Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Asked to talk about diversity network at work, then told no

28 replies

nippynoo · 22/12/2023 08:52

I am part of the committee of my workplace diversity network. I’m a lesbian married to a woman, and also come from a minority group (but look white), and grew up poor.

I got an email along with the other committee members asking if we’d volunteer to give a talk to our new graduates on the diversity network. I responded to the email within 10 seconds saying I would do it. It’s a good way to raise my visibility and network.

I get an email back a week later saying someone else on the network had helpfully volunteered so I wouldn’t be needed. I happen to be friends with the women who spoke at the event. She told me she responded a couple of days after the email went out.

So essentially, HR chose someone else. For context the woman they chose to speak is a third generation British-Indian, privately educated then Cambridge, and lives in a multi million pound house in London.

Would you be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Whoopitywhoops · 22/12/2023 08:58

I'm not sure how the privately educated and house bit is relevant.
Presumably it came down to personality/who they thought was best for the presentation rather than her wealth. I doubt her wealth is a factor.

LucyInTheParkWithDragons · 22/12/2023 08:59

I might ask what you can do to be selected in the future. It could be -

  • The people at the talk will mostly work in the other woman’s specialist, so she is more relevant
  • They think you could benefit from some public speaking training before doing this type of thing
  • The other speakers have similar backgrounds to you, so they want diversity within diversity

…and so on. It’s totally legitimate for HR to choose, but knowing the basis of that choice might be helpful for you in the future.

Sammysquiz · 22/12/2023 09:01

But I would want them to be choosing from everyone who replied, rather than the person who replied to the email quickest!

usernother · 22/12/2023 09:03

Presumably they think she'd be better than giving the talk than you. Her house has nothing to do with it.

MabelMaybe · 22/12/2023 09:06

So your gut feeling is that she looked "minority" in a way that you don't, but arguably you represent more minorities than her? What have HR said?

WandaWonder · 22/12/2023 09:11

So she is a minority so can't have a big house?

So according to you this is a tick box exercise and she doesn't tick as many 'boxes' as you? A 'minority' has to fit in to a box to pass the test?

arethereanyleftatall · 22/12/2023 09:17

No

DRS1970 · 22/12/2023 09:18

I thought you were pro diversity, yet you seem to not like diversity when it falls to someone you don't deem ethnic minority enough; or who went to the wrong university; or has the good fortune to live in a nice house. Your version of diversity sounds a little more like discrimination.

Kittythecutest · 22/12/2023 09:24

I wouldn’t have expected them to choose the first person who responded, I think they should wait until they have everyone’s interest before choosing and announcing.

Did the email read that way, like they were taking expressions of interest, or did they make it look more like they were looking for anyone who would like to do it, and would go with the first who responded?

BeeCucumber · 22/12/2023 09:28

No - I wouldn’t be annoyed by this. They chose the best person to do the talk.

SD1978 · 22/12/2023 09:31

I'd be more irritated if it was purely first come first served. They chose who they felt could deliver best, and on this occasion it wasn't you. You also seem a bit bitter than you seem to feel she ticks more 'boxes' than you visually which is why they said yes.....that seems a tad bigoted

Whataretheodds · 22/12/2023 09:34

Is it just one person speaking about the network?

Gotosleepnow2023 · 22/12/2023 09:35

I know where you're coming from and I get why you're annoyed. It feels like they've picked someone over you for the visual aspect and ignored the struggle. I get it and yes I'd be pissed off too.

PincNeon · 22/12/2023 09:40

Depends on how the request for volunteers was worded. I wouldn’t be annoyed if the initial requests for volunteers made clear that they needed one or two presenters and would choose from those that replied. If I’d thought my response meant I’d definitely be speaking and I was then rejected, I’d feel a bit miffed and messed about.

BombaySamphire · 22/12/2023 09:44

Of course HR “chose” which applicant they wanted.
Why wouldn’t they?

Original poster
nippynoo · 22/12/2023 09:50

Yes the wording was “Please could we have one volunteer to…”

OP posts:
Whoopitywhoops · 22/12/2023 09:54

Gotosleepnow2023 · 22/12/2023 09:35

I know where you're coming from and I get why you're annoyed. It feels like they've picked someone over you for the visual aspect and ignored the struggle. I get it and yes I'd be pissed off too.

Wow! It's not diversity top trumps fgs.

InflatableSanta · 22/12/2023 09:54

It's just impossible to say, but on the face of it I don't think HR were unreasonable. If I ask for a volunteer I don't necessarily go with the first to jump either,.I pick for a variety of factors - best for the job, what else they are already doing etc

BombaySamphire · 22/12/2023 09:56

nippynoo · 22/12/2023 09:50

Yes the wording was “Please could we have one volunteer to…”

So you weren’t offered it at all.
They asked for volunteers 🤷🏻‍♀️

NameChangeToday80 · 22/12/2023 10:04

I would expect HR to select the person from the volunteers.

Maybe she was selected because she is more "visually diverse", maybe the intake of grads has a large Asian contingent, and HR presumed that the grads would feel most "seen" being presented to by someone who had visual and (potentially) cultural similarities to them.

Maybe the person who was chosen has skills, experience, or annual goals based on this type of presentation.

Maybe they knew the subject material better.

Who knows? But all in all, I'd expect HR to select the (who they presumed to be) the right person for this specific task.

ChateauDuMont · 22/12/2023 10:07

What has your growing up poor got to do with anything?

You come across as having a massive chip on your shoulder and perhaps when all the emails were in they decided against you and chose a speaker who would give a more balanced talk.

queenofallqueens · 22/12/2023 10:14

You weren't asked to talk, They presumably recieved a selection of volunteers and chose one

What does her house or private education have to do with anything?

PinkFrogss · 22/12/2023 10:24

Picking on a first come first served basis probably wouldn’t be very inclusive!

pickledandpuzzled · 22/12/2023 10:31

I agree you could have experienced more barriers to success and that she clearly has had some privileges you have not.

That may not mean you are the better speaker for this occasion. I agree with POs, ask what they are looking for as you are interested in supporting diversity in the company.

Citrusandginger · 22/12/2023 10:33

Surely the attributes for someone speaking about diversity is an ability
to present well and knowledge of the subject?