Already going into shutdown (ASD)

[TisnottheseasontobeND]

Christmas is just too much. Dc have only been up 2 hours and I’ve had to go and shut myself in my room to decompress. It’s totally overwhelming and I feel shit.

I tried to be super organised for today but due to also having adhd I still didn’t do everything perfectly so still feel that panicky ‘should I try and do 400 things all at the same time within the next 10 mins’ whilst my asd screams internally alongside ‘no that’s too much and what about the usual routine ???’

And we have to go out later to see family and I dont think I’m going to be able to

Sit and breathe! This is a bloody tough day for you.

Nothing has to be perfect! It's an impossible standard we set ourselves based on what we think other people are going to this.

Build some retreat space into your day - go for a walk when you're visiting others. Explain to them that you need some quiet space.

In future, if you need your routine, thats ok! We've not visited others for 14 years on Xmas day. The world has not come to an end. We do what we can manage.

Our eldest son and youngest daughter (13 and 11) are both AuDHD. Dh and I are both ADHD. Changing our mindset when our eldest (now 15) had her first Xmas and we visited both sets of parents (around their own Xmas dinner) and DH's brother and wife then came home to cook our own meal was a game changer for us.

Continued...

We realised we couldn't continue this moving forward. And as our family grew and their needs became more evident, we made sure that was front and centre.

Christmas is such a pressured time that we forget that we don't just have to celebrate giving everything. We give what we choose, and that includes how much of ourselves we can give to others. Why do we give ourselves to others? The trees are dormant and resting. The natural world is in state of sleep and rest. Why can't we apply that to ourselves too?

Yes, the human race as a whole is supposed to be social and giving. But it's ok to retreat, to rest and to take care of ourselves too.

What do you feel you have to do now though? Can you make a list to mentally cross them off because they can’t/ don’t need to be done?