Just wondering about the variance of acceptability here.
Background: both LC with extended families for different reasons.
Scenario: I don’t get to spend much quality time with OH due to different schedules, full time work plus study. Looking forward to having the weekend together doing nothing but reconnecting and getting some quality time together, which we agreed. Finally!
His sibling contacts him today (they text maybe twice a year) to say they will be in town from today and want to do dinner with them this weekend. So tomorrow, basically.
I’m conflicted. I want him to see his family when he wants to. And this is never an issue when they’ve contacted him in advance. But there will now be a large chunk of our pre-planned time gone. And we have precious little. I’m not going to say anything, and I do get it - the sibling isn’t often in town. But I feel like my time isn’t being respected and it’s a given that I have to just be okay with it. My natural instinct is reactive - make myself less available moving forward. Which I realise is cutting my nose off, but I can’t help but feel like my willingness to prioritise him has also made it appear that I’m just always on standby.
I wish he had received decent notice (his sibling had to buy a plane ticket, after all) because then it would feel reasonable. And while it’s frustrating his sibling didn’t give notice, which unfortunately is common with his family and another family member is particular awful with other people’s time and boundaries, I believe it is his choice to accept the invite knowing that they didn’t give the notice - he didn’t have to. This close makes me feel like he’s ditching plans with me for plans with them.
I am very, very aware that people vary drastically in how they socialise and some are very ‘open house’. It’s easily argued that we weren’t going out or doing anything in particular. But I really needed this ‘us’ time and feel protective over it.
And no, I can’t go with him.
Thoughts?