As the title asks, have you ever hated your dc? My mother hates me and I don't know why.
My mother hates me. I don't know why. She had a lot of children, I was her fourth. My grandmother cared for me for most of my childhood because my mother couldn't, she was too 'busy' (too ill I guess?). My grandmother was wonderful, she was unable to care for me from when I was 13, she had dementia. I went home to my mother. She took drugs, all day, every day. So did her partner, they drank a lot too. My other siblings took a lot of drugs in our home, apart from my little DSis. I did everything I could to look after her. I went into care when I was 15 because my older Dsis husband kept on making sexual advances towards me. I told someone at school. SS got me out and into a flat, they paid my rent and supported me until I was 16, my mother knew what happened but chose to side with him because he supplied her drugs.. My DF had split up with my mother and gone abroad when I was 12.
I always wanted my mother to love me. I worked hard, tried hard and would always visit her to report how well I was doing. At the time, all I wanted was for her to ask me to come home. She didn't. Until I was was 16, working two jobs and agreed to pay her £100 a week. I tried to maintain college, but I couldn't because of how much I needed to work. I also had to care for my sister and look after my mother's home because she had taken too many drugs too be able to do it herself.
I know that this post is too long for people to want or care about reading. If you have made it this far and you are bored by my story, please do skip to the end or hit the backward arror. I am sorry for wasting your time. For anyone that has the time. I'm going to talk a little bit more about my story and hope that either talking about it makes me feel better or your responses make me feel better. I don't mind which. I just want to feel better.
After going into care at 15, I was abused, alot. At one point my mother encouraged my 'relationship' with a man who was 56 when I was 16, because he was a 'big player' who could get her drugs for cheaper. Him giving me a loaded shotgun and asking me to 'dare to die' was funny, I thought it was funny. When he forced me to put the loaded gun to my head, I wet myself. Then he gave me so much alcohol that I couldn't move, and raped me, multiple times. When I talked to my mother about what had happened, she told me I was 'lucky' that he cared.
I moved away after a while, I drank a lot but managed to keep down a job. I regularly drank too much and allowed myself to be abused and/or raped. It's happened so may times I didn't even know the difference between sex and rape. Contact with my mother was minimal, unless she needed money. I would often send her what I could, when she asked.
After a few years I got pregnant by a drug dealer in my mother's local area, I met him when I went to visit. We moved in together and very quickly he became very abusive. I left when my DC was born. My ex moved in with my mother when my DC was born, she wanted drugs and to 'look after him'. I went NC with my mother for 4 years. My ex became increasingly abusive, he tried to kill me and and eventually I managed to get an injunction against him (non-molestation and non-occupation order). Eventually I moved away.
I moved to the other side of the country. I got a degree and qualified to be a solicitor. It was hard, single mum on my own but I did it. My mother moved to my area, she 'promised' she'd changed. I gave her the benefit of the doubt. She would visit my DS as long as she was paid expenses. Expeneses increased with every visit. She didn't contact him at all during Covid, I asked her why. At this point he had bonded with her and missed her. She ignored my calls. She wan't getting paid, so whe wasn't intrerested.
She then ghosted me and ghosted my DC. When he was old enough he travelled to her house to see her, he wanted to know why she had disppeared. She welcomed him and was loving, apparently "mum had a problem". that's why she hasn't seen him. He told me that she was openly smoking weed and offered him to smoke a joint. He said no thanks. He left but exchanged a few texts since.
Today my DC had behaved badly. I banned his wifi. He left the our in a huff and calmed my DM to ask if he could visit. She called me multiple times. She left a voicemail, she told me she hated me, that she never wanted to see or speak to me or DC again, he is 'my problem' not hers and to never contact her again.
I have been very successful in my career, built a good life for me and my DC, but I'm always battling with how much my own mother hates me. Can you ever recover from that? If so, please tell me how.