Tips for surviving Xmas with FIL.

[RaisingTheBets]

My FIL is coming to stay for Christmas and NY.

Can anyone give me any tips on surviving these next few weeks?

He's very much like a small child whereas he doesn't think for himself, likes to have everything done for him ( food and drinks served ) and is happy to sit around and do nothing.

His hygiene is not good, he leaves the toilet seat up and pees on the rim.

My anxiety is rising as we are nearing the time and it's really making me not look forward to Christmas and we have children 🙁

Assign your DH the job of looking after his father.

You concentrate on the kids.

Divide and conquer.

I agree that this is your husband's problem to deal with. He can tell him to clean up after himself and make an effort to help out.

Wipes in the toilet with an appropriate sign
plenty of nibbles and good tv
Easy fun, old fashioned games regularly
Keep up an entertaining discussion about things he is interested in- google quickly beforehand.
Throw in amusing or happy memories from time to time.
Tell him he must listen to your wonderful new (whatever type of music) choose something you know he likes, put the music on and go have a sneaky glass if wine as he relaxes.
I would get him out for daily walks too.

I'm going to sound like a fool but my BIL is the same and I try and concentrate on the fact that he's good humoured, loves our kids. And amuse myself by wondering when he'll make me a cup of tea - will it be day 1? 2? 3?
To be fair he only stays a day or two

This is the thing, he wouldn't tell his DF to tidy up or get himself together, the place will be a mess and I feel like it will be just left to me to run about trying to clean up.

Like father, like son?

Sounds like your problem is your husband.

In that case, assign childcare to your DH and his father and you concentrate on the other stuff.

If they won't do that either then use the time you're scrubbing your FIL's piss off your toilet to think about changes you might want to make in the New Year.

As pp mentioned, your dh needs to
cleanup after him if he won’t do it himself.
The most important thing is to preserve everyone’s happiness at Christmas, including your own. Seems there’s not much you can do to change his behaviour so is it possible to modify your reaction to it so you don’t get really annoyed by it when he’s there? Tell yourself at least it’s only a few days, you’re doing a kind thing, at least he’s not in there haranguing you over something, etc.
I feel conflicted about this since I don’t think it should be your job to be flexing to accommodate his bad behaviour as a guest but equally, it’s Christmas, you’re kind of stuck with him and his behaviour is unlikely to change. Also worth telling your DH you would like extra appreciation for putting up with it!
Good luck xx

@NuffSaidSam when he normally visits I tend to take a step back, spend time by myself or arrange to see friends and escape but because it's Christmas, people are busy, spending time with their own families. I'm just feeling trapped this time around.

I'd leave a note by the toilet, 'please remember to clean accidents - wipes here'.

It might be that you just give him food and drinks if you're having them, but if he asks for anything, like coffee, another glass of wine at table, wants a biscuits, I'd say, 'we're family, you're welcome to just go and help yourself'.