Hi, I thought I'd posted this thread already but couldn't find it so trying again...I posted this in Bereavement last night but have got no replies so thought I would try in here for the traffic. Please help if you can. TIA
Regular poster, name changed as very outing.
My lovely mum died in the middle of December, 2023. Her case had to go before a coroner so we have only just got her death certificate, and so life insurance. Her funeral (Cremation) is now booked.
When she was here she was my rock. I suffer badly with anxiety conditions and she always helped me with them, night or day. (I have referred myself for talking therapy and the doctor has given me beta blockers. I have also rung emergency mental health lines.) I have agoraphobia: I never used to go out unless it was unavoidable (Like dentist, hospital, etc.). Even then I would take diazepam (Valium) and my mum would have to come with me.
I have 2 siblings who have been really good to me but are obviously expecting me to come to the funeral. And I feel (Unduly) pressured into going. At night (I almost wrote this post last night!) I feel my most fearful and don't want to go. The next day I will feel not so anxious and convince myself that I'll go for my siblings.
I don't even know if the dr will prescribe me any more Diazepam as I confessed to him how I take it. I am not addicted, but I have built up a tolerance to them over the years. I've never told that to the dr in case they don't describe them again. I have such a fear of being away from home, that I take all the prescribed tablets in one go. I was described 7, 2mg Diazepam so I could go to the hospital whilst my mum was dying. I took all 7 and they lasted for three days, then the panic attacks came back (She died that day.). I told the dr this and he wasn't impressed.
Also, one of my landlords workers came and fixed the shared front door the other day as it wouldn't stay shut. Trouble is now you can't open it outside with the key every time!
I don't know. If I am truly honest, I don't want to go. I believe my mum is now in heaven and not in that box. I would only be going for my siblings, who all have partners, some children, and have friends going.
Help?! Edited