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Original poster

What's a polite way of declining an invite?

21 replies

scoobadydawoo · 29/12/2023 22:58

I've had an invite for coffee in the new year an old acquaintance / friend (male) who I've not seen in a couple of years. I'm not really interested in seeing him or catching up and don't have much spare time at the moment, so would genuinely struggle to fit it in around my work schedule.

What's a polite way of declining? I'm ND so not very good with social situations and interactions so struggle with phrasing a decline of this kind of thing as well.

OP posts:
Finlesswonder · 29/12/2023 23:01

Just say unfortunately I am rushed off my feet lately with way too much on my plate, can I drop you a line once things have calmed down

Eekmystro · 29/12/2023 23:20

scoobadydawoo · 29/12/2023 22:58

I've had an invite for coffee in the new year an old acquaintance / friend (male) who I've not seen in a couple of years. I'm not really interested in seeing him or catching up and don't have much spare time at the moment, so would genuinely struggle to fit it in around my work schedule.

What's a polite way of declining? I'm ND so not very good with social situations and interactions so struggle with phrasing a decline of this kind of thing as well.

Do you mean you don’t think you will ever want to do coffee with him? If so I’d just say something like “sorry Bob, not able to make coffee. Very busy with work at the moment”. Then leave it, hopefully he will get the hint. I wouldn’t be too polite or suggest a future meet up/contact unless you actually will want to see him at some point.

Original poster
scoobadydawoo · 30/12/2023 00:18

Thanks both. And yes, no urge to see him at all so I'd rather send a polite but believable reply that doesn't leave it open for the future

OP posts:

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WelshNerd · 30/12/2023 00:27

I'm not available to meet for the foreseeable future. Thanks for your understanding.

(And then I'd block him tbh)

0wlnoises · 30/12/2023 00:28

I'd just say that the new year is looking really hectic and you're sorry but fitting coffee in is going to be very tricky. If he does make noises about later on in the year, feel free to be non committal but vague - "Great - I'll drop you a line when I'm likely to have some free time" and leave it at that. Then...just don't.

Dotcheck · 30/12/2023 00:30

WelshNerd · 30/12/2023 00:27

I'm not available to meet for the foreseeable future. Thanks for your understanding.

(And then I'd block him tbh)

Jesus, don’t do that!
You know, people ( other people!) have actual feelings too.

WelshNerd · 30/12/2023 00:34

I think my message is far more considerate of his feelings than others who are essentially suggesting to lie and ghost him.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/12/2023 00:41

WelshNerd · 30/12/2023 00:27

I'm not available to meet for the foreseeable future. Thanks for your understanding.

(And then I'd block him tbh)

This is so formal! Would you really say that to someone?

WelshNerd · 30/12/2023 00:48

I would say that to someone I hadn't seen for years and had no interest in seeing again, which is the scenario OP has described. Who cares if it's formal?

Nagado · 30/12/2023 00:51

WelshNerd · 30/12/2023 00:34

I think my message is far more considerate of his feelings than others who are essentially suggesting to lie and ghost him.

Well you’d be wrong.

OP, I’d send a message saying that you’re so busy that you’re struggling to find the time to even meet up with your family and friends, let alone organising catch ups, but that if things change in the future, you’ll let him know. 99% of people will understand that you have no intention of ever contacting them and that the only real response is for them to tell you that they’ll look forward to it.

Dancerprancer19 · 30/12/2023 00:53

Hi Chloe, lovely to hear from you. I have a lot going on at the moment so don’t have time & headspace to catch up. But I hope you are well.

Nagado · 30/12/2023 00:56

Dancerprancer19 · 30/12/2023 00:53

Hi Chloe, lovely to hear from you. I have a lot going on at the moment so don’t have time & headspace to catch up. But I hope you are well.

Oh this is a good one. I take my suggestion back and second this one.

CuteCillian · 30/12/2023 00:57

I think Dancerprancer19 puts it perfectly.
No mention of circumstances changing in the future but still thoughtful. We have no idea of his circumstances.

thirdistheonewiththehairychest · 30/12/2023 00:57

I'd just ignore the invite tbh. He might have only said it out of politeness anyway and might have no intention of actually following through on it.

PamelaParis · 30/12/2023 01:01

Dancerprancer19 · 30/12/2023 00:53

Hi Chloe, lovely to hear from you. I have a lot going on at the moment so don’t have time & headspace to catch up. But I hope you are well.

No! That's awful, how shit would you feel if you were Chloe getting that?!

newcusions · 30/12/2023 01:04

If it's been that long and you're not close I would just be honest and say after all this time I wasn't expecting to hear from you again but hope you're well and exchange a few messages (long time between answers) and let it fizzle out.

EmmaEmerald · 30/12/2023 01:07

PamelaParis · 30/12/2023 01:01

No! That's awful, how shit would you feel if you were Chloe getting that?!

Show quote history

I would be fine

I've had a few messages like that

I'm expecting to send one soonish though I'm not sure if they will actually ask!

what would you say?

Original poster
scoobadydawoo · 30/12/2023 01:14

Dancerprancer19 · 30/12/2023 00:53

Hi Chloe, lovely to hear from you. I have a lot going on at the moment so don’t have time & headspace to catch up. But I hope you are well.

I actually replied with something very similar to this in the end, so am relieved to see something so similar suggested. Thank you

OP posts:
SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 01:29

I think I would be honest and say 'Hi bob! I hope all is well with you? Thanks for the suggestion of coffee, but I have so much going on at the moment it just isn't going to be possible to meet.'
If he asks do you want to make arrangements for a future date, just say you can't commit to anything as you have too much on your plate for the foreseeable.

damnyourubixcube · 30/12/2023 01:36

Did he reply?

Eekmystro · 30/12/2023 07:48

scoobadydawoo · 30/12/2023 01:14

I actually replied with something very similar to this in the end, so am relieved to see something so similar suggested. Thank you

Show quote history

Oh well done op. It’s best to get it over and done with rather than just ignoring the message for ages. I also think this message is kinder in that it lets him know the situation instead of continuing to think you might be interested in a social meet up. I had a friend who cancelled meet ups, didn’t a reply etc and in hind sight it took me way too long to get the message.

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