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Original poster

Young love.. or not

16 replies

Eggybready · 20/12/2023 18:53

I have a son whos 15 and he has a girlfriend also 15.. been together for around a year
He bought her a lovely gift for her birthday in the summer (wasnt expensive but thoughtful) On his birthday she didn't get him anything, not even a card which i thought a bit unfair but i didnt say anything as he said he didnt mind as maybe she just forgot.
Now we are nearly at Christmas and hes got her some small gifts which she will love. Hes taken the time to ask some sneaky questions bless him and he gave them to her today
He came home earlier and seemed a bit upset and turns out no mention of a gift for him or a card
Now i know you dont give to receive and he agrees with this but he is a bit fed up and I think that the "relationship" may have run it's course and its all a bit one sided. First time love and im first time dealing with a potential break up for him
Send wine!!

OP posts:
Northernsouloldies · 20/12/2023 18:58

If she was as loved up as your son is, she would have got him something. Be prepared for him to have his heart stomped on.

Original poster
Eggybready · 20/12/2023 18:59

Oh i agree... and i think he knows too

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2023 19:04

Oh the poor soul. Might be worth having a chat with him about how people I our life should make us feel safe, seen and understood. That if they are cold, they probably aren't the sort to keep around. That men and women can be this way, its not a gendered thing but we have to know when people just aren't capable of being what we need them to be for us. Nog to stay and try and change them or become bitter as a result. Just to let them go, know our worth and look for a more suitable companion.

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Northernsouloldies · 20/12/2023 19:08

Remember my first break up at that age, over 40yr ago and it stung. He will come through it.

Original poster
Eggybready · 20/12/2023 19:16

Hes such a sweet soul and is so thoughful. I think that just a nice card would be enough for him but i doubt anything will arrive
Its hard to not go into momma bear mode so im trying to be casual!
Ive just said that maybe less effort on his part is needed moving forwards

OP posts:
Original poster
Eggybready · 20/12/2023 19:17

Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2023 19:04

Oh the poor soul. Might be worth having a chat with him about how people I our life should make us feel safe, seen and understood. That if they are cold, they probably aren't the sort to keep around. That men and women can be this way, its not a gendered thing but we have to know when people just aren't capable of being what we need them to be for us. Nog to stay and try and change them or become bitter as a result. Just to let them go, know our worth and look for a more suitable companion.

This is something we talk about but i wonder if hes a bit blinded by his feelings
Poor bugger

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2023 19:20

I don't think I'd tell him to make less effort.

Just because someone else is a crap human being, it shouldn't make us lower our own personal standards or kindnesses.

You don't want him going on to date a nice girl and thinking he should make less effort eith her do you?

The solution isn't to be a worse partner.
It's to choose a better partner for himself.

Original poster
Eggybready · 20/12/2023 19:24

Yeah.. i was just a bit cross on his behalf
He actually said that he would always just be generous as that's who he is
He needs someone who is as kind as he is

OP posts:
GigiAnnna · 20/12/2023 19:24

A 15 year old might not have any money. At that age she won't have an income and would be relying on parents to give her the money to buy gifts and they might not want to or might not be able to afford it. It could be that she's not as interested as he is and that's OK. They are 15, new to relationships and learning.

Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2023 19:25

Basically you have to be very careful that he doesn't apart equating this girls bad behaviour to an 'all women' thing. Or start to treat other women badly as a result of this relationship.

So telling him to make less effort is probably not a good idea. Ita good that he's a nice soul. The world needs more men like that. But the trick is for him to grow up knowing self worth. Not to grow up being shit because some people are shit, but to remove shit people from his life and choose to surround himself with people who match his level of moral fibre.

Which is trial and error in youth tbf.

Laiste · 20/12/2023 19:35

Either way around (girl making effort/boy making effort) i'd tell the making the effort one that if they were happy doing it then that's all fine, but perhaps the relationship might be a bit onesided and to guard their heart.

Keep it simple.
Be ready for it to go tits up.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 20/12/2023 19:39

GigiAnnna · 20/12/2023 19:24

A 15 year old might not have any money. At that age she won't have an income and would be relying on parents to give her the money to buy gifts and they might not want to or might not be able to afford it. It could be that she's not as interested as he is and that's OK. They are 15, new to relationships and learning.

I'd have thought he would have known if she was just too cash-poor to buy him a present. She could have said 'I'd love to buy you something but I have no money', made him a Christmas card or a little cake or anything else thoughtful, and I bet he would have loved it.
I suspect he knows what she's like and it's beginning to get him down.

Hubblebubble · 20/12/2023 19:59

Kids aren't able to get saturday jobs and paper rounds like they used to. Maybe she doesn't get any pocket money.

Original poster
Eggybready · 20/12/2023 19:59

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 20/12/2023 19:39

I'd have thought he would have known if she was just too cash-poor to buy him a present. She could have said 'I'd love to buy you something but I have no money', made him a Christmas card or a little cake or anything else thoughtful, and I bet he would have loved it.
I suspect he knows what she's like and it's beginning to get him down.

Show quote history

I agree..
And he doesnt care about what he gets. A handmade card or picture would be enough for him
Will be ready with the hugs when he needs them

OP posts:
Chellybelle · 20/12/2023 20:06

They're just kids. Relationships fizzle out. He'll be hurt when it ends but he'll get over it. You can support him in that but part of that is not taking it too seriously.

Pinkbonbon · 20/12/2023 20:56

To be fair though regarding 'they're just kids' - first broken hearts often hurt the most.

I still feel palpable pain regarding my early heartbreaks. I get over any of my adult ones relatively quickly.

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