How much do you live in your memories?

[YukoandHiro]

I'm only in my 40s so not old as such but recently I've found that I spend a lot of time in my memories, particularly at night (I'm not sleeping well, probably perimenopause)

I have some wonderful memories of my teen years and early twenties, and find myself thinking through crushes and first kisses, gigs and house parties I went to, nights out with friends, etc.

I have a happy marriage and 2 children and don't feel my life is lacking anything but I still seem to enjoy thinking about the distant past. Does anyone else do this?

I think the thing I've found the hardest about this stage (I still have a toddler) is the complete lack of spontaneity in life. The monotony is really against my personality and I do find it hard to square that element of parenting with the person I once was.

I guess I should just be happy I had such a relatively good experience of my teen years but is it a bit weird?

This is how I feel: I'm lucky to have so many nice memories to draw on

@Greenpolkadot that's such a shame. Nowadays you would get a lot more support (and would have had more choices). So sad. I don't know what happened as a result of that but I wish you the best.

One big thing I have learnt through intense on/off therapy and an ongoing 12 step recovery program over the past 20 plus years is how to live in the day, in the power of now.

We are in a goal orientated society. Whilst it's good to have plans, etc, we all look for destination happiness instead of living in the moment, so that is all we have.

It's one of the biggest things to learn is how to live in the power now.

I keep the "Just For "Today" card in my purse as a reminder to look too gently. The just for today card is this: click on to make it bigger

Blinkityblonk.
First thing that happened was I wasn't allowed to go out in daylight in case the neighbours saw me. I could go out for a walk and some fresh air after dark
Then sent to a mother and baby home.
Then when I came home it was never mentioned again. Not once

@Greenpolkadot that is so awful, I don't know what to say. No wonder this plays on your mind now. Have you had any support over the years? It's just cruel beyond belief to do that to a young girl. I have two teenagers and feel your pain.

I often go back to both good and bad memories. Less so when I am busy at work I suppose. I often seem to wonder about people I was at school with. Many of whom probably would never even remember me!

I hear you OP. I was fortunate to have a great childhood. I have many memories of playing outside in the street with the rest of the street, we all went to the same local school. The neighbours were all friends, We were all in each others houses. This was the early 80s. It seemed like one long endless summer. No worries except who I was going to play with. Easy life.

In my very late teens - around the mid 90s - I met my first boyfriend. He was a lot older than me. All of sudden, due to him, I was going to pubs & clubs (I was not 18 and could have only dreamt of going to the local nightclub at the time, which was over 21s) and driving his car. He put me at the top of a very high pillar stall. I was in my element. This was nothing I had previously experienced. The only thing I had to worry about at this time was what I was going to wear going out. No financial responsibilities, no bills, staying at his flat and playing whatever music we wanted, he took me to parties, I thought going down the pub at the time was the best thing ever, he knew loads of people. It was a blazing hot summer. He took me on day trips, we turned up at a seaside town one weekend, walked into a pub and he knew most people. It was an endless summer. The freedom, the way he made me feel. I was thin, so very thin but never appreciated it. I got a job as an office junior. The pay was shit but it was a total hoot. I didn't need loads of money at the time. One of my office tasks was to go and get all the staff ice-creams on a hot day. The shop was only around 10 mins away, I would be gone at least an hour.

Fast forward to today. I am almost 50. I have 3 DC, 2 SEN. I work 60 hours a week in a very responsible & senior position with a large team reporting to me. I do absolutely everything at home. My home/life admin list is endless. I have health anxiety and general anxiety. I am 3 stone heavier than the teenage days I describe above. I feel like a blob. I look like a blob. I am lethargic and sluggish most days, I don't want to go out as I look bigger. My hair needs a bloody good cut and colour but it's lost it's shape and to have it cut to how I had been wearing it a good year ago would mean cutting a lot off and I don't know if I could cope with that. I have a lot of financial anxiety and (manageable) debt. I spend most of my time juggling finances, work, DC, home/life admin, wishing myself to look younger and slimmer.

Sometimes I can almost smell the good times again from my teenage years. Occasionally, I will drive around to the places where I went with my first boyfriend. I still live in the same town. I have previously driven to his old flat and the pubs & clubs we went to, which have long since gone. I've driven past his mates houses we used to party at. They no longer live there. I can remember it all like it was yesterday, not like it was almost 30 years ago.

I DREAM of going back to my teenage years. I will probably NEVER ever be made to feel like that again and life will NEVER be that easy for me ever again.

I constantly live in my memories.