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Original poster

Anyone else got a sibling like this ?

28 replies

bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 20:43

Not heard a peep off my sister today, not one thing, not even to say happy Christmas to the kids, or to our other sister whose birthday it is !
She fell out with our mum at the beginning of the year over nothing major, it's just the fact my sister is a pisshead and started a huge row with her, hasn't spoken to our mum since. But to blank me, and our other sister is just wtf! How selfish can you be... I really thought she might try and make amends today with our mum, nope. Mum has sent a Xmas card and heard nothing back.
Yet she is all over our other sibling and their partner, calls them up every few days, called them Christmas Eve to say merry Xmas etc.
sorry just ranting as it's really fucked me off.

OP posts:
ssd · 25/12/2023 20:54

Me

Original poster
bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 21:02

ssd · 25/12/2023 20:54

Me

What do you think drives their behaviour?

OP posts:
justchristmas · 25/12/2023 21:13

DH has a sibling like this.

We don't give it any headspace. Everyone is much happier for it.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
BingoMarieHeeler · 25/12/2023 21:16

DH’s sibling is like this. And his dad.

Did you reach out to them at all? Don’t blame you if not, DH’s family either don’t respond or send back something generic, almost template-like. So no point really.

Original poster
bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 21:25

Yes I do reach out and feel like I'm desperate or something, just get hardly anything back, I relate to the template thing !! It's just like there is no effort at all from their side

OP posts:
BingoMarieHeeler · 25/12/2023 21:29

Just noticed your username - that phrase has been swimming round my head constantly lately. You know the full version is ’the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’? Love that.

ssd · 25/12/2023 22:04

bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 21:02

What do you think drives their behaviour?

Show quote history

They are just really self centred

PMTsickandtiredofyourshit · 25/12/2023 22:18

She’s probably suffering and perhaps sees you as siding with your mum so is avoiding you both.

It doesn’t sound as though you have much respect for her anyway so you’ve not really lost anything. Almost as if you were looking for another reason to criticise her.

My sister finds Christmas and events very triggering due to childhood losses so I respectfully leave her be at these times although she knows she’s always welcome to stay with me and my little family if she wishes.

Just accept the situation for what it is and enjoy your day.

Yellofello · 25/12/2023 22:34

Yes. No changing some folk.

Original poster
bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 22:47

PMTsickandtiredofyourshit · 25/12/2023 22:18

She’s probably suffering and perhaps sees you as siding with your mum so is avoiding you both.

It doesn’t sound as though you have much respect for her anyway so you’ve not really lost anything. Almost as if you were looking for another reason to criticise her.

My sister finds Christmas and events very triggering due to childhood losses so I respectfully leave her be at these times although she knows she’s always welcome to stay with me and my little family if she wishes.

Just accept the situation for what it is and enjoy your day.

We used to be very close. But she is a very selfish person with an extremely nasty side to her, she has caused lots of drama the last few years due to her drinking and refusal to get help or accept support from her family. She also chooses her partner over her family aswell. So yes maybe I am critical of her, but with good reason. It doesn't stop me from loving her, you don't really have to like your family but the love is still there.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 22:49

@PMTsickandtiredofyourshit Actually quite annoying you think I am the one looking for reasons to criticise etc. if only you knew she shit she has put us through and literally blanks us all off after causing so much chaos and worry!

OP posts:
14Q · 25/12/2023 22:52

She hasn't contacted you today but it sounds like you haven't contacted her either 🤷🏻‍♀️

PMTsickandtiredofyourshit · 25/12/2023 22:52

But love is a verb. Of your words and actions are not loving, will she feel loved?
I think she will feel judged.

The shame about herself will trap her in alcoholism.

You need to back off, let her hit rock bottom and find her way back to you when she’s recovered if she wishes because it doesn’t sound as though you’re a particularly good refuge for her right now as her hurtful behaviour has left you so angry.

PMTsickandtiredofyourshit · 25/12/2023 22:55

OP, it might be ‘quite annoying’ to hear the truth.
You need to learn about the mechanics of alcoholism. She behaves badly when drunk then cuts you off because she’s cloaked in shame. It’s a painful trap.
If she knows that you will only judge her or see yourself as your mother’s protector then nothing will improve.

I recommend you read about triangulation and enmeshment.

Original poster
bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 22:57

I did contact her. Hours ago. I said earlier I reach out

OP posts:
SmugglersHaunt · 25/12/2023 22:59

I have a brother like that. He’s been so vile over the years and has stopped speaking to me (for no reason he can share) for 18 months, then 2 years, then most recently 10 years. The only reason we now have to communicate is to care for my elderly mum. I can’t wait till I never have to see or speak to him again.

14Q · 26/12/2023 00:02

bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 22:57

I did contact her. Hours ago. I said earlier I reach out

Sorry I misinterpreted what you meant. If you 'reached out' to her today then what did that entail?

MintJulia · 26/12/2023 00:13

If you haven't heard from her for a whole year, she may be coping with all sorts of stuff. She may have had the year from hell.

Perhaps if you were a little less judgemental, she might feel more able to get in touch.

Maybe try a bit of 'goodwill to all men' .....

DoAWheelie · 26/12/2023 00:17

BingoMarieHeeler · 25/12/2023 21:29

Just noticed your username - that phrase has been swimming round my head constantly lately. You know the full version is ’the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb’? Love that.

No it's not that's a fake story that's been floating around Reddit for years and debunked for almost as long

The first known use of the supposed "full phrase" is several hundred years after the original shorter one.

Original poster
bloodsthicker · 26/12/2023 06:02

A merry Christmas message to her and her partner !! And also telling I have offers here for her children

Not sure why I'm the bad one here ?

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodsthicker · 26/12/2023 06:07

MintJulia · 26/12/2023 00:13

If you haven't heard from her for a whole year, she may be coping with all sorts of stuff. She may have had the year from hell.

Perhaps if you were a little less judgemental, she might feel more able to get in touch.

Maybe try a bit of 'goodwill to all men' .....

I never said it's been a whole year did I?
I hear from her very sporadically but it's only when I reach out and then I get a brief message back.
I know what she's been going through, it consists of quitting job after job because she argues with everybody and can't get on with anyone. Arguing with her partner because she's stayed up all night drinking again. She didn't wish my child happy birthday yet if it was the other way round she would be furious.
I'm sorry but yeah I am a little angry, angry nobody ever pulls her up on her behaviour and therefore she never has to take any responsibility for her actions.

OP posts:
Catsknowbest · 26/12/2023 06:13

bloodsthicker · 25/12/2023 21:25

Yes I do reach out and feel like I'm desperate or something, just get hardly anything back, I relate to the template thing !! It's just like there is no effort at all from their side

So relate! I got upset on 23rd when realised yet again no card coming from brother and partner. Weirdly get on great with his partner but brother can be an entitled and moody sod. Went to a lot of trouble to send special cards to them and got a thank you from his partner 2 weeks ago. No card. No text until I initiated it in late afternoon yesterday. Puzzles me as get on so well with his partner so can only assume brother behind not sending. Not bothering next xmas and deciding to let it go this morning as it just winds me up. It didn't help that my DP turned a big milestone birthday last year; they know him well and he had had a terrible 2 years after a disabling illness so his birthday was an achievement. No card. It hurt. I always send for birthdays too.

Sweethearte · 26/12/2023 06:13

OP, you clearly can't stick her. I wouldnt want to contact you if you thought that way about me either.

Original poster
bloodsthicker · 26/12/2023 06:29

Sweethearte · 26/12/2023 06:13

OP, you clearly can't stick her. I wouldnt want to contact you if you thought that way about me either.

Okay, if you say so !
Easy for you to judge me when you know nothing about the situation
Thanks for your input

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodsthicker · 26/12/2023 06:31

@DoAWheelie Yeah at this point it sounds like not bothering is the best thing...
you sound the same as me and do make an effort but get nothing back. You only hear off my sister when she wants something.

OP posts:
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