Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Visiting family with new baby

11 replies

charlaw · 28/12/2023 04:41

Hi all. My baby is 8 weeks old and my DH is keen for us to visit my family in the new year for a couple of days. I’m not sure why exactly but I’m feeling anxious about the drive (2.5 hours but would stop off every hour to lift baby out of car seat) and exposing my child to lots of new people as well as being away from home. For context I have a lot of nieces and nephews who are understandably pick up bugs which I realise is normal. My baby had a cold at 5 weeks so I’m not neurotic about germs but she won’t have her first set of jabs until second week of Jan. Am I being silly being anxious about the visit? My family have come over to see the baby a few times since she’s been born but are dying to see her/us again, however I can’t shake my anxiety. Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

Guavafish1 · 28/12/2023 04:45

Maternal anxiety is normal and natural.

If you don't want to go, for no reason, then don't go.

DustyLee123 · 28/12/2023 07:31

Are you breast feeding? If you are baby will get plenty of protection from that.
And new mum anxiety is normal. But I think you’re within you’re rights to not want to make the journey, and for baby to have had their first set of jabs.

Plumful · 28/12/2023 07:33

Can’t they come to you for a visit instead?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

bettynutkins · 28/12/2023 08:16

The drive I wouldn't worry about. We regularly do 2+ hour drives and have done since our 1st was 5 weeks old. As you say, just stop half way and give baby a stretch etc. At that age they will probably just sleep. It's when they get older it can be tricky... Our 2nd has only recently stopped screaming at over a year old... Been some stressful drives!

I have health anxiety so completely understand where you are coming from. My 1st was born during COVID as well so was really hard but I've never stopped him doing anything as I think exposure is good. I obviously don't mix the kids knowingly with illness but otherwise carry on as normal and try to keep anxiety at bay 😖. My 2nd has been out and about since she was 3 days old. I'd personally say go (kids haven't been at school for 2 weeks so probably a good time to see them before they go back) but if your anxiety is bad then don't go and get them to visit you in smaller groups.

I'd add in my experience, the anxiety doesn't go. My 3 year old just had a virus with fever, cough etc and my anxiety was through the roof. I don't think it matters what age they are.

Kittylala · 28/12/2023 08:30

Breast feeding makes no difference btw

BogRollBOGOF · 28/12/2023 08:36

You'll be better visiting them before they go back to school. They've had a week to clear anything picked up at the end of term.

One stop half-way is fine for a wriggle break.

Bigbobalady · 28/12/2023 08:38

My DD’s dad was like this, babies are a lot more resilient than we think! However I do think it’s unreasonable on your families behalf to expect you to travel such a long distance with a new baby! Having a young child is tiring and stressful within itself, think about your safety and well-being…I certainly wouldn’t want to go behind the wheel with my child in the car when I’m feeling like that!

CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine · 28/12/2023 08:51

DustyLee123 · 28/12/2023 07:31

My DD was exclusively BF and was ill constantly as a baby from things picked up from DS who was in nursery so this just isn’t true.

Aside from that the worry is perfectly normal, especially with your first. You don’t have to go, but if you do the baby will probably be fine, it’s highly unlikely that any of the children there have any of the Illnesses they that your baby has still to be immunised against.

Newphony · 28/12/2023 09:06

Kittylala · 28/12/2023 08:30

Breast feeding makes no difference btw

This is simply not true!

Isheabastard · 28/12/2023 09:36

The baby will be fine, but it will be hard work for you and I think your preferences should take centre stage.

My Dd was born 20 years ago and I ended travelling and visiting family from when she was 3 weeks. I remember her crying in the night and I spent most of it awake trying to stop her crying so she didn’t wake up anyone else.

The baby may be more unsettled with the change of place and routine, so unless your DH is likely to be very hands on, just don’t give yourself the extra stress.

I read that in China years ago, new mothers stayed at home for the first month and visitors only came after that period. Bliss!

Motherhood is hard and I think new mothers should be able to say no to anything that makes their life harder. It’s great if the fathers are hands on, but they are not the ones with bodies also recovering from pregnancy, birth and possible birth injuries.

Original poster

charlaw · 28/12/2023 09:54

Thanks all, I think I’m just a bit worked up about it without any logic behind it! As pp have said it’s a good time to go before they all go back to school/nursery. I realise it’s unlikely she will pick up any disease she will be immunised against but I think that’s just a psychological thing on my part.
My family have visited us twice since baby was born in two lots and there isn’t any pressure on their side to come over, obviously they’d love to see the baby again but have said it’s entirely up to me. My DH is keen for a couple of days away so he suggested we go.
If I’m feeling brave I’d like to take her to visit my family for a few days at a time from March onwards and I know sometimes you just have to get on with stuff.

OP posts:

Flip