Why does my MIL bother me so much?

[Eliffant]

I was going to post in AIBU but I know I am being unreasonable! I don't know what it is about my MIL but everything she does annoys me. It started because she isn't very friendly towards me, and can be quite critical and not able to keep opinions to herself (for example, complaining about my crockery because she doesn't like it, criticizing toys I buy for my baby daughter), but nothing worse than that. However this christmas they're staying with us and I don't like the way she talks to and plays with my very young baby - I guess I feel like she's being possessive over her (she called herself mum but it was probably a slip of the tongue) and said they're going to take her back home with them (but not seriously) but I think this is a problem with me, not with MIL.

How can I stop myself from feeling annoyed like this when MIL hasn't done anything to deserve it?!

I think you should express some of this so it doesn't fester. I don't mean a big scary confrontation but next time she is critical to you then say something like "well I chose the crockery because I like the style" or " well I can't please everyone with what I have in my house".

I think if you don't express it you just end up boiling about it.

Same here. You don’t owe anyone to like them, just be civil.

I think if someone already narks you, you're quicker to be annoyed by them.
It's like you're waiting for them to piss you off constantly and even minor stuff can wind you up.

I feel like this about my MIL a lot and it annoys me I feel this way. She’s also critical of everyone, talks incessantly but doesn’t ever ask questions about us or the kids. I don’t think she means badly though. I wish I could let it wash over me and not be irritated.

Becauses she's your MiL and it's MN law to not like her.

It’s good you’ve reflected it’s more about you. I think when little stuff winds us up it’s more about us than them. Try to have some empathy for her behaviour. Try not to sweat the small stuff.