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Original poster

Attention seeking sister on FB posting dead photos

31 replies

whichspidermummy · 23/12/2023 11:02

My mum's little 16yr old dog died yesterday. Mum is rightly devastated. I was close to the dog and absolutely loved him, so did my DS. My DB (before he died), ended up becoming the substitute master and slept in his bed etc. After he died (and before tbh), he took to my DS (who didn't live there).

Even on Friday the dog perked up when DS came in, but lay asleep when Dsis was there.

Dsis has to take DM to the vets as DM is 81 and doesn't drive.

Yesterday DM put up posts about how upset she was, understandable. I posted nothing, even though I was upset too, as it's not my dog.

However, today my Dsis has posted a photo of the dog dead at the vets, saying how sad she was that she had to put down her "brother's dog." No mention of the fact that it was, in fact, my mum's dog, or that it is was, in fact, my mum who looked after him, fed him, walked him - lived with him.

She also put that she went on holiday with two dogs and came back with three - no! She had two dogs going there and back - mum and dad came back with a puppy, having gone there with no dogs.

Of course she's getting lots of sympathy, as if it's her dog, but I'm literally shaking with anger. She was never even nice to him and he was scared of her.

I've told DM (who has FB so would've seen anyway) and she's angry. I want to say something publicly, but so far I've only put that mum will be lost without him. Heck I used to take him for walks, Dsis has never even done that.

The post is so inappropriate, especially the photo of the dead dog.

OP posts:
Original poster
whichspidermummy · 23/12/2023 11:18

Mum is really upset. She said that her dog was trying to nuzzle into her at the vets, but Dsis pulled his head and cradled him when he was PTS, even though Dmum wanted to.

OP posts:
SouthEastCoast · 23/12/2023 11:20

Everyone’s feelings are valid here. Your family doesn’t sound like it’s very harmonious from your posts.

LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 23/12/2023 11:28

Please don't conduct a family row via Facebook. If seeing her posts upsets you, mute her for a while. I'm not denying that your sister was a bit crass and you probably have valid reasons for being angry with her, however no one will come out of this well. Ignore, ignore ignore. And I feel sorry for your mum. I've had to have three dogs over the years pts. It's hard

BabyYoshke · 23/12/2023 11:28

Sorry for your loss. I’d put your mum first right now , listen to her and leave your sister to whatever it is she feels she needs to do. Don’t stir the pot any further between your mum and sister. Find someone else to complain to about your sister, someone who is a good listener and will let you vent (or mumsnet, as long as people don’t get you further riled up). It all sounds very sad and painful x

HeddaGarbled · 23/12/2023 11:33

This is a silly sibling quarrel. It was good of your sister to take your mum to the vets. Just come off Facebook and leave her alone.

user1471556818 · 23/12/2023 11:39

Mute her on Facebook for a while .Support your mum and don't get involved in the drama , sympathy posts .It's the most ridiculous use of Facebook and for every kind response I can bet there will be people wondering why info like this is posted to all.

Hellocatshome · 23/12/2023 11:48

This is a complete mountain out of a molehill. She might be being a bit of a grief theif but I think this situation doesn't need blowing out of proportion.

Original poster
whichspidermummy · 23/12/2023 11:50

I know, I was just shocked to see a photo of the dead dog. I will leave it, thank you.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 23/12/2023 11:51

It does sound a little attention seeking but to be "shaking with anger" is a disproportionate reaction.

Emotions are understandably high at the moment. It's not worth making a big fuss over.

Sera1989 · 23/12/2023 11:52

I don't know why she would think a photo of a dead dog is appropriate for Facebook, that would be upsetting for anyone to see. As others have suggested I would mute your sister and not get involved - it's for your mum to say something to your sis if she wants to

Shiningout · 23/12/2023 11:53

This is why I came off Facebook years ago. Most of the posts are just attention seeking and grief vultures.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 23/12/2023 11:56

Is be muting her.

when i read the title i thought it was going to be a baby. Ive seen that a couple or so times. And with one woman it was annually. That was distressing until she was muted.

Gingerlygreen · 23/12/2023 11:57

Your sister sounds dreadful, that photo would've been taken with social media in mind, who thinks to even take a photo of a dog that's just been put to sleep.

I'd have to comment on it and put a photo of the dog in its prime and say something about this is how you want to remember him and your Mom is devastated about losing her dog.

I'm in a foul mood today though so might be more rational tomorrow...

Original poster
whichspidermummy · 23/12/2023 11:57

@Sera1989 that's what I think triggered me, the photo of a dog that was dead. It was a knee jerk reaction, as mum had been posting photos of him alive, so it was just a photo of him deceased that triggered me.

OP posts:
PastorCarrBonarra · 23/12/2023 12:00

That photo is wholly inappropriate and you’re right to be unhappy about it, but I’d deal with it by stepping away from Facebook for a couple of weeks. Don’t conduct a Facebook squabble, you’d just be providing entertainment for others. Make sure that your mum is ok, check in on her regularly over Christmas, and leave it there.

Puddycatfan · 23/12/2023 12:01

I think the initial replies must have misunderstood your post. She posted photos of a dead dog, not photos of an alive dog that has since died.

I understand why you are so angry. It must extremely upsetting for you and your mum x

Aquamarine1029 · 23/12/2023 12:05

You shouldn't have said anything to your mother about the FB post as you've only served to inflame the situation. It's like you ran to your mum to tattle on your sister. It's just unnecessary drama.

TitaniasAss · 23/12/2023 12:05

I think your reaction is a bit over the top to be honest. Although, she's totally out of order of course and to post photos of the dog once it's died is weird and ghoulish.

It's understandable to be angry at grief stealers on FB, but perhaps just support your mum since she's the one who has lost her dog.

FictionalCharacter · 23/12/2023 12:16

whichspidermummy · 23/12/2023 11:18

Mum is really upset. She said that her dog was trying to nuzzle into her at the vets, but Dsis pulled his head and cradled him when he was PTS, even though Dmum wanted to.

What a nasty woman your sister is.
And why would she say it was your brother's dog not your mum's? I can't believe PPs are saying this is trivial.

BuriedUnderAllTheWrapping · 23/12/2023 12:28

She’s a grief thief. There’s lots of them around.

When our dog died very young, someone we know ‘announced’ it on Facebook, even spelling her name wrong. They were happily accepting everyone’s sympathy for a dog they hadn’t seen for 9 months, which was most of her very short life. We were devastated, with her dying so young it was very shocking. My kids were inconsolable and I remember being so angry that they would take it upon themselves to post about our dog, when their lives weren’t impacted. Posting the photo is extremely weird.

Distance yourself from her, don’t look at her Facebook. Losing a pet is heartbreaking enough, don’t give her any headspace.

WhatsTheUseOfWorrying · 23/12/2023 12:30

I’m amazed that anyone thinks anyone else wants to look at a dead dog on Facebook.

Original poster
whichspidermummy · 23/12/2023 12:31

@Aquamarine1029 I rang my mum, not to 'stir the pot', but because she is a FB addict and always looks us up. It was a warning! If she just happened to be looking at Dsis's FB feed and saw a photo of her beloved dog - dead - she would have reacted the same as me. As it is she's upset, said how much she loved him, but was glad she was forewarned as seeing him dead again was obviously upsetting, but she was prepared.

As predicted Dsis has got lots of people offering her their sympathies for the loss of 'her' beautiful dog. Mum never posted a photo of Dsis's dog when it died and claimed she'd lost it. Dsis has four dogs of her own.

I've muted her and turned off notifications.

OP posts:
Gnomegnomegnome · 23/12/2023 12:37

Try to report to facebook as an inappropriate photo. No one wants to see a dead animal as they are scrolling through their feed. Don’t tell her that you’ve done it.

Then ignore your sister and look after your mum.

Sugarsun · 23/12/2023 12:38

It sounds like sister is an attention seeker but you sound like you are too.

Everyone’s emotions are valid and this is not something you should be discussing with your mum and upsetting her even more.

Even on Friday the dog perked up when DS came in, but lay asleep when Dsis was there.

This is such a petty thing to say.

The dog would have loved everyone equally, apart from your mum who he’d have loved more because they lived in the same home.

Your mum needs your support right now, not you falling out with your sister and you both creating a drama over her dog that has just died.

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 23/12/2023 12:40

Your sister 100% should not have posted the picture on FB but the fact she called it your brother’s dog, who you admit was a substitute master & whose bed the dog slept in, means it’s possible the dogs passing has brought up feelings about your brother’s death for your sister i.e. her feelings right now aren’t just about the dog.