Lonely AF

[CoffeeLover90]

I'm not here for advice, more of a rant really... I'm a single, completely solo parent. I've family who will not help with child care.
Hobby/Community groups have to be out of the question- I work full time, which is covered by school and paid childcare
Dating- haha
Friends- ?
To cut a long story short the ex left me isolated from anyone I grew close to. These people I haven't spoken to for around 15 years. Some moved to different parts of the country. Doesn't seem possible to reconnect now.
I've no opportunity to broaden my social circle. Those I work with have full lives themselves, families and their own network. We're close but there doesn't seem to be an opportunity to socialise outside of work.
Friends, I have a couple of close ones, each with their own families, work etc and in an emergency situation they'd help with DS so how can we do anything together if they're my only childcare?

I hate this time of year. Everyone has plans and it just emphasises the loneliness I feel.

This too shall pass I know. But the man who has me in this situation is out there free as a fucking bird and I only have myself to blame.

I hope no one ends up like me. It feels like no life at times. I'm just sailing through,until the next storm.

@Hubblebubble It's flexi but with a limit on what times I can be logged in, flexi is used to accommodate around childcare already and any appointments that may be needed.
Honestly, I'll be fine. It's a phase, it will pass, better times are coming. Maybe next year, next decade, whatever. Just have to keep pushing through 😊

Again I'd like to thank you all for the solidarity, the advice (although not asked for, actually has been very helpful) and the encouragement.
Wishing you all the very best for the new ahead 😊

Felt the need to update. May not be responses as its been a while, understandable, but still it helps to write things down.
Birthday party didn't go so well. Little one had fun but parents (the ones I recognised anyway) had brought someone with them. Of course I hadn't. So I was sat on my own. Didn't seem appropriate to approach any of them, who are really just strangers, as they were chatting to their companion/partner. At the end I did approach host, who was missing for most of it, but she was kind of hurrying.
Messaged a couple of local people on frolo, no response though. Literally only a couple of locals on there so they probably gave up using it.
The very few friends I've made the last couple of years only ever get in touch when they need or want something. I've reached out to them lately as I've felt very stressed with work and it's gone no where.
I messaged my ex best friend from school, after a couple of back and forth the conversation died and I really felt like she wasn't feeling it. She's gone onto a different life to what I have.
I suggested to a couple of colleagues meeting up outside of work and after initial enthusiasm, nothing has been planned. Even then I'm thinking, I've no childcare...
So, that's where I am. Another Saturday home alone, wine, looking for something to watch. At one time I longed for this, but as a one off.

Sorry to hear it didn’t go well, that was my experience of parties as well they all sat with their back to me and it would have been awkward to approach them. I must live in a different area from everyone else but I didn’t find parties made any difference!

Op, thanks for your update. You are doing all the right things. Not all of them yield results but if you do therm, something will.
However, one thing jumps out at me from a previous post. You say you have no interests and clubs/online groups etc are not for you. This could be really holding you back from making friends. People never want to make friends with someone just because that person is lonely. they want something in common with that person. For a while, that could simply be: we are both single parents. But long term, the closest friendships usually have a shared interest.

I think you would do well to develop some interests. DS was really lonely when he started uni in lockdown so no one met up with any one and he was badly isolated on his own in student accommodation. he knew no one and it became a neurosis. he felt lonely and needy and socially anxious which put people off and he got shunned and dropped a few times. I told him to do three things every week - something for charity, something physical, some club or society. For charity, he helped at a soup kitchen. The friends he made there he has now known for four years - they go on holiday together. They are really sweet and reliable.

For physical I meant join a gym or fitness class, but being DS, he decided to walk 20k steps every day. He wandered in and out of the city, dropping into shops and cafes he loved and gradually befriended the shop assistants who he ended up going clubbing with and now some of them are his best friends as they share taste in music. From the society he joined he met another bunch of friends who knew some of the soup kitchen lot so that friendship group expanded. They were the mates who forced him to try OLD and from that he got his first girlfriend (and his second, and his third!)

What I'm saying is. You have to do stuff to be interesting to other people who do similar stuff. You have to show some evidence of a lively passion or interest or belief. It could be political or religious or sporty or arty or academic or craft-based but with no interests, working from home, you have a much lower chance of solving the problem.

Can you set aside some of your WFH to do at night after DD is asleep and free up a morning or afternoon to join a class?

Can you ask a mum at school - maybe the mum of a friend of DD's whether she would be up for a babysitting or sleepover swap so you can attend one of the single parent pub nights (I agree - very weird that this is what they set up, but it's worth going along once or twice to see if there is anyone similar to you who might at very least want to take turns minding each others DC so you each get a night out once a week.

@OwlWeiwei Thank you for your suggestions and I really do appreciate where you're coming from. Glad to hear your son got out of a rut. I do have interests, walking, museums, coffee shops, reading and I do love a night out. My favourite is down time at home to be honest. But all of that isn't possible without the childcare. I don't have the option to work at night, we must work all our hours by 6pm and I've already arranged around school/child minders.

I've since spoken to family and explained how I'm feeling. I've been honest and blunt. They've agreed to help, won't be often but it at least gives me a little space. If that fails I'll look at professional babysitting.
The mums at school just don't speak. The WhatsApp is only used to announce upcoming parties, its really not at a stage where favours can be asked. I don't know most of the kids or who their parents are!