Big massive fuck off rat - please keep me sane

[BrianGlue]

(name changed because I imagine my husband is searching every corner of the internet for advice)

Heard scurrying Christmas Eve - pest control over, poison out. Came back Boxing Day to no noise at night and breathed a sigh of relief.

But turns out this little (huge) bastard is a trickster. Every night since it’s been out and about at night. It was spotted yesterday behind the oven. Last night it chewed through skirting and a bit of door.

This evening it had the audacity to bound up the kitchen steps when I went to get wine. It’s HUGE.

Seriously, what do we do now? Just put my baby to bed and currently sat outside his door ready to spear it if it dares to come close.

Questions:

1. why isn’t the dog putting him off coming in the house?
2. is it likely it’s poisoned if it’s acting weirdly like coming out when the lights are on?
3. should we get traps too?

I want to leave but I also am terrified of how much it could destroy if it’s not poisoned. This is fucking awful.

She’s going to cook it for breakfast?! What do you think she’s going to do with it?

Wild ones in gardens are apparently similar to squirrels according to pest control. It’s when they get near a house for food/water/shelter which isn’t nice.

Release it in a lovely hedge or forest several miles away, drown it in a bucket, sew it a tiny suit and teach it to dance so it can reimburse her for the ratman's bill by busking? It's a reasonable question.

This won’t work , we tried it and the cat was stressed out , obviously wanted to be in its own home, pissed in the toaster and wailed !!! We had to take her home

This is absolutely horrific and EXACTLY what I expected to happen!

Baby (sorry, toddler) woke around midnight and came into our bed where he kicked us in the face until 2am, grabbed our faces loudly proclaiming ‘nose’ when he found the right bit and tried to prise my eyes open. We took him back to bed and I found my husband on the floor asleep next to him when I went in to see where he’d got to. Left them both to it.

Neither were eaten by the rat you’ll be glad to hear.

Currently wrapped in multiple bin bags in the big bin.

Pissy toaster or rat? The age old dilemma.

Yes, but squirrels look a lot cuter.😃 I love watching them in the garden. No idea what I'd do if one got in the house though.

Of course most sane people kill it. It’s not bloody Beatrix Potter where she’d dress it up in a Victorian costume and give the rat as a new pet to her toddler.

My DCats have loved chasing squirrels in the past - who’ve given as good as they’ve got in return. None of the actually caught a squirrel luckily so we’ve not had to deal with one in the house.

Sorry I laughed! My DM left her DCat to catch mice in her kitchen before. Didn’t work, DCat apparently was upset and wanted to be upstairs asleep on her comfy bed (DM’s bed). DCat is usually a good hunter too.

I used to help out at the stables when I was a teenager. I'd take a carrier bag with all my bits for the yard each time. We'd keep them in a shed while at the yard then bring home

One night the family cat kept looking at the bag, very intently, usually paying it no interest

My mum was concerned there was a rat or something in there as she didn't usually pay it that much attention

I was sent into the hallway to check, along with cat to "assist". I took a chair as if there was anything in there, no way in hell was I going to be on the floor as it emerged

Doors shut, started tentatively pulling clothing out slowly from said bag using a schooling whip as a "stick" so I didn't have to touch the bag

I then upended the bag to get it over with, while still on the chair.

Convinced I saw the bundle of clothes that fell out move, I let out an enormous scream

The cat who was sent out to help me? Went and joined me on the chair 😂

Fortunately bag was "clear" which was just as well given cat was as useless as a chocolate teapot!

The same cat was a house cat, but used to be allowed in the garden, supervised. Once she caught a small rat, so was shut in the garden (clear door so could still supervise). She started to lie on the rat for a bit, then was most bemused when she moved and it ran out from under her and she lost it! She was rather chubby at the time so had hoped the rat would be at least flattened but no chance.

Looking back it was a bit funny but I felt so terrible distressing the cat !!

The cat will be fine. Knowing cats it’ll take out its displeasure as being used as an unpaid hunter/pest control on your neighbours! Don’t feel guilty. Cats also take umbrage at lots of things, come onto The Litter Tray.

@Scalottia Rats are dangerous, vicious particularly when scared and/or have babies but more importantly than anything else, they carry disease!

My third suggestion wasn't entirely serious, but clearly that whooshed over your head...