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Original poster

Would you be happy with this Christmas gift?

14 replies

allpallyloo · 19/12/2023 17:35

My good friend always goes overboard with the gifts
Last year she spent over £100 and I just can't match it.
This year I've bought her a handbag from TK maxx a beauty storage holder and a bracelet and fluffy socks
Spent around £55
I always have the fear of her feeling disappointed
Would this be okay for you?
Debating buying her a £20 H&M or M&S gift card to bulk it up

OP posts:
kimchio · 19/12/2023 17:36

Don't match it. Next year say "can we sent a £30 limit for Christmas gifts this year" in october

Whiskers4 · 19/12/2023 18:05

You really don't have to try and keep up with your friend. You've already chosen gifts you think she might like. Mind you this comes from someone whose friend is married to a multi millionaire and really can't compete - I buy her coffee and cake out, when it's her turn it's an expensive meal😅.

Lizzieregina · 19/12/2023 18:08

Yes don’t try to keep up. And I agree to either set a price limit for the future or abandon gifting altogether. Maybe get together for a nice meal, or go see a Christmas show together.

Your gift sounds lovely. I wouldn’t want it as I’m not a handbag person, as in when I find one I Like, I use it for years, but you know your friend best.

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whatausername · 19/12/2023 18:16

Among my friends we are all in wildly different financial positions. I never try to match them and they never try to match me. Everyone seems happy with the thought and consideration. There's only one person who feels uncomfortable that she isn't in a position to reciprocate so I stick to a phone call or a message. I am very much a gifter and I love the process but I'd be bothered if I discovered someone was flapping about "matching" what I do. On the other hand, a friend often sends me surprise parcels and I couldn't possibly give her gifts so often. I love that she thinks of me and she enjoys surprising me.

Beautiful3 · 19/12/2023 18:38

You shouldn't match it, if you can't afford it. Your gifts sound lovely and thoughtful. My friend buys my children nice presents, I bought her a token gift. A few years ago she surprised me with a gift for me too! I was worried because I hadn't bought her a proper pressie. Last year and this year I spent £15. Would love to spend more on her, but I cannot afford to.

AgnesX · 19/12/2023 18:47

Are you very well off? I'd be embarrassed if a friend spent that amount of money on me (anyone other than DH actually).

I think you need to grit your teeth and tell her that you feel uncomfortable/can't afford it.

What you've got so far sounds really nice.

dontgobaconmyheart · 19/12/2023 18:52

I think I would have just spoken to her about it and said I'd prefer not to do gifts, or do them and them just be a token gift - £10/£20 as any more feels too much. I too would feel a bit uncomfortable with a friend spending £100 routinely on my gifts, unless they are disproportionately wealthy by comparison and it's pennies to them then it feels very out of hand.

I don't think it really matters what anyone on here would think of the actual items you've bought, as presumably they were bought with her in mind so are suitable but it's just not supposed to be this way OP, stressful and worrying about costs. I'd knock it on the head, wouldn't match it and would ask that we reign it right back.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 19/12/2023 18:53

You shouldn't try to match her spend
You've chosen thoughtful gifts which she will appreciate

Alargeoneplease89 · 19/12/2023 18:54

It's not a competition, if they were disappointed no doubt they would rein in the spending.

MaidOfSteel · 19/12/2023 18:56

I'd love all of those things as gifts! I really don't think you need to worry. But maybe chat about setting a more reasonable limit next year.

Resilience · 19/12/2023 19:05

You need to talk this through with her. One of my good friends doesn't have much money at all. At one point neither did I but my career took off and I now earn quite well. We had the talk because I noticed that as my presents got more generous as my income increased, hers were increasing too - without the income - in response. I was horrified to think that she felt she had to match it when my intention was just to spoil her a bit because I could now afford it and she deserved it. I told her I didn't expect that and for me present giving was about the pleasure of giving not reciprocity. I've scaled things back a bit anyway just to make her feel less uncomfortable and find other ways to help her out/spoil her without it being so obvious.

One of the best presents I had was a homemade cake and peppermint creams which cost her pennies to make but was so lovely and personal and I hugely valued the investment of time and energy, whereas spending money is easy if you have it.

If you're good friends, it might feel awkward opening the conversation but honestly it will be fine once you've started it.

ZekeZeke · 19/12/2023 19:09

You need to have a conversation with your friend.
Why not suggest going to a show as a gift to each other?

Ilikeadrink14 · 09/07/2024 09:59

MaidOfSteel · 19/12/2023 18:56

I'd love all of those things as gifts! I really don't think you need to worry. But maybe chat about setting a more reasonable limit next year.

A great solution! This is what I would do.

thehappyotter · 22/07/2024 19:00

kimchio · 19/12/2023 17:36

Don't match it. Next year say "can we sent a £30 limit for Christmas gifts this year" in october

this .
i would maybe say i could cook for you. Is friend wanting attention ?

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