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Original poster

To be a little bit bitter and selfish in 2024

24 replies

NewYearNewMeBullshit · 25/12/2023 22:07

To no longer bother with people who only give a fuck about me when they have nobody else and then fuck off when they find "better" people?

To no longer be a people pleaser?

To no longer be saving people when I'm fucking well drowning myself if they don't really care?

To no longer make an effort?

Fuck it. Never mind treat people how you want to be treated. That's bullshit anyway. Just treat people how they bloody well treat you.

I know I sound ugly and unattractive and Scrooge like. I'm not. Just bloody sick of feeling like something that is thrown in the bin as some kind of Part Time Paula everytime people move the fuck on because you were just a stepping stone.

Fuck it. Let's just rely on ourselves and be our OWN best friends from now on.

OP posts:

EmmaEmerald · 25/12/2023 22:08

I'm in!

I was never a people pleaser but from now I will be conscious that most people don't give a crap about me and will focus my efforts on myself.

Stresa22 · 25/12/2023 22:10

I’m feeling this way as well. It’s about time we put ourselves first.

grayhairdontcare · 25/12/2023 22:11

This has been my mantra since lockdown.
I highly recommend it

Glenthebattleostrich · 25/12/2023 22:12

Definitely in. Sod it, I'm fed up of putting myself out and getting crap in return. Next year is about me, my daughter, my husband nad my dog.

Utterlyexhausted · 25/12/2023 22:20

Well put. I'm in. 🙌🙌

GreySantaRabbit · 25/12/2023 22:22

I'm in!

Carsarelife · 25/12/2023 22:24

I'm in. Sick of not feeling good enough, do enough, buy enough, cook enough, etc etc
Self esteem rubbish anyway after growing up with virtually no compliments or congratulations. Into 2024 just pleasing myself. That's it

GrandParade · 25/12/2023 22:35

OP, you chose to be a people-pleaser. It’s good you’ve decided to stop, but there’s no point in being angry at other people for your own choices.

If you choose to behave as though your own needs aren’t important, and the demands of people you clearly don’t like or respect very much are to be prioritised, it’s hardly surprising that these people don’t see you as important either. Best wishes for centring yourself in 2024 — it’s certainly a healthier way to live, and a much better way of making friends.

GreySantaRabbit · 25/12/2023 22:38

Harsh @GrandParade you don't choose to be a people pleaser. It's thrust upon you from a young age so by the time you realise, you've been conditioned to do it automatically.

Realising it and defying it is hard.

wendyelliott · 25/12/2023 22:45

I am in. This year has been a real eye opener for me.

GrandParade · 25/12/2023 22:48

GreySantaRabbit · 25/12/2023 22:38

Harsh @GrandParade you don't choose to be a people pleaser. It's thrust upon you from a young age so by the time you realise, you've been conditioned to do it automatically.

Realising it and defying it is hard.

We all get conditioned, often with unhelpful scripts, in childhood. As adults we are responsible for undoing them if they’re negative. And I say that as someone brought up by a chronic people-pleaser. But there comes a time when you can’t keep blaming your parents.

Ambi · 25/12/2023 22:52

People pleasing usually ends up pleasing no one unfortunately.
There definitely hits a time when we have put ourselves first, my DM was in her 50s when she did this and she's finally happy.
I hit this point much earlier, probably mid 30s. Sacked off the job that was draining me and moved on from friends that weren't as interested in me and kept difficult family at arms length.
Go for it OP, strengthen your boundaries and find out what you want from life ✨️

GrandParade · 25/12/2023 23:46

Ambi · 25/12/2023 22:52

Well, exactly. The people-pleaser is resentful because they put themselves last, and feel other people owe them ‘reciprocal’ treatment, but in fact no one wants to be friends with a people-pleaser, because they have no sense of self-esteem.

TedMullins · 25/12/2023 23:52

You’re right OP. Welcome to the club. I’ve felt this way since my early 20s!

skatykatie · 25/12/2023 23:52

Im right there with you and am doing the same

northeastnowhere · 26/12/2023 11:20

Yes, definitely. I know people make mistakes and sometimes intentions can become obscured so I don't want to dramatically cut people out of my life. I've had that done to me following a misunderstanding and the scars remain.
However, the time for feeling petrified to 'lose' anyone else must come to an end. I no longer want to continually ignore poor treatment and swallow my hurt just because I'm afraid of being set adrift again. If others get to choose how considerate they are of me, I get to choose how I react. My feelings are valid too. If they don't care if I'm hurt then I guess they were never friends anyway.
I'm in my 40s. What a long time it's taken me to learn such a fundamental life lesson.
Onwards and upwards.

EmmaEmerald · 26/12/2023 17:10

@northeastnowhere I so relate to this

I'm mostly scared in case I get ill or injured again but will just have to figure something else out

It's not that people have treated me badly but more that they vanish into family and that's it. They want to meet if they are bored, or they just say "let's meet" so it looks like they are making an effort but they don't mean it.

declutteringmymind · 26/12/2023 17:17

I used to be like you. I recommend reframing it. Think more like 'I'm putting my health and needs first.'

Become obsessed in investing time in your self and this who truly love. You won't have time for the others, and they won't bother you.

anon12345anon · 26/12/2023 17:22

I started doing this a couple of years ago, after a marriage breakdown, and my eyes being well and truly opened to how giving I was, and how it was not returned by most people.

It takes a while to become knowingly-selfish, but once you master it, it's liberating! (I actually think it's how most men naturally are)....

I don't shit on people, but I definitely put myself first........ Ironically, I've never had so many friends and mates - and I'm the happiest I've ever been

andfor you Op.....Normally something shit happens for you to realise that you are no.1 x

EmmaEmerald · 26/12/2023 17:53

@declutteringmymind ""Become obsessed in investing time in your self and this who truly love. You won't have time for the others, and they won't bother you."

This explains why everyone vanished, I guess. I often get a sense that I'm "bothering" people and I'm also guilty of doing that idiotic thing where I check on people in case something happened and that's why they've not been in touch. And they're always fine!

Sadly, the people I love don't love me back so I just have to look after me now.

declutteringmymind · 26/12/2023 19:56

@EmmaEmerald that's the hardest thing. Learning who really isn't bothered about you.

I hope some relationships have benefitted from the time apart and come back to you ❤️. They are doing so for me and I realise some of the issues were mine. But I've grown up now, boundaries laid and respected. Use the time alone to be the best you can be

Mairzydotes · 26/12/2023 20:16

I feel like every one wastes my time , so I'm going to get on with my life instead of waiting for people.

EmmaEmerald · 26/12/2023 20:42

@declutteringmymind I've hit the point where I wouldn't welcome them back, I don't want to make an effort and be let down again, especially when it involves travel and meal costs etc.

If they do try to come back, there'll be no drama, I totally realise lockdown changed everyone, including me. I just feel it's been too long. In a couple of cases, it's been five years....I got the generic Happy Christmas messages and that's it. When I tried to make contact, they're too busy. Too much time has passed for me to take it up now.

I know some people feel a phone chat twice a year is enough, I'm just not one of them.

Anyway....onwards!

NonPlayerCharacter · 26/12/2023 21:03

People pleasing isn't a good thing in any way. It's just a route to becoming an insincere person who enables users and doesn't attract genuine friends who like you for you. It's entirely possible to be kind and considerate without being terrified of being disliked by people you don't even like yourself.

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