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Original poster

Christmas: you realise you have nothing in common with family

46 replies

greencurds · 24/12/2023 10:58

I’ve been trying to make sure I keep in touch with both sides of my family. I’ve never seen much of my dad’s family. We see each other at Christmas and maybe once each summer.

I grew up in Hong Kong (ex pat) and have lived in Cambridge for university and London for the rest of my life. Work in the city. Travel a lot.

Drove up to Lancashire to go to a Christmas party at an uncle’s house. I could not have felt more out of place, despite being closely related. They genuinely treat me like I am an alien, despite being welcoming etc. They drink beer or neat smart price gin. They made an effort to buy some £4 wine for me. The football was on the tv and most of the conversation was related to work complaints of having to work 35 hours a week… I add this, because our lives and experiences are so so different we genuinely have nothing in common other than sharing ancestors.

OP posts:

blu124 · 24/12/2023 11:00

they drink beer and cheap gin? Could it be that you feel they're beneath you and they can sense it?

ssd · 24/12/2023 11:09

You seem to be looking down on them op

OrigamiOwls · 24/12/2023 11:11

Kindly I wonder if they can sense that you think they are beneath you. You've been lucky to have what sounds like wonderful opportunities in life that they may not have had access to.
Either accept them for who they are or leave them in peace.
I imagine they'd be mortified if they found out you'd been online talking about them how you have, whilst partaking in their hospitality.

TeacherCollection · 24/12/2023 11:12

Maybe they realise you’re a raging snob?

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 24/12/2023 11:12

I grew up in Hong Kong (ex pat) and have lived in Cambridge for university and London for the rest of my life. Work in the city. Travel a lot.
Are they immediate family so also grew up in HK but moved to Lancs?
As frequently appears on MN, do you 'lower' yourself to go to the distant north from ⭐️london!!!💫 expecting to dazzle all with your big city self and they just aren't as wowed as you expect them to be?

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 24/12/2023 11:13

Oh and what do you bring to the party? Re £4 wine, where on earth sells that?!

Dartmoorcheffy · 24/12/2023 11:16

Aw are they a bit too working class for you. Get over yourself.

Original poster

greencurds · 24/12/2023 11:17

But this is the thing, even though we were all very nice and chatty to each other, the differences are so obvious it’s hard to not notice.

No, this side of the family have never left Lancashire or moved away. They’re very anti immigrant which is difficult as someone married to one!

I took 3 bottles of £12 wine and some treats which were swiftly hidden away.

OP posts:

easylikeasundaymorn · 24/12/2023 11:18

So they are welcoming and make an effort to get a specific type of drink in that they wouldn't have normally because they thought you'd prefer it? They sound really nice!

Do you only socialise with people you are similar to? That sounds really boring! Plus you have at least one thing in common - your dad. If nothing else it sounds like a good opportunity to learn about his childhood, your grandparents, family history, funny stories, social history of growing up in that area...if you're as high-flying, educated and well-travelled as you seem to want to present yourself surely you should have a lot of experience in making polite chit chat for a few hours.

Most people realise they don't have much in common/very different views with family members when spending extended periods of time with them - if you come on here over the next few days that's what at least half the threads will be about, you're not special!

Lalalanding · 24/12/2023 11:19

Why wouldn’t you bring your own booze. The notion that people hosting are going to cater to your every whim surely is for hotels or perhaps the big houses of old, nowadays people are far more able to meet their own needs no?

ConstitutionHill · 24/12/2023 11:28

This has to be a wind up?

BakedTattie · 24/12/2023 11:34

If you brought booze to my party, I’d assume it a gift?

Adelaide66 · 24/12/2023 11:38

How much interest did you show in them?
Being a visitor has obligations too. Kindness and the ability to laugh at yourself are universal ice breakers.
Nobody is perfect.

cheezncrackers · 24/12/2023 11:44

I'm not surprised you have nothing in common with them OP - you've lived completely different lives in completely different places. Just because you share some DNA, that's irrelevant when you've lived such different lives and had such different experiences. And, to be blunt, it sounds like you're totally different social classes. People on MN can call you a snob, but I wouldn't want to drink £4 wine either. Am I a snob? Maybe, but if I'd taken some nice wine to drink, I'd want to fucking drink it, not some cheap shit that would give me a banging head and make me feel crap. YANBU.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 24/12/2023 11:55

Are your parents and any siblings still around? Wondering why you've chosen to go to be hosted by people you have such derision for?

grayhairdontcare · 24/12/2023 14:35

So I'm reading....,
Southern relative visits northern family and can't think of anything to say because they are outside their London bubble!

TokyoSushi · 24/12/2023 14:37

OP! Surely this isn't a genuine thread? Where do you get £4 wine for a start?!

brawnthesheep · 24/12/2023 14:42

Why does the price of the wine matter? Some of my extended family leave very different lives to me but we can still have a laugh.

brawnthesheep · 24/12/2023 14:43

Southern relative visits northern family and can't think of anything to say because they are outside their London bubble!

Please don't tar Londoners with the same brush from a born & bred one.

beatrix1234 · 24/12/2023 14:55

You sound like you have nothing in common (besides some ancestors) with these people, it’s not fun for you and very possibly it’s not fun for them. Find folks who
you get along with and have something in common, spending Christmas with a bunch of people who drink cheap gin and watch football sounds like a nightmare to me so I totally feel your pain. I’m also an immigrant, any xenophobic or anti immigrant behaviour gets an instant block from me (family or not).

coxesorangepippin · 24/12/2023 14:57

You're gonna get your arse handed to you op and rightly so.

You could not be more smug.

Very distasteful

coxesorangepippin · 24/12/2023 14:59

the differences are so obvious it’s hard to not notice.

You realize your Northern pleb relatives notice the difference too?

That stuck up lass from Cambridge who thinks she better than us cos she 'travels a lot' and has no manners when hosted and offered food and drink?

AnnaMagnani · 24/12/2023 15:05

Do you only socialise with people you are similar to?

Isn't this a normal way to socialise?

Most people socialise with each other as they have something in common - live in same area, have same or similar workplace, a hobby in common.

If you don't have any of these and are limited to one shared relationship with someone who isn't at the gathering, I can see it would be really hard going.

Dartmoorcheffy · 24/12/2023 15:16

I can actually understand what the op means despite my earlier sarcastic post.

I grew up in a mill town in Lancashire. It was and still is very close knit but is also extremely run down now since the closures of all the industry which employed most of the town (paper, textiles, and metal engineering )

Very few of my peers leave the area. And anyone who lives in London is perceived as glamorous and well travelled. Most lancashire towns have few restaurants other than an Indian and a Chinese, few fancy wine bars and not even many pubs these days as so many have closed. People tend to marry someone from the same area and rarely leave. Again few can afford university and lancashire really is still very working class.

But when I go back, I don't look down on my relatives. And I certainly don't mind cheap gin and wine, but maybe its because it's my lancashire roots.

grayhairdontcare · 24/12/2023 15:24

@Dartmoorcheffy so no one from a lancashire mill town goes anywhere and London is well travelled 🤣🤣🤣
It's the thread that keeps giving

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