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Original poster

I can't sleep. I'm too sad.

18 replies

garlictwist · 24/12/2023 00:59

Until this year I was a healthy, very active and happy person. Throughout 2023 I've developed a range of health problems and physical disabilities that have left me a shell of my former self.

I've been working hard all year to try and be positive and find solutions. Now the year is nearly over and I am in worse pain than ever.

I honestly wouldn't care if I died tomorrow. I have no enthusiasm for life. I love my partner deeply and my parents, brother and nephews. But other than that I just don't really want to carry on.

I am not going to top myself. But I feel so drained and sad.

OP posts:

TwistTheRibs · 24/12/2023 01:07

Hi OP, I'm presuming you've spoken to your GP and are receiving treatment/on a waiting list for treatment, if any is available? Also, have you been given adequate pain relief?

It might also be worth looking into your diet and whether that could be having an adverse effect. I know that carbs/sugar can be ultra-inflammatory. Cold showers can also help with numerous health problems (though I appreciate they are not particularly enticing in winter!)

Really hope you manage to find some relief from your pain and have an okay Christmas, if you celebrate it :)

TwistTheRibs · 24/12/2023 01:08

P.S. Both our usernames have the word twist in them 😁 Thought that was pretty cool.

Tonight1 · 24/12/2023 01:17

That sounds really sad. Have you got a good GP?

Thistlelass · 24/12/2023 01:20

I've been where you are at a good few times in my life and it is not nice. I try to remember that things change and move on with the passage of time. This includes my thoughts and feelings. Major changes to health status can be extremely hard to deal with and I know this to my cost. I really think you should share your feelings and anxieties with your Doctor. In the meantime just taking each day as it comes and just trying to get the most out of it may help.

capabilityfrowns · 24/12/2023 02:17

Hey op I could have written your op. I get it . I'm alone so it quite hard , I've hired home help . I'm still waiting diagnoses which points to MS . Keep going chic . X

Original poster

garlictwist · 24/12/2023 02:25

Thanks all. I've seen the GP who was great and am on the waiting list for a consultant but it's a year long at the moment. I think accepting my fate is the best way forward, it's just finding how.

OP posts:

iamtheiliad · 24/12/2023 02:30

I’m so sorry. I’ve been there in the past but was fortunate enough that my health conditions were ones that I was able to minimise the impact of in certain ways. I’ve come to terms with pacing and knowing that there are certain things that I either can’t do or need to do less or in order to be as well as I can. It was very difficult to adjust to initially though.

Have you been offered anything to help with the pain at all? Pain management was really important for me as pain itself really does bring you down so much.

crew2022 · 24/12/2023 02:39

I had an unexpected but seriously debilitating illness pre 2020. It took about 18 months to recover and has left a few ill effects even now, and may return yet.
It had such an impact at its very worst I felt like giving up and I lost hope but I did get medical treatment and it did make a difference and I do feel much better now. I still don't feel back to my old self but I can live happily and feel good again.
Please remember there is always hope and you may well feel better in the future although it's hard to imagine.
Don't give up OP (medical treatments progress all the time as well).

JanglingJack · 24/12/2023 02:47

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. It's sad to read.

I was diagnosed with a lifelong condition this year that's just going to deteriorate. It's already affecting my ability to walk. I can't drive ever again, you know, life has changed a lot.

It's okay to feel sad when the reality hits you. More than sad. Very low infact.

Do you think you may be depressed? Is it worth giving GP a call about how you are feeling. This really isn't a great time of year either when you're supposed to be painting a bloody smile on!

I do hope feel better, I do calling the GP maybe on the 27th may be the way forward.

caringcarer · 24/12/2023 02:50

Yesterday I finally got an appointment for the pain management clinic. I cried in relief. I have been waiting in pain, having physiotherapy that doesn't seem to help and actually makes the pain worse for 2 days after each appointment, for almost 10 months. I hope you get your appointment soon.

Original poster

garlictwist · 24/12/2023 04:50

Thanks @caringcarer Might I ask what your condition is? I haven't heard about a clinic like that.

OP posts:

Octavia64 · 24/12/2023 04:54

I've had a referral to a pain clinic before.

They're run by most hospitals and they help people deal with pain from a whole range of conditions, often ones that cannot be cured.

They're staffed by consultants and nurses etc.

My local one is this

www.cuh.nhs.uk/our-services/chronic-pain-service/

Christmasconcerts · 24/12/2023 04:59

Living with constant pain is difficult to describe unless you’ve been in that position. I think some people think it’s just a question of taking the strongest drugs available but they never made a difference to me , even the big guns like Diazepam and Tramadol. And some of the side effects are unpleasant (it’s also extremely expensive if you’re still paying for your prescriptions, something I didn’t factor when I injured myself a few years ago.)

I remember it well. It’s natural to reflect at the end of the year but honestly there’s a limit to what you can do. Mines actually playing me up again now and while it’s nothing like what it was it’s still painful and unpleasant.

caringcarer · 24/12/2023 05:58

garlictwist · 24/12/2023 04:50

Thanks @caringcarer Might I ask what your condition is? I haven't heard about a clinic like that.

Arthritis.

caringcarer · 24/12/2023 06:00

I had to go for physiotherapy and they referred me.

BCBird · 24/12/2023 06:08

Hi OP. I understand how pain is debilitating physically and emotionally. I think it changes your personality too. U sometimes wonder where the old you has gone. If there is anything that brings you joy indulge in that. Can u get out in nature? Take care OP. I hope u get some relief soon.

JoannaStayton · 24/12/2023 06:15

I don't really have advice for you but just wanted to say I was so sorry to read your post. That sounds so hard.

Sending love to you for Christmas and hope the good parts of your day shine increasingly brightly. X

endofthelinefinally · 24/12/2023 06:22

I am sorry OP. Chronic pain is very hard to deal with.
I lost my son in horrific circumstances in 2016. I immediately developed a collection of autoimmune conditions with a lot of disability and pain. Gradually, with a lot of battling with some bits of the nhs I am in remission from the worst condition, my chronic nerve pain is under control and my main problem now is rheumatoid arthritis. I am just starting to get a little better with tablets, injections and physio. It has been a long, hard, slog. Keep going, keep trying and keep asking for help.

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