Divorced, health anxiety and trouble at night

[Sadlysadsad]

Weird one, bear with me.

Hideous divorce a year ago, long court battle over the kids, now I’m sorted, house of our own and life should be good.

8 years ago I had cancer and all the joys that go with that. I never really coped well with it and despite counselling etc I have never come to terms with it after. Basically I never “forget” I had it and it’s usually somewhere in my mind.

This is fine during the day, I’m busy, I have my children and work and if I get thoughts I can push them down, or do my usual thing of 5 minutes of worry then let it go.

However, now I’m alone I find it increasingly hard to do at night and it’s becoming a problem I think.

I do not miss my ex, I do not want a partner, but I’m a bit like a kid who is scared to go to bed, because that’s when the worries come.

When I was married, him being next to me was enough because someone was there and you’re not alone are you? Now I am alone and I am finding that difficult.

I don’t think counselling will work, because I’ve had all that, and I guess it’s a combination of general loneliness that you get when you divorce, emotional baggage from the relationship and all that followed when I left, health anxiety, having had cancer and just a low level fear over every aspect of being alone?

I have enjoyed Christmas, I’ve seen the chats about how let down people are by partners (been there) so it’s not nostalgia brought on by the time of year. It’s not missing him or anyone because I can’t imagine anyone sleeping in my bed ever again, but it’s something and I need to find a way to hold the night fears back, alone.

I don’t know if maybe anyone recognises what I’m feeling?

Hi, I am like this to the point I put off going to bed. It's when I catastrophise the most. I listen to podcasts,in particular one called help I sexted my boss, they are very funny and it feels like you're with a couple of friends having a giggle, I set it to timer and 9 times out of ten I fall asleep before it's finished. Sounds weird I know but it kind of takes the edge off the loneliness enough to relax you and switch off. You can watch them on you tube or go back through their back catalogue on Spotify.

@Sirprised i am so sorry for what’s happened. I was very early 40s when I got mine and during my chemo was when my ex husband decided that he’d move on from emotional abuse to a bit of physical abuse. Your ex is a shit for what he’s done.

I think I may have to try a podcast. In fairness I have never, ever listened to one, but I probably need something to break up the silence.

So sad to see lots of other people have the same, especially after illness x

Have you never listened to a talk radio documentary/factual programme like on Radio 4? Lots of podcasts in that mould.

I’s suggest choosing a subject you are interested in, or a host that you like, rather than something designed to help you sleep.

Another option is an audio book of course- what about something like the Richard Osman books?