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Children at home alone - what age / level of sensibility?

19 replies

Analysisandparalysis · 28/12/2023 13:51

Wondering what others do with regards to leaving older children / early teens home alone for short periods?

I know times have massively changed compared to when I was a kid - I was 7/8y when my parents started to leave me for short periods during the day and by the time I was 10/11y it was all day/evenings, then 13y overnight was deemed ok.

I’ve got 2 DC - a 12yo and 8yo. They are both sensible and NT and the older one has been left a handful of times for up to approx 1 hour over the last 6-12 months. If we’ve gone to the supermarket / popped to do something locally that they are not keen to join. They have a mobile and know to not answer the front door etc. Generally they are playing video games and know how to make a drink / sandwich etc if needed.

Now wondering if 8yo could be left with 12yo in similar circs to above. 8yo is very sensible and both DC get on well etc. For context, 12yo has been taught how to call emergency services (should that ever be necessary), knows to leave the house if a fire broke out and knows to knock on neighbours house / dial 999. We live in a quiet cul de sac in a ‘safe’ large village.

For example, today or tomorrow I need to pop to a shop to return something, both DC don’t want to come and are asking to stay home for max 1 hour.

I feel torn, but feel that it’s perhaps because these days people do seem to be quite hyper vigilant about this sort of thing and no doubt for good reason. However, I trust my kids to not do anything silly and would be at the end of a phone (unlike when we were kids), so realistically that feels like an extra layer of safety.

It’s be good to get some opinions from others who have done / not done this and reasoning behind decisions either way.

If you’re a solid no, what age would you consider it to be safe?

I worry that we’re over infantilising children sometimes, but equally there needs to be a ‘line’.

OP posts:
HappyBusman · 28/12/2023 13:54

I have one 11 year old, and for the last few months he’s been left at home alone for up to three hours, with frequent phone check-ins.

AvengedQuince · 28/12/2023 13:57

I started at 8 for short periods, two hours max until 10. Inset days from 10, before and after school and some school holiday days from 11 and in secondary school.

2024BigWhoop · 28/12/2023 13:58

My oldest son is almost ten and over the last 6 months we’ve started leaving him for for periods of about 30 minutes.

We leave DH’s mobile phone with him and we call him at least once to make sure he’s ok, and he knows how to call us.

We’ve got a very trusted neighbour so our son knows he can go there if there are any problems.

Our rules are:

  1. Don’t open the door.
  2. No eating (choking risk).

He’s quite happy.

He walks to and fro school on his own and he is happy enough doing that too.

I don’t think I’d leave him home alone for any longer than an hour and only if I had no other choice.

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WithIcePlease · 28/12/2023 14:12

I left mine while at work from secondary school onwards for 2 days a week. Initially I went home at lunch time to check all ok. Work was 15 minutes away.

Analysisandparalysis · 28/12/2023 14:24

Thanks for honest replies, that’s really good to hear. It sounds like I’m not too way off the mark then to leave them both for a short trip to return something. Good to hear others thinking.

OP posts:
Jules912 · 28/12/2023 14:32

While I happily would and have left my 11 year old for short periods, I wouldn't leave my 8 year old with him, but that's mostly because they like to wind each other up. I started leaving the 11 year old around year 6 and he wouldn't have wanted to be left any sooner.

Lovelycupofcoffee · 28/12/2023 15:01

I think around 12 my son started walking home from school and letting himself in , he’d also give me a quick call so I knew he was home , work is only 15 mins away .

Poorlymumma · 28/12/2023 15:04

I think 12 is the law (not 100% sure, been told this by someone else.)

However it seems mad to me that there is a legal age for leaving a child home alone, yet there is no law against allowing children to "play out" under a certain age, which is much more of a safeguarding concern.

LangMayYerLumReek2024 · 28/12/2023 15:06

My 11 yo I will leave for 1-2 hours.

15 yo for the evening or day.

When they were 12 and 8 respectively I would have been happy leaving them together for 1-2 hours.

It depends on the child though. And only you know your children. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

LangMayYerLumReek2024 · 28/12/2023 15:07

Poorlymumma · 28/12/2023 15:04

I think 12 is the law (not 100% sure, been told this by someone else.)

However it seems mad to me that there is a legal age for leaving a child home alone, yet there is no law against allowing children to "play out" under a certain age, which is much more of a safeguarding concern.

There no law for either.

Mexicola · 28/12/2023 15:12

There isn’t a law - that myth has been started by the NSPCC and their “guidance” it is still down to the parent to assess the risk and make the decision

Beezknees · 28/12/2023 15:14

I started at around age 10 for 30-60 minutes while I popped to the supermarket or something. At age 11 from first year of secondary he would be home alone 2 afternoons a week from 3 to 6ish while I was at work, and maybe a couple of hours in the day on a Saturday if I went to the gym. Didn't leave him alone in the evenings until around age 14 and I don't do it that often really.

Analysisandparalysis · 28/12/2023 16:10

Again, thanks for all the thoughtful replies.

Well, I just did it and was out for about 1 hour and they were absolutely fine and I’m relieved. They had hardly moved from their seats!

OP posts:
Analysisandparalysis · 28/12/2023 16:11

Feels like a bit of a milestone!

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 28/12/2023 16:24

It really does depend on the child. I always remember one mumsnetter a few years ago who said that, although she would never do it, she was confident she could leave her 8 year old for a weekend and everything would be fine - the house would still be reasonably tidy and the cat would be fed. But she worried if she popped out for half an hour leaving her 16 year old.

Saz12 · 28/12/2023 17:00

DC was 11 when left, she's sensible and knows neighbours who she could ask for help.

Terrribletwos · 28/12/2023 17:03

Hard to judge...but I would have probably been ok with my 11 year old but maybe not 2 together (as in 8 and 11) as I couldn't be totally sure of how they might interact together and alone without parental support..so no.

G5000 · 28/12/2023 17:14

I would and do, but I live in another country where it is totally fine.
I prefer the leave them together than separately - even though they are typical siblings, they never fight when we're not home.

idontlikealdi · 28/12/2023 17:15

I've got 12 yo twins, the longest they've been left so far is about an hour while I've had to go to the shops / vet / dr etc.

They are prone to dicking about and I don't fully trust them yet not to hurt each other
Or have some kind of daft accident.

I would have left them longer before now if there was only one of them!

They do get themselves to school and back on the bus and go into town / to the park etc on their own.

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