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Original poster

Lacking motivation, or am I just lazy?

20 replies

gentlemum · 30/12/2023 22:13

Has anyone got any tips for how they motivate themselves to get stuff done? The to do list is endless with housework, parenting, life admin and in the end when I get a moment when my son is napping or once he's in bed all my plans to do anything go out the window and I just sit down scrolling on my phone. I need to eat healthier, get more exercise, have books I want to read, or if I get spare time have hobbies I'd like to do but instead I just lounge and do nothing. I also then go to bed too late every night for this reason and wake up tired every day and then can't be bothered to do anything. Am I just lazy?! I've tried having to do lists and plans for each day but I still don't do it then just feel like a failure. Any tips of what works for anyone else would be appreciated!

OP posts:

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 30/12/2023 22:19

YouTube.

When I want to clean and can't be bothered, I start watching how clean is your house and obsessive compulsive cleaners etc.

When I want to exercise but can't be bothered, I watch my 600lb life, 1000lb sisters, supersize v superskinny etc. The most gluttonous, the quicker I get on the cross trainer.

SparkleyMud · 30/12/2023 22:22

Try to do the teeniest tiniest of steps first like instead of trying to clean the kitchen in nap time. Just try to take out the sponge and antibac spray. Then see what happens.

TomeTome · 30/12/2023 22:25

Go clean your toilet and your kitchen sink, right now. See how fast you can do it and post when it’s done.

Teasie123 · 30/12/2023 23:14

Listen, I feel like you're describing me every day! I am constantly fighting with myself. Am I lazy??

BobGalaxy · 30/12/2023 23:29

I listen to podcasts. I'm much more motivated as soon as I press play, as I'm invested in what I'm listening to so the job at hand becomes secondary to it.

Teasie123 · 30/12/2023 23:30

Just wondering, bob, what podcasts do u listen to? Am only getting into them now, and would love some suggestions.

doriangraybutimthepaintingintheattic · 30/12/2023 23:35

Motivation is a myth. I literally never want to clean. I just get up and do it. Non negotiable - no two days in a row without training and tidy the kitchen every day.

If it's not a non negotiable then is it fuck getting done.

Set a deadline or goal and get it done.

restingrichface · 30/12/2023 23:37

Firstly, you have to understand motivation is a lie. It's sparks of inspiration but it won't get the job done or get you over the finish line.

You need something to inspire you to want to live/be better. YouTube of people doing similar tasks etc really helps. You need to attach a feeling to it so that when it's complete you'll feel a sense of achievement and for a lot of us, comparing ourselves to others works a treat.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 31/12/2023 00:12

I know how you feel as I have underactive thyroid and my energy levels so low and I used to be obsessive about cleaning and now just do what really need to do, dishes sitting there and I had got into the habit of doing daily and now is a pile and cannot face it. Floors need to be washed and clothes sorted and have no energy at all to do it. Try to do a small bit daily, in quick short bursts. I give bathroom quick daily clean and worktops in kitchen. Keep on top of laundry but all an effort. Would love a cleaner.

verrymerryberry · 31/12/2023 00:47

I went through this about 15 years ago and bought a book called motivated mind by raj persaud (from Richard and Judy days!) wasn't laziness for me but I think burnout and just needing to recharge a bit from feeling Frazzled and everything get over whelming.

I had some talking therapy too and the psychological wellbeing practitioner (I think that is the name) said aim for one necesaary (eg book car service), one routine (clean kitchen) and one pleasurable (eg read a book) activity a days.

Im a a million miles from that place - much happier and plodding on and getting shit done but a few things have struck me:

I've got rid of to do lists that my first thing. Unless it's like time critical like book car service or cancel credit card before a fee etc. but they are few and far between. To do lists mock me and my failures!
I do one thing at a time. I dont Even think about what's next until I have finished the most critical job. Eg tidy kitchen. I'm also lowered my standards and far to infrequently mop the floor!
I've started listening to things like audio books, YouTube videos or TV programmes (sometime with audio description on). This means that I can listen with wireless headphones and do jobs at the same time. I listen to 15 hours of prince harry reading spare.
Sometimes I set a 10 minute timer and see how much I can do. If I feel bad I stop. If I get started and can see the end I often crack on!

verrymerryberry · 31/12/2023 00:56

I should that in a massive turning for this couch potatoes I've started exercising and since April I have been swimming consistently 3-5 times a week 20-40 lengths (500m to 1km or more)

I feel better for it BUT it is not a magic wand and do not expect life to be magically better because you exercise. Although I am happier which must be linked in some way. My health hasn't improved drastically and I don't feel massively fitter. I must be though although I'd hope so.

It was easy for me as DH is obsessed with swimming and has been for the 8 years we have been together and does completions and triathlons and all that smug stuff.

It helps me to as I feel refreshed and if forces me to have a shower and do hair so I do t have to motivate myself to do that. I find daily showering such a chore!

DNLove · 31/12/2023 01:32

As someone mentioned above, you can't create motivation, it's driven my determination. I used to always put things off cause "I won't have time between zoom meetings" then one day I timed it. I had 3 mins between calls and was able to empty dishwasher. Start with single tasks not big statements. I'm gonna wipe the counters vs. I'm going to clean the kitchen. Also put the phone in a different room. My intention for 2024 is to reduce phone time. Standing scrolling through shite when I could spend 10 mins tidying and see a real difference.

AvacadoFieldsForever · 31/12/2023 01:49

Discipline kick’s motivations butt every time, you can’t wait for perfect conditions.

Do small manageable things daily forever rather than burn out with over acheivements. Do a 10m YouTube workout when child is awake. Buy 2 new healthy items at the supermarket. Stick a podcast on or YouTube or tv while you are washing up. Do one key task a day rather than a life sucking to do list. Set time for scrolling and nice coffee so you enjoy it and don’t feel guilty. Tiny things.

NuffSaidSam · 31/12/2023 01:52

Sometimes I set a 10 minute timer and see how much I can do.

This really works well for me. I think if you set the 10 minute timer for the beginning of nap time then you know you just have to do the ten minutes and then you can enjoy the rest of naptime, guilt free. The chances are once you're stuck in, you'll probably do more.

If you do a few ten minute timers through the day you can get loads done.

JingleSnowmanTree · 31/12/2023 01:55

I just do not have the energy/wellness. It's not about motivation (for me) I need a new GP. I might spend the money & go to a women's clinic & see what they can do for me.

CeriB82 · 31/12/2023 07:24

Its just overwhelming and you don’t know where to start.

make a list of rooms then list the tasks. You dont have to do it all immediately but once you start, you will see a difference then hopefully start to enjoy the changes.

Hardbackwriter · 31/12/2023 07:45

The things I've had the most success with are:

anchoring it to something else in your routine - e.g. exercising before you shower in the morning, hoovering straight after dinner, reading for 30 mins before bed. Having a concrete time to do it rather than just 'at some point'
keeping that routine by allowing yourself to do less but not nothing - e.g. if you really don't want to run you just go for a walk, you can clean for just 5 mins, you just read two pages of your book. As others have said this often turns into you doing the original intended thing anyway but the important thing is to keep the routine.
this is personality-dependent, but I do well with a bit of gamification, e.g. being able to see how often I've exercised and my performance on an app, having a tick able to-do list (paper or electronic), keeping a list of all the books I've read in a year - doing something that makes you feel you can see progress.

All that said, I also wondered how young your child is, given you mentioned nap time, and whether you actually should be cutting yourself a bit of slack at the moment? With DS1 I was desperately trying to force myself to do loads of things on mat leave, get back into reading and current affairs, get back into shape as quickly as i could. I think I had a fear that if I didn't do it straight away none of it would ever come back. With DS2 I knew that wasn't the case and allowed myself much more of a baby bubble where I didn't do much else. They're nearly 3 and 5 now and it's all much easier: I read, I exercise, I go to the cinema, I know what's going on in politics, we manage to maintain a reasonable house. Particularly if you're sleep deprived then I think it's fine to leave some of this to later.

Iwishiwasasilentnight · 31/12/2023 08:01

Accept that you will never get to the end of your to do list

Motivation only comes after you start doing it.

Write a list of things which need to be done every day. TOMM is good for this. Then keep a to do list on your phone, buy Helen a birthday gift, look at summer holidays, return M and S order and do the one most important or the thing you’ve been putting off.

Listen to music or podcast while you’re getting things done.

Remmy123 · 31/12/2023 09:15

Write a list

set a timer

You will feel great when you can see everything being ticked off

Original poster

gentlemum · 01/01/2024 14:10

Thank you all for your brilliant suggestions! I love them and can see them really working. I always feel like new year is a good time to get into new habits so I'm going to try hard with all of this.

To answer someone's question, my son is 20 months and I'm currently 7 months pregnant! I do think I need to lower my expectations to not feel like a failure every day, but I want to get into some kind of routine and better organisation!

OP posts:

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