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Original poster

For those We Are Missing This Christmas

35 replies

Openmouthinsertfood · 19/12/2023 18:34

I love Christmas and this section on MN. It's why I joined the site a few years ago. I love the attitude of kindness on this part of the site. However, Christmas this year, and everyone after, is going to be very different for me. Very, very sadly my mum passed away on the 9th December. She loved Christmas too. I don't know how the day is going to go/how I'll feel, but I just wanted to acknowledge her in some way. I thought that this thread could be for all those missing a loved one this Christmas. Be that through bereavement or distance.
I hope this thread doesn't bring anyone down. I just thought others might need to reach out, like me, and just give at least a nod to those not with us.
I hope you have a calm day, probably tears, but hopefully some good bits too. x

OP posts:
Falalalalaa · 19/12/2023 18:36

I am very sorry for the loss of your mum OP.

I’ll be remembering my brother this Christmas, and missing him as always. It doesn’t get easier.

Raising a glass to lost love ones and sending gentle hugs to those grieving Wine

Trinity69 · 19/12/2023 18:40

Sorry for your loss.
Christmas in particular always reminds me of and makes me miss my Nan. She passed away early December 2016 and her funeral was just before Christmas. It hasn’t been the same since she went. We used to all go to my Mum and Dads and there’d be 14-18 of us, my parents, my Mums siblings, my Nan cousins, the works. Now, nobody can be bothered. She was very clearly the glue that held the family together and without her we’ve all stopped bothering.
My Mum also got diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers last year so Christmas is just not the same. She’s said she’s fine to host (nobody else has a house big enough), provided everything is done by others, which is fine. We can prep and cook but there will only be 8 of us and Mum is already saying if it’s noisy she’ll just go to her bedroom.

shellyleppard · 19/12/2023 18:42

Op I'm sorry for your loss. Second Christmas without my mum, but we will raise a glass at Christmas dinner to her. And all the ones we have lost x

merryandbrightdelight · 19/12/2023 18:45

Ah I am so sorry for your loss, and for the losses of others on this thread too Flowers over the years I've lost my Nana on 27th Dec, Gran on 28th and Grandad on 18th Jan. I remember cancelling Christmas the year my Gran passed away and taking the tree down that day.

I celebrate my Grandparents now by putting their tree ornaments on our little hallway tree - I used to decorate their tree with them every year (even as an adult!) so I made sure I got their decorations, and now my DDs help me to put them on the tree, which has continued the tradition ❤️

Original poster
Openmouthinsertfood · 19/12/2023 18:53

Thank you all so much and I am sorry for your losses too. 😢
Mum had ordered some mocktails in November and before she died she said she wanted the pink gin poured for her on Christmas day. So she is having an umbrella, cherries, stirrer, the lot! We will raise a glass to her for sure.

OP posts:
Sorrynotsore · 19/12/2023 18:54

Thanks for thread it's lovely. I'm so sorry for your loss and to anyone dealing with grief. I miss my grandma a lot who died just over 2 years ago, I was with her when she died and it's was hard. She loved Christmas and always wrapped presents beautifully. I so think of her when I'm exhausted with wrapping!

My grandad and her have a wedding anniversary close to Christmas so it's hard for him too. I know she'd want us to have a lovely time. I do try and appreciate it as a close bereavement makes you realise what you have and how short life is.

Take care op and all missing loved ones.

DyslexicPoster · 19/12/2023 18:58

My mum.died in May. No one mentions it so I fell like I'm expected to be very over it by now. Unfortunately that's not how things work.

I'm sorry for your loss too. Death near Christmas is even harder.

Cwtshcwtsh · 19/12/2023 19:10

I lost my dad three weeks ago. We had a difficult relationship and I have a lot to process. I have two young children so I’m focusing on giving them a magical Christmas as that’s the best legacy I can take from it but for myself I’d just value some peace and time to think. Love to everyone else missing loved ones.

Knackeredhamster · 19/12/2023 19:11

I'm very sorry for your loss so close to Christmas

It's a hard time. I hope you get on ok.

If you're interested I started a thread in bereavement a few days ago as it's my first Christmas without my mum too.

Lots of lovely people posted. Xx

mambojambodothetango · 19/12/2023 19:21

Sorry for your loss OP. My Dad died 4 years ago this month and my Mum last autumn. It's hard especially at Christmas but I take enormous strength from all that my parents gave me, everything they taught me; and i know they'd be delighted to know we're all happy and healthy and having a good time. You can't bring them back but you can feel their presence, not in a woo way, but in yourself and how they shaped you. I hope that helps a little bit.

Ihopeithinkiknow · 19/12/2023 19:37

I lost my 22 year old son last May and the first Christmas without him didn’t even feel like Christmas for me and my 13 year old daughter but this year feels a bit better for us even though we miss him desperately we focus on our memories now and every time we just end up howling with laughter remembering how much joy he brought to our lives every day when he was here. Sending love to everyone who has lost someone because it’s just shit and there are no other words really

tinselvestsparklepants · 19/12/2023 19:42

The only family tradition we have is a toast on Christmas Day to 'Absent Friends'. I like this way of remembering people who can't be there, for whatever reason. Is this something you could bring into your day?

minmooch · 19/12/2023 20:17

My beautiful son, forever 18. This will be the tenth Christmas without him. 9 years without my Mum and the second without my Dad.

I fake Christmas until 27th when I always crash.

It's hard bringing my son into the day without making others feel guilty.

Love to all those missing precious loved ones.

yumyum33 · 19/12/2023 20:20

OP, I am so sorry for your loss. To me the loss of a mum is far greater than anyone else. I truly do sympathise and hope that one day soon the sorrow will be softened by beginning to remember some of the very special times you shared together.

My mum died Christmas Day 22 years ago and to say Christmas has never been the same since is no exaggeration. Mothers are so special and I feel one only realises it when they are no longer here with us.

All the very best to you.

keffie12 · 19/12/2023 20:21

My mom passed away on Dec 15th, 2010, so it's a while now for me.

I unexpectedly lost my husband 5 years ago, so losing him changed how I was over mom.

I love my mom. I don't miss her anymore. That changed when my husband passed.

Grief is forever, though it changes shape. Christmas is difficult without him. I try and count my blessings as I have an amazing family and fellowship around me.

I'm not lonely. Just for my husband. Love and grief have had to make friends over the years.

I have my own traditions and ways of dealing. The tsunami can still hit, though.

Thank you for starting this thread. I think it's a lovely idea. Death is the only guarantee we have in life. It needs to be talked about more than it is. It's a natural process of life.

I'm alert for your loss. The firsts are always hard and unnerving as you don't know what to expect.

Taking it ODAAT (One Day At A Time) one moment, plenty of self selfcare and acknowledging your own feelings is so important.

Don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. There is no road map. You find out as you go along.

Happy Christmas all. Do it how it's right for you.

keffie12 · 19/12/2023 20:22

I'm sorry for your loss - not alert for your loss re my last post

bellsandwhistles333 · 19/12/2023 20:26

Second Christmas without my parents who both passed away in 2021. Really hard but keeping going for my son and trying to make the memories I know they would want me too 🌹

Tlolljs · 19/12/2023 20:27

My dad died on the 14th of December 1993. 30 years now don’t know where that time has gone. My mum died last January 6th so first one without her. Teared up in the card shop, not buying one with mum on it.
But I have 4 great kids 4 great in-laws and 7 grandchildren. Keep on enjoying Christmas for them. Best wishes everyone.

wombatsmum · 19/12/2023 20:27

So sorry for everyone’s losses and thank you for starting this thread.

I will be spending this Christmas missing my husband who passed away out of the blue on a flight 8 weeks ago. It’s going to be really tough for our 13 DS and 10 year old DD who are determined to celebrate in the way he would have as he loved Christmas.

Knackeredhamster · 19/12/2023 20:58

@wombatsmum

Oh my dear lady I'm so sorry.

Many many hugs to you and your children.

BCBird · 19/12/2023 21:01

Sorry to all.of you for your losses. I'll be remembering my partner who died two years ago. Hand hold to u all.

UpUpUpU · 19/12/2023 21:02

I’m so sorry for all your losses. Tomorrow is my mums cremation after she died 2 weeks ago. I feel sick to my stomach and I’m absolutely dreading in. It’s first thing so at least it can be out the way. No idea how Christmas Day will pan out. There will be an empty chair at the table :(

Wolvesart · 19/12/2023 21:05

OP and contributors here, sorry for your losses. I lost my Mum last year, my Dad this year and my sibling 5 years ago. I still love Christmas, but think of them all a lot over this festive season.

lollipoprainbow · 19/12/2023 21:32

Always remember my lovely sister and mum who adored Christmas and who really made it special. I have photos of them on the Christmas tree but I'd much prefer them both on my sofa giggling and gossiping over a gin and tonic ❤️

PianPianPiano · 19/12/2023 21:33

Sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum over 10 years ago now, also in early December. She loved Christmas and the first year was hard because it felt so different, her presence so notably missing, and I struggled trying to replicate her version of Christmas for my Dad and siblings, which of course I couldn't really do.
I feel able to properly love Christmas again now that time has passed, and go all out to make Christmas as special for my children as she did for me. A lot of my Christmas is surrounded by memories of her - her recipes, her favourite baubles on our tree, some of the traditions she introduced. But we do some of our own things now too. She is greatly missed, but also very much part of our Christmas.

Sending you love and hugs x