This is not something an 8 year old would make up, right?

[Panoramalla]

I'm not sure where to post this.
DD and I met my sister and her family over the Christmas break though we just stayed a few hours and didn't stay over. During this time I did talk to her oldest (SD) who I would describe as a very bright girl. I mentioned casually that my sister (her mom) had banished us from the kitchen and that she seemed grumpy. DN respoded that her parents had had a fight and that her father had hit my sister, but she did not seem bothered by this! I asked about this and all DN said that she had been annoying but she seemed uncomfortable then. She mentioned a few more things along these lines but didn't seem to think anything strange about it. I later asked my sister if she was OK as she seemed unhappy but she said that everything was fine. Since we were alone in the kitchen I told her that I'd heard what had happened, and DS dismissed the whole thing and said they had recently had some trouble with DD telling lies.

I'm not sure what to do now. I only know DN as a very bright, polite and very well behaved child. Admittedly I don't like my BIL much and he has always seemed somewhat controlling to me, but there was nothing to indicate anything worse might be going on. My sister never mentioned anything either, nor did I see any bruises on her but I know that this doesn't mean anything.
My own DD is younger, so I am unsure what to make of DN's words but she has never seemed like a trouble maker (her father is quite strict), so I'd be surprised if she was to make up lies like this? Or am I naive here?

What difference does it make?

Either

1. Your nice is lying or has misunderstood something like a playful hit on the shoulder
2. your sister is not ready to face / can’t see the abuse that is going on.

The outcome is the same, keep an eye on your sister and niece and keep the communication open so if it is the second one she has someone when she is ready.

do you meet regularly? If not why not start something. This way you can support your sister from a distance as either way she may need someone to vent to

Pushing for the "truth" is missing the point.

Either something is very wring causing DN to make up something so disturbing. Or your Dsis is subject to an incident of DV. Or an incident happened that concerned DN bur isn't being discussed enough for her to understand she doesn't need to worry.

None of these are good outcomes.

All show a family with concerning behaviours.

Personally, I would support both DN and Dsis, together and 121, creating ample and frequent opportunities to share worries with you. I'd take the tone of 'I know something is wrong and you'll talk to me when ready'.

I'd also tell DN's school my worries.

Keep lines of communication open with your sister and niece. Continue to ask questions and observe. Signpost her to Women’s Aid and any local services in her area. Christmas is an absolutely key time for abusive relationships to worsen. Currently it sounds as though your sister isn’t ready to face the fact that she is being abused and doesn’t need to live like this, but when she is then she’ll need your support. Keep asking questions, keep being there for them, keep observing your neice. Sadly if children grow up witnessing abuse then they don’t know any differently, hence why she seemed matter-of-fact. At 8 I don’t think a child would lie about this, no. I work with abuse victims btw.

Have you ever heard your DN lie before? Not that that would prove anything either way.

When children do grow up with DV, they can absolutely take it for granted that that is how grownups behave (this is a small part of why it is so damaging for children to grow up in abusive households).

What did you think of your sister's reaction? If there's any doubt in your mind you really should be passing this information on. You can pass information to children's services anonymously.

I have never noticed or heard of DN lying but I don't see them that often now. I'll try to see them more frequently. As my sister is a SAHM I should be able to see her on her own during the day if I take time off sometime.
I have had some concerns about BIL before but nothing like this, so I definitely have some doubts. DN mentioned a bit more but nothing sounded outrageous to me. If I pass it on to children's services is there a change her father/ BIL would be contacted?

Kids can and do lie for no reason or their own reasons. I've sat and heard my niece (8) lie outrageously to her father who was abusive to them. She told him that she had wrecked her bike in a race and her mums new boyfriend had taken her to hospital to get an xray then bought her a new BMX bike on the way home because he got a money off voucher when he bought her older brother a new IPhone.

There is nothing wrong with her, there is nothing wrong with her bike, her brother (9) does not have a phone, never mind an IPhone and her mum does not have a boyfriend, rich or otherwise. When asked why she lies like that, she says it is fun to wind her father up because he can't hurt her or her mum for it anymore, he just breaks his own stuff now.

Kids can lie about stuff like that. People also don’t want to disclose abuse so people posting about lies their kids have told won’t help. You had some good advice higher up in the thread, I hope things become clearer with time and your sister and niece are ok

I don’t think it’s so much that children “lie” it’s that they don’t understand the difference between say, adults mucking about and a serious situation. They can also only articulate themselves to the best of their child ability, even the brightest and most articulate child is still a child.

When I was a small child, a little younger than your niece, I stayed at my Grandparents house, I was sat on the floor at the end of the bed in the morning, chatting to my grandparents and my grandfather turned to get up, caught me to the side of my head with his foot. Total accident, obviously not hard given what he was doing and no harm done. When my parents collected me later that day, I said I’d had a really nice time “even though grandad kicked me in the head”. That is, literally speaking, what happened. But sounded much more serious and concerning the way I put it. My grandmother was so angry with me, I remember not understanding why, because I was just saying what had happened, in my child brain.

I think essentially - you need to take what your niece has said at face value, could be innocent, might not be and make sure you’re available to your sister should she need you.