So tired and struggling to entertain a 13 year old with suspected adhd

[elliejjtiny]

Ds3 is 13 and on the very long waiting list to be seen for an adhd assessment. Last time we chased it up he had 2 years left to go before seeing someone. He won't sleep unless he has been properly worn out the day before. I am struggling to find things to do with him and I am exhausted from not sleeping which makes me less inclined to sit on a freezing cold bench and be glared at by parents of toddlers because their little ones have to wait a few minutes while my teenager goes on the roundabout at high speed. We have a trampoline and small climbing frame in the garden but he gets bored of that after 1/2 an hour. We are hoping to spend a small fortune on upgrading the climbing frame to something more suitable for teens/adults but we haven't saved the full amount yet, hopefully by spring. He loves ninja warrior, flip out etc and at least there it's warm but it costs nearly £15 for an hour and if it's not one of their rare sen sessions I have to pay full price for me to stand and supervise him. Also an hour isn't enough to wear him out. Any ideas? I normally manage to get a couple of hours extra sleep while he is at school but that's not happening at the moment so I'm struggling along on 5 hours sleep a night.

Does your council offer short breaks funding? Ask them. We get a budget to spend every year on activities etc. Also look into dla if you’re not already claiming this as it will also help to cover some costs. Obviously I know that doesn’t solve everything (!) - mum of an 11 year old with complex autism here - but worth looking into.

Could he go to the gym? Our council ones let teens use them at a very reasonable rate. I sympathise, dd16 has adhd and doesn’t sleep, but hers is more because her brain is constantly buzzing, and her need to move can be met through keeping her hands busy and fidgeting (and talking, oh the endless talking…) I’m not sure how we’d manage if she needed constant physical exertion.

One thing we did find helpful was speaking to an OT to get some ideas to meet her sensory needs though. Is that possible in the medium to long term, whilst you’re waiting for assessment?

No real advice OP but I sympathise because my 5 year old dd is the same although she hasn’t been assessed for adhd (too young) she is autistic. She also loves to spin, we have something called a whizzy dizzy which is brilliant for indoor use and she spends a lot of time on it. One suggestion her OT made was to get a sensory swing which we have got for Christmas. They suspect dd is constantly on the go because she is in a cycle of fight or flight - becomes overstimulated so is moving to try and regulate herself and the cycle repeats. When using the sensory swing at occupational therapy she is so quiet and relaxed because is hugs around the pressure points in her back. Is it possible something like this may work for your Ds? My only other suggestion is melatonin, you can order some supplements online, they usually come as gummies!

Not sure why my post has been hidden! 🙈

Mine gets her energy out by dancing

Is he sporty? Maybe he needs to be in an organised sport(s). At least you would have a warmish club house to sit in. If trampolining is his thing, could he take up actual sports trampolining?

He's old enough to use the cardio machines in some gyms. Sign him up and let him run it off on a treadmill?

It maybe a link you put in it.

is there a reason why he is keeping you up at night at the age of 13? I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child but I didn't keep my parents awake at night

Maybe because not every person with ADHD is the same?

While my DP could self soothe/entertain himself his sibling couldn't.

yes obviously not everyone is the same but I'm wondering how he's keeping her up at night as that might help come up with some suggestions - e.g. if he's complaining that he can't sleep or if he's waking up repeatedly and then waking her up

Why not see if there is a boxing gym close by that can offer classes. I am suggesting boxing, not because I think it is the most appropriate sport, but because there are so many boxing related and focussed physical activities that he can do on his own at home , eg a run, skipping, shadow boxing, punchbag work ( obviously you need a punchbag for this!)

This is a really good suggestion.

I feel so sorry for you that the wait is so long to be seen :(. Sleep problems are so typical in ADHD and even worsen in the teenage years. Although I know wearing him out might work, as you're finding, it's sometimes impossible to keep it up!

I don't know how it works with GPs and the NHS but do you think they might be able to prescribe melatonin or can you buy it in the UK?

I found running was very good for me. It was cheap and I could do it on my own. If he's good at sport, he might find it useful to set himself targets and plan routes etc.

Wearing a sleep mask can help cut out all the light stimulus and if you're in a noisy area, ear plugs can help.

The other thing they might try and teach him when he gets referred is how to calm himself down - so slow breathing and yoga type activities 0 and this really helps with sleep. It might not be the sort of thing a 13 year old would enjoy now but if there's anything like that that's available to him, even online, it's such a good thing to learn and will help him when he's older too.

I agree re melatonin.
Maybe look at magnesium or b6 (depending on safety etc)
He needs to be letting you sleep. If hes incapable of that you need to push harder for referral. As you cant work/drive etc etc

You can also try swimming.
Long walks. Cycling.
Turkey has something in it which can make you sleepy how is he on xmas day?

Is he on devices till late as the blue light can be issue.

Reading a really boring book.

Exercise bike or cross trainer in the corner of the living room so he can pelt away on it while watching TV or something? I think you can get bikes that fold up. At least sports kit like that should be on sale in Jan, all those NY resolutions!

I second the suggestion of exercise equipment at home. Also look at something like a Southpaw kit or gorilla gym for home that you can attach to the doorway.

Do you get DLA for DS? If so, ask about a free carer’s ticket at places you take him to.

Have you tried fitness videos? The kind he can copy along with. Sort of do 20 burpees, now 20 sit ups etc?

This might not go down well but at 13 my DS with ADHD was having quite a lot of screen time. It had to be limited because there was a tipping point after which he would start obsessing over screen time constantly and not wanting to do anything else, but we definitely made full use of it up to that point!

I would ask your Ninja Warrior place about a discount/season ticket so you don't have to pay for your own entrance, due to his disability.

Agree that home gym equipment is much cheaper than specialist adult sized climbing frames, and might be more accessible quickly. Decathlon have good prices.

You could look at sensory input as well - sounds like he might be seeking proprioception or vestibular input:

https://www.occuplaytional.com/2023/12/04/a-proprioception-primer/

https://theotbutterfly.com/vestibular-input/sensory-processing/

Thank you everyone. The landlord won't let us have anything hanging off the door frame (wouldn't even let us have one of those baby door bouncer things) or attached to the ceiling but I will definitely look into an exercise bike. We borrowed a rowing machine for a few weeks but he lost interest. I'll ask at the gym too. We've got a whizzy dizzy that he and his brother use a lot. I am in the middle of a dla application for him, I really must finish that. I rang the number to chase up his referral but was told everyone is desperate, the waiting list is even longer in the next county. The GP won't prescribe melatonin, I've asked multiple times but she says she doesn't feel comfortable prescribing it because he hasn't seen a consultant or got a diagnosis. He keeps me awake for lots of reasons, partly because I am trying desperately for him to be quiet so he doesn't wake up the rest of the house and partly because I can't sleep if I know he is wandering about unsupervised. Sometimes he will wake his brother up too and then it's a complete nightmare getting them up in the morning.

You could request a referral to a sleep clinic. There will still be a waiting list but it might not be as long as the waiting list for assessment.

Is it an assessment team you are waiting to see, not a paediatrician? I ask because DS2 had melatonin prescribed by a paediatrician while we were waiting on his assessment. He was then diagnosed autistic age 5, and at 9 has just been diagnosed with ADHD. His paediatrician has handled the melatonin side of things, but now he is under CAMHS umbrella for ADHD, they will take over management of melatonin. GPS will not prescribe it, they will only give repeat prescriptions under consultant/CAMHS direction.
if your DS isn’t under consultant care, ask the gp for a paediatrician referral. Hopefully their waiting lists are shorter!

I have a ds with adhd and sport and gaming have been big life savers over the years.

Football is a relatively cheap sport although sadly you still end up sitting in the cold although by 13 you don't need to stay for the training sessions.

Swimming - can he swim? At least then you can guarantee a warm seat or sit in the cafe while he gets his energy out plus lots of leisure places near us do pretty cheap junior swim memberships.

Can he cycle to different places- send him the shop to get bits and bobs you need? Just needs cash and a bike lock. Another free activity.

Gaming is great for kids with adhd (well maybe not all) but because it means movement and a bit of noise, I don't know the technical language behind it all but I know it suits my ds.

As for night time does he have a tablet? Can he not just stick some headphones on and watch something if he can't sleep so at least you can.
You have to sleep to function, I know my teen ds can definitely survive on less sleep than the rest of us. I don't even mind him gaming after I go to bed as long he doesn't speak on the mic.

We have a local theme park place for younger kids but with a soft play barn that is huge and suits older kids. We have season tickets discounted through sales. We only go for the barn. I’ve been known to go three or four times in school holiday weeks.

Also an indoor rebounder (mini trampoline). Hoovering also helps DS. I have to bribe him to do but the weight of the Hoover and pushing/pulling helps.

also indoor basketball hoop and soft ball for football target practice in a room with no breakables!