Single parent Christmas - do find it difficult, any tips

[Reepycheepy]

Morning all

Having a low moment this morning - probably because I’m so tired as eldest has woken me in the night for the last few weeks and I’ve been working until Friday.

Single parent, Xmas is just me and my 2 DC (9 and 12). Eldest has adhd and behaviour can be very difficult, particularly if trying to do anything like board games etc. Their dad is usually pops in to see them but is away this Xmas with their half siblings so DC are also upset. Parent always spends Xmas with my sibling and nieces, won’t consider anything else and are quite far away. So it’s always just me and them.

i obviously try to make it fun for the kids and think I succeed - they always want the same Xmas and seem to enjoy it. I just find it and the run up so exhausting and tbh a bit depressing. Obviously I have to do everything on my own - so all the pre Xmas prep, cleaning and then cooking and tidying on the day ( although I do try and keep it simple and tea at myself to some pre made stuff). They will then go to their dads and I go back to work.

Quite a sociable person and having no other adult for 3 days is difficult for me. Always get to the end of the day and I’m doing a tidy and just feel very down. I guess it makes me realise how I don’t really have anyone for whom I’m the priority/cares for me. Have had other single parents invite me away with them but eldest couldn’t handle it and wouldn’t want to risk him spoiling someone else’s Xmas.

Anyway sorry for the moan! I have booked dinner at the pub for us this evening so hopefully that will cheer me up!

Ah I'm sorry. I've been a single parent at Christmas but with a supportive family and younger DC. Could you snuggle the kids up in your bed or on the sofa for a Christmas film and snacks to end the day?

This was me a few years ago. I was a single parent to two boys - youngest has autism and ADHD and he was (still is!) very difficult. I used to find this period so depressing and sad so I’m not going to try and minimise your feelings. What I will say is that your kids love you more than anyone else in the world so you ARE someone’s priority, even if they’re not able to express it in the traditional way. My advice is be kind to yourself, watch movies, don’t put yourself up against any expectations. It won’t be like this forever abs to be honest, now that those days are behind me, I kind of miss them. Try and enjoy what you have ❤️

Thank you both for replying.

With perfect timing my oven has also just stopped working. Gah. Guess it will give a focus to today at least …

Hope the day is going better for you @Reepycheepy and you can get the oven working. Otherwise slow cooker?

It's hard on your own but your dc will remember their Christmas's as adults and be in awe of you when they remember all you did for them. Chin up. (And by Tuesday it's pretty much all over!!)

Just wanted to say I do understand I'm on my own with 4 aged 13 to 7.
We are supposed to be fun and happy at this time of year and on the surface I am and ensure kids have a good day but I really dislike it all, extra school commitments, extra money to spend, extra events to attend alone. It's very depressing when you are not sharing those tasks and the cost and the emotional stuff with anyone else. Even practical things like shopping with all of us is fucking hard.

I have learnt to have some small breaks for me during this time and not feel guilty for it. For example, hot baths, nice easy food to enjoy and not fuss over cooking, a lie in, reading a book on peace and I smoke in the garden for these couple of days then stop again for new year's. The way I see it buying 40 fags and a couple of bottles of wine to see me through the festive fun helps me cope and gives me moments to be alone outside. I gave up smoking 15 years go but always go back around this time.

I so start planning for next year, budgeting and focusing on this bit being over. The kids don't know any of thos they think it's all fun but I really don't enjoy it, apart from seeing them have a great time which means a lot.

It's not always a great time for everyone give yourself a break Nd a pat on the back for getting through it and being there for the kids and for providing.

Just sending love and solidarity your way - I’m also a SP with ND kids. But they will love the Christmas you’ve made them.

Have you bought yourself any presents? I always wrap myself a few things to open under the tree.

Reach out to friends too, if you can. I always assumed everyone was enjoying time with their families over Xmas but it turns out married couples like a break from each other too!

Joining in too. Single parent, ex essentially not involved, a year of multiple very difficult court proceedings (finally divorced at least 🎉), family not supportive (no major fallouts just not interested). 3 DC, now 16, 14, 12.

Most Christmases in the past decade since we split have been me & DC, and most have been hard. I'm usually exhausted, stressed from the cost of it, and lonely. This year they are a bit older so I thought it would be easier - but (till today), they've been fighting, grumpy, not helping out. But finally with a bit of a Christmas miracle, the house is tidy & sorted, kids are being pleasant & life is harmonious - for now.

All I can advise is that I dropped expectations massively this year, didn't worry about not having the family Christmas I aspired to, and have also thought about what I need (eg the chance to get out for a run, time to be on my own with a book) and so hopefully it'll feel more enjoyable.

I empathise with the lack of adult company, I found that very hard too. I know I'll feel low, at some point, and am just allowing myself to feel it & know I'll move past it.

I hope your oven got sorted OP. You are doing a great job 💐

I also agree with the last post about some excecise I used to love running but can't leave the kids alone so we do a dog walk and I do a home work out. Sounds a bit boring but that alone time cheers me up and the dog walks fresh air also helps. Lowering expectations too and remembering that there are very many unhappy couples who are gritting their teeth and surviving it all too.

Solidarity from me too. Single parent, one DS12 with ADHD. This year he’s with his dad and I’ve actually gone away on my own for a couple of days. My dad passed away this year (only surviving parent and it felt hard) so I thought I’d go something different but in previous years it’s always been me and my son. I’ve found it very difficult at times - it’s lonely, plus the pressure to create something great for your kid, having to do it all on your own, the expense, crap weather so you’re stuck indoors a lot, it’s my least favourite time of year tbh. As others have said, I’ve found reducing my expectations a lot has helped eg make the cooking a bit easier for yourself it doesn’t all have to be traditional Xmas stuff, have what the kids like, and also if there’s any opportunity to see a friend
or escaping for a walk, run, whatever it is that gives you a breather. So many people struggle at Christmas, I’d say it was the norm and the ‘cosy family’ set up portrayed in the ads is actually the less common scenario.