Really struggling at the moment

[NightisdarkandfullofterrorsGOT]

Struggling this Christmas emotionally.

Kids all growing up, relationship with one of my teens very difficult, sister had same age teen and she gets on so well with her mum and is so lovely. I feel like a complete failure, I know my relationship with her is my fault, as if I’d done things right she’d still like me.

I really my kids being little, still have one small one but mostly older kids so need to keep going for them but basically feeling really crappy.

Feel sad, lost and overwhelmed.

Also really struggle with friendships so when I hear people getting together with friends for outings and parties I feel like a failure again as I just don’t know how to get relationships to go from acquaintances to friends. Obviously my sister has hundreds of family friends and all her kids enjoy socialising as a family.

I wish I could work out where I was going wrong for next year but i know it will be the same. I try so hard to make everything lovely and magical, but I just feel like everything is falling apart and feel really sad and lonely.

If you read to the end thank you.

Don't take the teenager being moody, personally..it's about them mainly. Try and call a friend or ask work colleagues if the want the go for a walk at lunch and try to build on that. You could do picky teas so that it's novel to the children. This time of year can be awful as it highlights all our inadequacies. Mainly try to concentrate on yourself, find something you love in the following year like yoga, crochet, films.

Thank you for replying, I feel like looking at the people I know the ones who are close with their teens have lots of family friends and can throw big party’s and socialise with their kids. I know it’s too late for us to develop friendships like that and really hard as my husband doesn’t really want friends :( to be honest I have massive rejection phobia so asking a new person for a walk or coffee is terrifying. But will maybe think about trying a new activity next year and see if that helps to meet people.

One thing at a time.

Teenagers generally hate mums. My relationship with my daughter was dreadful and now we are best friends. Just keep the love flowing even when it's difficult. Be kind but firm

Friendships

They don't form themselves. You have to put effort in. Invite an acquaintance for a coffee , or say there is a film you want to see would they fancy joining you ?

Also don't pay any heed in what you see on Facebook about people's active social life with friends. It's am image that's being portrayed not always reality

Some teenagers are tricky, just like some toddlers are prone to tantrums and some aren't. It's probably not anything you've done wrong.

I like the book Untangled by Lisa Damour.

Thank you, but I know my siblings both have great social lives and great relationships with their teens. It just makes me think I’m the problem. Which I think I am as I’ve suffered with anxiety and depression for as long as I remember, now I think it’s also the menopause. It’s just hard to watch the people around me know how to have a good life and feel so clueless.

I'll start my own thread to moan about it, but I feel ya OP x

Feel free to moan here xx

Teenagers are designed to be difficult. Take it as a compliment that they feel safe enough with you to kick against you this hard. Maintain your boundaries with love and kindness and they will come back to you again.

You’re not alone OP. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy. So what your siblings have different lives? They will have different problems too. I see people whose lives look amazing but I wouldn’t trade mine and what I have, which might look less but it’s mine.

Thank you