Boss tells me I come across standoffish

[Urgenthelplease]

Has anyone had similar feedback?

This has come up a few times over the last decade. I'm naturally reserved and prefer to keep my relationships with colleagues professional.

Happy to do small talk and try and keep emails friendly but for whatever reason I seem to have a tone people find unfriendly and a RBF.

Well, that's just your managers opinion.

My line manager has said similar to me.

Apparently I should go out drinking and partying more. I leave that to her. We can't all crawl in with hangovers.

I'd rather be me.

Oh I get this.

I'm not a drinker, nor a networker. I don't do fakery. I'm too old to play along. Like pp, the Boss either manages as I am, or he can lump it.

Three or four times. It's partly my voice which naturally sounds pretty harsh when I am trying to get a point across, but mostly that I am too direct. People aren't used to women being direct. It's behaviour that is expected in men, but for some reason, when some women are on the receiving end of a direct request from a woman without a gazillion pleases and thank yous and a promise to be at their next born's christening, they feel the need to complain to management about said woman 'being a bit rude.'

Turns out I am probably autistic. I have tried and am not capable of softening it up. It's just not in my skillset. It feels deeply insincere.

Shrug.

Next time you get a complaint, ask about which men the same person has complained about being stand offish/too direct, etc.

Just because we don't own a penis doesn't mean we go to work to be besties with everyone we work with. I don't even understand why this pervades. Because women are home makers and caring?

Yeah... That needs to go away!

'I am not here to make friends with everyone. I am here to make X's office the most efficient it can be.'

That got some dropped jaws.

Legit think people didn't understand that I didn't care whether I made friends at work or not O_O

It's hard because I do work in a people business where connections are seen as important and my boss is all about influence. I do think it's a gendered issue and people have no problem with men being direct. Has anyone managed to get around it?

I never did, but I can't work due to illness so the problem resolved itself.

Simplest solution seems to be to smile more. For some reason, they think we should be smiley (and grateful for any 'help' whatsoever) - keep practicing fake smiles in your mirror? :D o_o

Or, ask your manager to put you on a training course that focusses on 'soft' people skills. Then the ball is in their court.

This is me totally, asking someone to do something in what I feel is a totally reasonable tone and they start crying. I really struggle with small talk and can’t do fakery. I’m a total people pleaser underneath and my heart is always pounding

What he means is you don't smile enough. Yep that's anger inducing for sure.