Feeling alone and exhausted

[feelingabsolutelycrap]

Tested positive for covid19 this morning. Means I can’t see my mum over Christmas. She’s in a bloody care home with young onset dementia. I’m absolutely gutted, have had a fever of 39 all day despite cocodamol and bloody miserable.

My dad’s 10 mins drive away and I rang him and explained I’m pretty much stuck in bed, haven’t got anyone else at home and struggling.

He was on the phone for less than 5 minutes.

I’m so, so tired. Didn’t sleep last night due to feeling ill, been rigoring with fever tonight and coughing, sick etc.

Flatmates are all away home for Christmas, best friends are a good hour away and one’s also pregnant - so we won’t be meeting up understandably.

I was meant to see my CPN this afternoon (complex ptsd due to my parents’ situations) and that had to be cancelled, I’ve only got one session left with her now before I get passed onto someone new so I’m gutted I’ve not got to see her either. She did phone and said I can email or ring the office if I need anything until Friday, but that’s not the same as seeing her.

It feels so stupid to be lying in bed crying!

Mum won’t know that I’m not there to see her but it still hurts. My sister and I have both gone to a big effort to get her gifts this year that we thought would suit and it hurts that I can’t give them to her myself even though I know why I can’t. I feel guilty as I said to my CPN a couple of weeks ago that I’m scared of seeing her as I know she will have deteriorated, now I’m scared that I should never have said that.

Really sorry you're feeling so crappy. Just wanted to say that covid may only last a couple of days. I had it in September over a weekend. By the time Monday came around I. Was testing negative and feeling fine.

Oh what a shame. Could the official Christmas visit to see her be changed, especially if she won't really know what day it actually is? You did nothing wrong saying that to your CPN and it did not invite this situation, its just one of those things. And at least you're ill beforehand and can know you won't pass it on to her.

How do you know that? I know a lot of people who have tested positive for Covid over the last couple of months. As most have had a booster, they have not been very ill but they have still isolated themselves until they have a clear test.

Anyway, even if it is flu rather than Covid, people should not be visiting vulnerable residents in care homes.

Awe bless you. Sending you a hug, and I hope you feel better soon. We have COVID in the house too at the moment.

Pay no attention to @PeacefulPottering
They're just being nasty.

Glad to see the NiteWotcha has deleted those posts.

@PeacefulPottering you sound like someone who doesn’t understand much but fyi flu can be extremely serious too. You should definitely not see vulnerable people when you’re ill. Being in the festive season doesn’t mean you should lose your senses.

Thankfully I crashed out at 2am so haven’t seen their posts. There’s absolutely no way I’m going to see mum, I could quite literally kill her with this.

GP has prescribed steroids and antibiotics, but hoping it’ll go in the next few days. Fever of 39 most of last night and hallucinating, but it’s settled a bit now.

Yes going to try and change Christmas re mum, I’ll go back up in a couple of weeks and give her a cuddle then.

I think that's a good idea, OP. Hope you feel better soon.

I'm very glad you got some sleep.

Thank you. My uni support worker rang me at 1.30 and told me to get out of bed which helped a bit (ex ITU nurse) and I’m now showered, eaten a sandwich and feeling a bit more human. Thank God, last night was hell.

How are you today, @feelingabsolutelycrap ?

Hope you are ok op, i really feel for you

Struggling. I’ve no idea how I’m going to make it home on Saturday as can hardly get from one room to the other today. Managed to make some toast and eat two yoghurts, and trying to drink as think I’m dehydrated.

Not allowed to go to pharmacy for meds - pharmacy said can’t let me in - so uni said they’ll see if someone can go for me and drop off at my door before 6.

Dehydration will make a huge difference so really try to drink. It's absolutely rotten being ill by yourself, hang in there.

Thank you, I’ve managed a litre of water. Got horrendous diarrhea now and dizziness with it. I’ve got to pack case for 10 days tomorrow or I’m totally alone for Christmas, how the hell I’m going to do that I’ve no idea.

Is there nobody who can come and get you?

If you have diarrhoea you need to focus on fluids even more. You poor thing, you sound really ill. What's your temp now? To be honest you don't sound fit to travel or to be around others, can you not delay a few days?

My dad’s 5 miles away but when I rang earlier said he was busy/out, and didn’t ring back. Only other nearby family are away til after new year now. Temperature’s down. GP and CMHT are saying travel should be OK as long as I sit as far away from others as possible, wear a mask, hand gel etc - symptoms started about 7-10 days ago but were very vague to begin with. I’m absolutely drained. Thinking upset stomach was diet, because I’ve only eaten toast all week then had chips tonight probably didn’t help. Have just had hot lemon/ginger and honey and cocodamol, going to try sleep. See how things are tomorrow. Uni said they could in theory go to chemist for me in the morning if no better.