Are you going to bed happy tonight?

[CatalogueOnVinylFlooring]

I didn't think I would be. DM passed away a little over a month ago and December has been so difficult. But DH and I made the decision to stay here with DS instead of going to his family because I couldn't face it. And we've had such a lovely day of playing games, grazing on buffet and sipping cava. DH has given me some really thoughtful gifts (full body massage voucher and booked me into a six week yoga course to try and rid the tension from my muscles) and despite having a few years earlier after speaking with my brother, I feel genuinely ok and, dare I say it, even happy?

Sorry for your loss. It sounds like you've had a lovely day. My dad passed away in May suddenly, it's our first Xmas without him and I was dreading it and felt so sad in the last few weeks however today has been really lovely. Some of the sadness has lifted and me and my brother have laughed with the rest of our family. We shared a little hug as I left with my baby earlier and it felt like we were saying 'we got through it!'.

Also those gifts sound lovely and so thoughtful!

I’m pleased you had a lovely day.
This is the first year without my mum and I was nervous about how we would be. We stayed at home and brought my dad to us and it has been lovely.
In our Christmas crackers we had a game of bingo and had so much fun playing this as it was my mums favourite game.
Christmas will forever be different but today has shown that we can still have fun and be happy.

That’s lovely OP, glad you are having a nice day.
feeling a bit meh here. I always do on Christmas Day, I love the run up but the actual day I can do without. Also feel like 11yo is a bit disappointed because he got a phone, which he does need, but not really any ‘toys’ - I think it’s the Christmas where he realises that he’s growing up and it’s all lost its magic a bit. Regretting not buying him at least a board game or something we could have done together. He’s not even using his phone, he’s on his old tablet anyway. First world problems and all that, I know.

Went better than I expected. My mum died in September.

Blessings to all xxx

I am so sorry about your Mum @CatalogueOnVinylFlooring.

We have had an amazing day and have started some new traditions that I suspect we will carry forward now. I am very happy with where things are for us sometimes I have to pinch myself because after a rough few years I never dreamed how much happier I would be after making sense of it all.

Wishing everyone a wonderful 2024.

So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad a few years ago and the first Christmas is so hard, but glad you've managed to have a happy, chilled day.
We've had a lovely relaxed day and will be lighting a candle for my dad tonight. I'm definitely going to bed happy and content. Not because of the thoughtful gifts, but because for the first year in a long time I don't feel stressed or strung out, or even guilty. I spoke about my dad over lunch as ds2 asked about him (he never met him), and I didn't cry. So that's a good first step for me. Big hugs ((()))) to everyone who has lost someone to close to them.

I lost my lovely mum nearly 6 weeks ago. Dad 14 months ago. Grieving the family unit. Been a hard day but equally a lovely one

Well my post is completely inappropriate in context x hugs to you all x

Not this year. Usually love Christmas but I lost my lovely nana a week ago so couldn’t face it. No kids to think of so we’ve just had a ‘normal’ day. Will try next year.

No, this is the second Christmas without DH and the Christmas before he was very, very sick and at home on end of life care. I have tried very hard to be happy over the last few days but now I am properly alone and everything is done I just have a huge pain in my heart. It's a physical ache and it never leaves me.

Much love to everyone who is feeling a loss right now.

I don't think it is at all, there is a huge range of reasons for not feeling happy tonight and yours is just as valid as anyone else's (in fact it made me smile in an ironic way because I remember similar events when my kids were younger and it can be bloody tough).

I am upstairs reading at my Mum's. Had a stressful night as Dad is v poorly with stage four lung cancer and has some weird pain thing going on which I think is related to him being constipated and he was in such pain last night. I held his hand and told him I loved him and shed some tears and made bad jokes with him but then I was on hyper alert all night listening out. He was OK bless him. Have had a gorgeous day of looking after them all and cooking dinner and my partner has been a legend. Some lovely presents seeing brother and wife and their kids tomorrow which will be a joy. Then we are heading 3 hours back down south and I feel guilty for wanting my own home and bed while my Mum is stuck looking after Dad. Then having small panics about what will happen to my partner and I in the future as we do not have kids.
But as I said to Dad last night, what is life without the dark bits. We only feel the pain because we have known the good. So I am delighted in the various ways we have all shown that we love each other this weekend. I am blessed. I still wish it wasn't happening to Dad though.

Lots of love and unmumsnetty hugs to those who are grieving.

Sorry for your loss OP. Not going to bed happy but okish, which is f8ine by me. Had terrible two years since partner took his life and have decided I have got to .prioritise my health. Need to learn to live alongside with what's happened. Hand hold to anyone suffering.

It's not at all! I just wondered how everyone else was getting on today. Your woes are just as valid x

No,feeling quite sad and a bit hopeless. My miðdle chikd has ASD and its not that Christmas overwhelms him (before I get all those responses), because he is self centred and verbally and physically hurtful almost every day, it just hurts more on a day like this, when he has got exactly what he wanted from Santa, thoughtful appropriate presents from others ( he is very difficult to buy for as he is really contrary). So pulling decorations off the tree and the mattress off his bed and telling me I'd ruined Chrustmas when he asked me to help with his Lego but got too frustrated to accept help and broke some of it made me cry.
After last year's disaster with dinner I made a sort of finger food selection of mostly foods he likes and eats lots of. Mini burgers, spicy wedges, cubed potatoes, chicken bits, stuffing. With a few extra bits for the girls and me (to be fair they liked the finger food selection too). But he ran off three times, came back each time angry and telling me I'd ruined the dinner, only ate a few bites of food, and sat glowering at everyone. It made for a tense meal.
I spoke to him at bedtime (he's not asleep ... still racketing about keeping his sister awake and I just want one hour on the couch with my DH and a glass of wine) about how hurtful actions and words like his todays can be and that I was disappointed. He understood but I'm sure he will do the same again.
So I'm just sad that Christmas is so much about managing his emotions and reactions and that impacts the enjoyment for everyone else. Because i can't see it changing any year soon.

I’ve had a non-Christmas to match my non-birthday earlier this month (then very unwell with Covid; now still completely flattened though germ-free) but am too tired to mind missing celebrating.

Daddy & my stepmother wanted the day to themselves as they were told about a week ago her cancer had metastasised: this will almost certainly be her last Christmas. Given she was told in October surgery had removed it all… Next year it will be 30 years since my father was suddenly widowed (& I will step out past mummy, older, somehow, ridiculously, than she ever got to be) & it is horrific to think of him going through that grief again. Even with the time to prepare; even with a wife in her seventies. (And to be clear, I don’t want my stepmother to die for her own sake/full stop).

Being somewhere else today would have - however much I love the people I was with - rammed home the impending loss. Being curled up at home with the cats & sleeping through most of the day made it just another Christmas I was too ill for, which isn’t a huge deal. Mass is available from all over the place now, not just St Peter’s; & catch-up Christmases can be more fun that real ones sometimes.

All the cat snuggles; getting to talk to lots of my favourite humans but without wobbling into tears & upsetting them; & seeing that my niece was enchanted by her very-hard-to-get present? On balance I am happy, despite the sensation of being in a snow globe of sorrows: while I just have to keep remembering to cast lumos, I can’t help but feel a deluminator would really come in handy…

💐🍫🍰🫖☕️🍷☀️🌈🍀🥰
to all those who are, for whatever struggling at the moment

Those of you who are grieving: you do, I promise, get through it. Not over it, but through. Surviving it so it becomes less raw - you become less raw - & endurable becomes enjoyable. Hang in there.

Sorry for your loss, op. Your Christmas day sounds lovely and peaceful.

I'm off to bed now happy too. Ds1 is 3.5 and it was the first year he understood. He was so excited all day. We played with presents, had a big family meal, me, DH 2 DSs with my mum, auntie, uncle and 2 cousins. Brilliant day. Lots of fun, food, laughter until I cried at one point