even if you found a way.

He may not have blocked you, he might have disabled his account xx