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How do I get over this and make things better ?

4 replies

Victimmentality · 26/12/2023 17:52

Been told I have a victim mentality (maybe I do ? I can’t work out if I need to accept maybe I do or if I’m being manipulated to have the blame placed on me?)

What I do know is that as a child and teen I was badly let down - by the education system, the nhs and my mother. No support no intervention - nothing. My mother was allowed to refuse assessments for me (as an adult I’ve been diagnosed with asd and adhd).
I was emotionally and physically abused at home , I wasn’t supported at all at school so academically failed despite being clever. Couldn’t hold down any jobs and made mistake after mistake in my personal life.

Im angry about it all still. A comment was made yesterday about how I could have ‘turned things round’ but I’d rather ‘play the victim’

I do have self awareness and yes I probably could do more to pull myself out of the hole im in but even with that accepted i know I had no control over my childhood and teenage years! I feel as if im meant to just not mention it as it makes other people feel uncomfortable??!!

Im just ranting but it’s really irritated me that this is how im viewed - I fully accept that I do sometimes feel sorry for myself but I don’t like the attitude toward what was done to me and how im being told to ‘get over it’

OP posts:
Victimmentality · 26/12/2023 17:58

It was repeatedly said that my account of things wasn’t accurate that what I considered abuse was actually ‘tough love’ and I just didn’t respond to that but it was meant to somehow help me ?? (Or what I suspect it was meant to un - asd/adhd me)

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 26/12/2023 18:02

People often say victim mentality when they don't have the inclination to sit down and understand that person, if you ask me

zurala · 26/12/2023 18:04

Victimmentality · 26/12/2023 17:58

It was repeatedly said that my account of things wasn’t accurate that what I considered abuse was actually ‘tough love’ and I just didn’t respond to that but it was meant to somehow help me ?? (Or what I suspect it was meant to un - asd/adhd me)

This is invalidating of your experience. I'm sure my dad would say the same, but now I can see it was emotional abuse even though that wasn't his intention, he was just repeating how he was brought up.
I'm also autistic, it's taken me decades to be able to unpick my childhood and start to heal.
Sometimes we can't move on because there's still something we need to do or understand.
I would suggest ignoring these people saying these things because I suspect they are the same people who damaged you as a child. My family say similar to me, but they would as it's harder to accept they abused me and damaged me.

Victimmentality · 26/12/2023 18:08

purpleme12 · 26/12/2023 18:02

People often say victim mentality when they don't have the inclination to sit down and understand that person, if you ask me

I’m just so overly aware of having self awareness that I really take criticism seriously and ask myself if I’m at fault so I feel like I’m really looking hard at everything now. I fully accept I had zero control over childhood and teen years but I keep wondering are they right? Did I just give up and become a victim or is it just they are invalidating and minimising what was done so that they aren’t to blame ?

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