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Original poster

I'm too jealous

17 replies

Kajiit · 22/12/2023 21:39

I think I posted this in the wrong category so will get the old one deleted...sorry :(

I feel embarrassed writing this down, but I don't feel I can really tell anyone how I really feel. I strongly dislike my father's new girlfriend and I think it's because I am feeling somewhat envious or jealous, and also very embarrassed. She's way younger than him, and just 3 years older than I am and I feel incredibly awkward about the whole thing.
For context: I grew up with my father, because my mother left when I was quite young and I barely had any contact with her growing up. I appreciate that this can't have been easy for him either, but as a consequence I have always been quite accustomed to sharing his attention whenever he was going out with someone new. It really wasn't great but I got used to it. The taunts from my friends about his escapates were the worst to be fair, but I usually got on with the women.
I'm not sure why it's worse this time. I think it's because she is so young and almost my age, and maybe also because I have had a lot going on in my own life lately, but I feel so upset by it all. All I really want is to tell him everything and just cry, but I feel like I can't and I am so worried about being replaced. I know that I sound mental writing this which is why I don't think I can tell someone. Is this totally nuts or can someone understand me to a degree? I'm really dreading the next few days

OP posts:
ReflectiveRogue1001 · 22/12/2023 21:48

I don't mean this unkindly, but he sounds like a fairly shit dad.

I'm basing that on this...

I have always been quite accustomed to sharing his attention whenever he was going out with someone new. It really wasn't great but I got used to it.

I don't want to sound wanker-y, but I wonder if you're mourning your dad being your (present) dad?

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 22/12/2023 21:49

And, btw, the age gap is yuk 🤢🤢🤢

Very different circumstances, but my mum has a boyfriend 1 year older than me, and I find it utterly revolting

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/12/2023 21:51

Your dad sounds erratic and unreliable and yet he was the only ‘consistent’ care giver for you. That must have been tough and very unsettling dealing with a merry go round of changing girlfriends. And it’s absolutely natural you feel weird about him being intimate with someone young enough to be his daughter. All your feelings are valid. If I were you I would look into getting some private therapy to support you in unpicking your childhood and current feelings.

Janieforever · 22/12/2023 21:51

Honestly you’re not being replaced, I don’t know how to say this in a non gross way, but he doesn’t see her as a daughter, and he doesn’t see you as his girlfriend. They are very different roles. I’m concerned you think a partner can replace a child or vice Versa.

Janieforever · 22/12/2023 21:52

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/12/2023 21:51

Your dad sounds erratic and unreliable and yet he was the only ‘consistent’ care giver for you. That must have been tough and very unsettling dealing with a merry go round of changing girlfriends. And it’s absolutely natural you feel weird about him being intimate with someone young enough to be his daughter. All your feelings are valid. If I were you I would look into getting some private therapy to support you in unpicking your childhood and current feelings.

What has she said that makes him erratic and unreliable, as he dated/?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 22/12/2023 21:54

I agree with the others and say that yes the age gap is disgusting and he sounds like a rubbish dad.

It sounds as if your dad opted out of parenting and tried to get a succession of girlfriends who either were bothered or not with you and his escapades it sounds as if your friends knew about it and taunted you, maybe because it wasn’t really funny.

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/12/2023 21:54

‘Taunts from my friends about his escapades’ was a bit of a giveaway.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 22/12/2023 21:56

Janieforever · 22/12/2023 21:52

What has she said that makes him erratic and unreliable, as he dated/?

Show quote history

It’s there in OP’s first post, bringing one girlfriend after another into OP’s life, presumably at a fairly young age and not doing what’s usual nowadays which is waiting 6 months before introducing a new partner to a child.

ssd · 22/12/2023 21:56

Janieforever · 22/12/2023 21:51

Honestly you’re not being replaced, I don’t know how to say this in a non gross way, but he doesn’t see her as a daughter, and he doesn’t see you as his girlfriend. They are very different roles. I’m concerned you think a partner can replace a child or vice Versa.

Im sure the op knows this. Her concern is obviously the age similarity with her and his current girlfriend.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 22/12/2023 21:57

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/12/2023 21:54

‘Taunts from my friends about his escapades’ was a bit of a giveaway.

I’m wondering how old the friends were to make these comments. I knew friends whose parents acted a bit like this but as far as I know their friends didn’t know or didn’t comment.

GrazingSheep · 22/12/2023 22:00

not doing what’s usual nowadays which is waiting 6 months before introducing a new partner to a child.

What??

girlfriend44 · 22/12/2023 22:00

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 22/12/2023 21:49

And, btw, the age gap is yuk 🤢🤢🤢

Very different circumstances, but my mum has a boyfriend 1 year older than me, and I find it utterly revolting

It's got nothing to do with you, perhaps they find some of your choices yuk.
Love is love and age is just a number.

I don't expect you to understand that though.

Original poster
Kajiit · 22/12/2023 22:13

I can explain the taunting. All of my friends had fairly stable families and a lot of things we take for granted. My father was definitely the odd one out. We also moved a fair bit which didn't help though I don't think this is related to my current predicament.

OP posts:
ReflectiveRogue1001 · 22/12/2023 22:41

girlfriend44 · 22/12/2023 22:00

It's got nothing to do with you, perhaps they find some of your choices yuk.
Love is love and age is just a number.

I don't expect you to understand that though.

Show quote history

He's also a twice convicted criminal, but thanks for your sensitivity

Tropie23 · 23/12/2023 09:31

Crikey OP, I can totally understand why you feel like this. The age gap would gross me out too. Sorry to say but your Dad sounds like a selfish prick.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 23/12/2023 10:40

GrazingSheep · 22/12/2023 22:00

not doing what’s usual nowadays which is waiting 6 months before introducing a new partner to a child.

What??

This is what I’ve heard happen. Isn’t this usual?

Original poster
Kajiit · 23/12/2023 12:14

There are definitely things I am resentful about but he isn’t a bad person and one of the most important people in my life. And sometimes, like now, I feel like I’m not as important to him as he is to me and it hurts. Maybe it’s just in my head though!

OP posts:
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