Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Wtf am I doing wrong?

23 replies

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 16:52

Potty training. Bane of my life.

We’ve made next to no progress. He will wee if told to sit on the potty but doesn’t volunteer the information, pisses his pants. Try the much loved on here Oh Crap method and might as well call it Oh Crap All Over the Floor. (And piss.)

Where am I going wrong? I know people will say he’s not ready but frankly, I am.

OP posts:

GreyCarpet · 21/12/2023 17:22

How old is he?

It doesn't matter if you are ready or not. If he isn't, it's not going to happen!

YourNameGoesHere · 21/12/2023 17:24

How old is he.

As rubbish as it is unfortunately just because you're ready doesn't mean he is and all you'll end up with is lots of accidents and more stress.

Original poster

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:24

So I just put him in nappies until when? That’s a serious question!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Original poster

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:25

I think that’s what’s driving me nuts, they aren’t accidents. It’s not ‘I need a wee oops left it too late.’ It’s just piss wherever!

OP posts:

YourNameGoesHere · 21/12/2023 17:27

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:24

So I just put him in nappies until when? That’s a serious question!

Just 3?

Yes you put him back into pull ups, give him the opportunity to still use the toilet during the day but it'll stop him just eeeing everywhere. If he's been training for a while and still hasn't made the connections he's not suddenly going to get it. A break back into pull ups until he shows some signs will do you all the world of good.

CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine · 21/12/2023 17:28

With my eldest we used good old fashioned bribery. Went to Tesco and got loads of mini toy dinosaurs from the party bag section, put them in a colourful bag and told him when he could tell us he needed to go (and actually went not just making it up) he could choose something out the bag.

My youngest was a tougher nut to crack and took ages as she was afraid of the potty and toilet but we used one of the reward sticker books and just remained consistent, got there eventually (bribery has never worked on her).

Original poster

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:28

What signs, though? I just feel like a failure as everyone I know with a child the same age has been reliably trained for a while and I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong.

OP posts:

Marshmallow87 · 21/12/2023 17:29

I have the oh crap guide in PDF if you want to take a look?

Orangewall · 21/12/2023 17:30

Is he in nursery/with a childminder? I found ours really helpful for tips when potty training although I ended up doing it with almost 3 DD1 over a closed period (also note that this was the second attempt at potty training.) It sucks though, found it harder than sleep training but if he isn’t ready then you may have to put it on hold for a few more months and try again. I’m assuming youve tried the sticker chart/big boy pants hype etc? Does he prefer the toilet? DD1 hated the potty and was much better on an actual toilet with smaller seat. I’m about to commence with DD2 so you have my sympathies 😅

Original poster

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:30

Unfortunately he doesn’t care about bribery. We’ve been out today and he’s weed on the potty every time I’ve prompted him, no accidents. Come home pees in pants, change of pants, pees again, leave pants off, pisses twice on the floor.

Its hard not to feel frustrated as the potty is THERE!

OP posts:

Original poster

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:31

I’m not confident with oh crap, he’d just piss everywhere. Thanks, though

OP posts:

YourNameGoesHere · 21/12/2023 17:31

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:28

What signs, though? I just feel like a failure as everyone I know with a child the same age has been reliably trained for a while and I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong.

That he can hold it for prolonged periods of time.
That he's aware of when he's having a wee/poo.
That he starts to ask to go to the toilet.

Does he show any of those signs?

Original poster

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:32

Oh totally. He doesn’t ask to go to the toilet but he could, just doesn’t. It’s that which is missing I think as I regularly hear ‘mummy I need a wee!’ when out and about. Not from him.

OP posts:

Avatartar · 21/12/2023 17:38

I read you have to both be ready for it- you and dc. At age 3.5 summer time, I decided to tackle it. One took nappy off a week before my holiday week when I’d planned to do it and announced they did t need nappies anymore! sorted in a few days. Still in nappies at night until about 6. Other one didn’t do that and we took it easy for a couple of weeks. Few accidents, top tip put them in crocs or something, but not leather shoes or they stink of pee and got ruined. You have to really chill with it and it’s so hard. Was about 9 before dry at night. Apparently it’s both a hormone thing and a valve that has to grow so they are aware of peeing in the night and that’s said to be hereditary and it does run in our family. Perhaps forget over Christmas and try again in new year or wait until summer when they are 3.5

Orangewall · 21/12/2023 17:38

You’re not a failure! It’s a hard one but you’ll get there! My DD1 was the last one potty trained out of all her peers but looking back now she was more ready for it and more reliable afterward with far fewer unexpected accidents. I’d give it a break for now over Christmas and start fresh in the new year, he may surprise you in January and be ready for the potty after a few weeks off.

zeibesaffron · 21/12/2023 17:38

my son was nearly 4 - my daughter was 19 months- its child led snd specific - he just isn’t ready

Original poster

Undertheladder · 21/12/2023 17:46

I honestly think he’s as ready as he will ever be

OP posts:

Silverfoxlady · 21/12/2023 18:02

I don’t know if this helps but in some nursery settings I have worked for they recommended using a timer and pants so that it is obvious they have had an accident (they feel ‘wet’). If they are unable to ‘feel’ the wee is coming then we set a timer, first every 20/30 minutes, then extend the length of time before they need to go. Eventually the timer went off every hour / hour and a half, and by then they usually start to ‘feel full’ and take themselves. It is very much an uphill challenge though, and children get a little annoyed having to go, but it worked.

For more independent children, at 4 they are mostly able to change themselves, and that takes away from playing and gets pretty annoying for them, I find they have less accidents when they realise they have to change themselves too.

I myself tried the ‘summer with no pants’ idea, which worked wonders with my daughters when they were little, but the boys were a complete nightmare. Wee and poo everywhere!

GreyCarpet · 21/12/2023 19:45

If he isn't telling ypu he needs a wee, it's because he isn't aware of the sensation of needing a wee.

It means nothing that sometimes he wees when you sit him on the potty - that's just a coincidence.

Original poster

Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 16:22

I think just sack it off. He’ll just have to go to school in nappies. If he’s bullied it’s his own fault frankly. I’ve had enough.

OP posts:

LittleRedY0shi · 22/12/2023 16:30

I've got 3 kids out the other side of potty training and the conclusion I've come to is that technique, timing, parents efforts in general, actually have very little to do with it. My advice is to just keep the potty available to him (in the corner of the bathroom or something), make sure he understands what it's for and remind him every so often (by which I mean every couple of weeks) that he's welcome to use it if he wants. At some point, he'll decide for himself that he wants to do it instead of wearing nappies.

Original poster

Undertheladder · 22/12/2023 16:33

I honestly don’t think he will. Or if he does, it’ll be when he’s way too old. Sorry for that outburst by the way, I’m really frustrated with it as you can probably tell. But I do have to sort of force his hand a bit here otherwise it’s just going to get embarrassing.

OP posts:

kimchio · 22/12/2023 17:36

You're getting there. Just have to keep going. Have you tried those training pants instead of nappies.

I'm still struggling with my 3 year old and poos. Took a good couple of months with the wees

Flip