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Original poster

Completely freaking out about turning 40

85 replies

MiddleAgeAllTheRage · 18/12/2023 19:28

I'm turning 40 within the next few months and I'm completely freaking out about it. 30 was scary enough. I've always felt youthful and just... young. But in the last twelve months or so I'm really starting to feel my age. My eyes have loads of wrinkles around them when I smile, my body feels a little stiffer, my hair is starting to get a bit thinner. It's harder to lose weight.

But most of all I'm absolutely terrified of what the next decade will bring me. I only have a few relatives left and I love them more than anything 😔 it's scary.

Am I old?! Is there anyway I can change this and go back to being 25?

OP posts:
oneflewoverthe · 19/12/2023 07:47

HappyCamperTent · 19/12/2023 07:45

Maybe it’s because I’ve worked outside my whole life?! But I defo look 40! It’s actually hard to believe when someone says they look 25 when they’re 40, or don’t have wrinkles…. Especially at 60! I know if you carry more weight on you’re face you’re less likely to have many wrinkles

I'm 39 and don't have wrinkles. It doesn't mean I look 25 though! I've always worn spf and it's down to luck too

CruisingForAMusing · 19/12/2023 07:55

oneflewoverthe · 19/12/2023 07:47

I'm 39 and don't have wrinkles. It doesn't mean I look 25 though! I've always worn spf and it's down to luck too

Show quote history

I don't have any wrinkles at all. But I assume I look approximately my age (39).
My mum doesn't have any wrinkles at 70 (but looks 70).

PrincessHoneysuckle · 19/12/2023 08:01

40 didn't bother me.44.is round the corner now though and I'm dreading it

FiveShelties · 19/12/2023 08:06

Do not regret growing older, it is a privilege denied to many.

And if you are freaking out being 40, just wait until you get to 60😁Or 67 as in my case.

savemytimezone · 19/12/2023 08:18

Time to get philosophical! It's the only way to get through old age and ultimately death, I find.

When I was in my 20s I thought being the age I am now (in my 50s) was too horrible to contemplate. How awful would I look?!

Now I am there, of course I don't look in my 20s anymore, but I am not doing too bad I don't think. Mind you my eyesight isn't what it was either 😂 This is without facials, Botox, surgery, fancy make-up. I do the bare minimum. Tinted moisturiser, mascara and tinted lip balm. I don't try too hard to turn back time. Yes, I could try and do more but what's the point? Ultimately it's all for nothing as if I don't die I WILL get older-looking and there is nothing out there that's going to change that.

The point I am making though is now that I am in my 50s, the things I thought would freak me out aren't freaking me out. Maybe because I'm into philosophy (Stoic), Buddhism and stuff like that. I don't actually CARE anymore and that's the beautiful thing.

I know we live in a superficial world with the Daily Mail printing pics of older stars when they were in their 20s and complaining they don't look exactly the same now. We've got to rise above all this stupid chatter and gossip and see what's real.

I feel wiser with my years and I give my time to supporting the youngsters in my family who need emotional support and guidance. I never thought I'd have the patience or care enough to do that, but I am very different to how I used to be.

In other words, getting older is to gain wisdom. It's not about clinging onto youthful looks which is an impossibility anyway.

We are not rocks or other inanimate objects, we are organic and like all organic things we are going to get old and die.

As for your relatives, just make the most of the time you have together and you'll have great memories.

All this to say, going with the flow is easier than fighting the current.

SunnieShine · 19/12/2023 08:23

MissKittyFantastico84 · 18/12/2023 19:51

With any luck, you'll be 80 one day - and you'll give anything to be 40 again.

That's the way I see it! I think it's a good mindset to have. It helps!

Plus, getting older is better than the alternative.........

There's always someone who says that but I disagree. It entirely depends on the quality of your life. And anyway, you won't care either way once you are dead.

DappledThings · 19/12/2023 08:24

HappyCamperTent · 19/12/2023 07:18

How are you lot not wrinkly at 40?!

I'm not really sure if I am. I don't look that closely. With a resting face not much, smiling much more. Is that average for 44? No idea. It's just my face at the age that it is.

SlB09 · 19/12/2023 08:24

OP, I completely get it and have felt the same. I turned 40 in November and honestly I feel like something has just clicked with my mortality, fertility years, parents getting older/old etc. I feel like this decade is going to be a HARD one. Whether it is or not is a different thing but just wanted to say I've grappled/am grappling the same thoughts x

BIossomtoes · 19/12/2023 08:31

Thank you for that article @savemytimezone. That really resonates with me.

Wiwt234 · 19/12/2023 08:37

I turn 40 next year too but feel pretty good about it. Have hit my stride career-wise, have good friends and family relationships, am about to get married and my life is (for now) exactly how I want it. This is after spending much of my 20s anxious and insecure about everything. But every year since about 24 has just got better and better. While my youthful glow is less than it was, I think I look better than I did in my 20s.

I do count my blessings every day and am acutely conscious of how fragile it all is. One day this might all all stripped away, so am determined to enjoy it while it lasts.

I also look after myself and do what I can to prolong this feeling - dermatologist, exercise, sleep, nourishing food, investing in all my relationships. And saving like mad into my pension.

savemytimezone · 19/12/2023 08:57

BIossomtoes · 19/12/2023 08:31

Thank you for that article @savemytimezone. That really resonates with me.

Thanks, glad you found it of use. ❤

Pigeonqueen · 19/12/2023 09:05

These sorts of threads always make me sad. No one should pay any attention to how old they are or whether they look their age. We’re all pandering to the media which thinks life is over past 25 and women in particular have nothing to offer as we get older. It’s all nonsense and by going along with that we’re all perpetuating the cycle. I’m 43, I look 43 and I’m fine with that. I was always very attractive in my younger years and I did go through a thing in my late 30s when I started to feel really depressed about what I perceived as losing my looks but I realised I was just entering a different time in my life, no one can look and feel the same as they did 10/20 years ago forever. Once you learn to accept that it’s very freeing.

honeyandfizz · 19/12/2023 09:09

I feel that getting older is a privilege not something to be anxious about. At nearly 47 both DC at Uni and I am living a great life full of freedom, I wouldn't want to go back to my 20s/30s if you paid me.

19lottie82 · 19/12/2023 09:28

I mean…….. it’s better than never turning 40, isn’t it? Some people aren’t so lucky.

thats the way I look at it

Devilsmommy · 19/12/2023 09:33

SilverBranchGoldenPears · 18/12/2023 19:58

I‘m 50 now and turning 50 was easier than 40 somehow.
i do get where you are coming from but it truly is a gift. Time is all we have. Don’t waste a moment wishing you were younger, prettier, slimmer, sportier. You are you. And that’s enough. Your 40s should be the best years of your life. Young enough to have health and energy and old enough to know how to spend that energy.

Perfectly put😊

herewegoroundtheblueberrybush · 19/12/2023 09:42

I think it makes a difference whether you have kids or not, how much your life has changed due to kids, what your financial position is like, what your marriage is like, and how nice your younger years were.

40s can be a real shock if you had a good childhood and fun 20s, especially if you have young kids, struggling for money, no longer live near lots of friends, maybe hitting perimenopause or other physical issues are catching up with you, relatives are getting frail. Not everyone is the same, different ages hit different people differently

Wolvesart · 19/12/2023 09:47

I’m 60 and have an 18 yr old DC. 40s we’re all about finally achieving the dream of parenthood. I also felt the timing was just right as I didn’t feel like I was missing stuff as I’d ’been there, done that’.

50s seemed more meh, as for 60 - I mostly just think I’m still 40 😂

Themusicis0utside · 19/12/2023 09:52

HappyCamperTent · 19/12/2023 07:18

How are you lot not wrinkly at 40?!

Presbyopia 😁

CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine · 19/12/2023 10:04

I recently turned 40 and was completely freaking out about it but various, unfortunate, things have happened that have made me realise it’s no big deal. I do also feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes and I see the world, and the people in it, much clearer. I no longer want negative people in my life, they can all fuck off.

I’m happy to be here, I’m lucky, so many people don’t make it to 40.

OldTinHat · 19/12/2023 10:24

Turning 40 is absolutely brilliant. You realise that you're your own person, don't worry about what people think and finally grow in confidence. In fact, turning 40 was so liberating that I couldn't wait to be 50! 52 now and looking forward to being 60!

The alternative to turning 40 is not really acceptable and I'm sure you don't want that. Anyway, you can always lie for years and say you're 39!

endlesscraziness · 19/12/2023 10:32

It's a privilege to age. We have too many friends taken before they hit 40. Embrace it

lking12 · 19/12/2023 14:31

For me it’s not the number per se. Or even looking older. It’s a couple of things.
When you’re young you feel like life is going to go on forever, and there’s lots going on. Study, exams, then Uni maybe, a first job, a houseshare, maybe you rent your own place. Meet someone, buy a place, have children, progress in your career and then… you’re staring down the barrel of your routine staying pretty much the same until you retire.
No new place to move to because your kids are in school. A job plateau , trying to make ends meet. Etc. it feels like a whole lot of the same, which is a bit depressing! And what can you do about it when you’ve got responsibilities like young children or aging parents?
Combined with that I feel older, I’ve started getting neck problems (no doubt from screen work). I’ve had two friends diagnosed with cancer, you become much more aware you’ve maybe had most of the time you’re going to get. Certainly about half of it and certainly the healthy best part! And the thought of leaving your own children behind eventually is so sad but god forbid something should happen to them first.
So that’s been on my mind as I turn 39. Fun!!

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 19/12/2023 14:37

I think many are missing the point a bit, it's not really to do with that age OP is, I think she is having a bit of a crisis about ageing, mortality and loss of youth. I think we all go through it at some point, some people in their 20s some not til their 60s. It's normal but also difficult to process.

Showmethesunny · 19/12/2023 14:39

Well the alternative is death so if I were you I’d stop being such a wimp and embrace living. Ageing is a privilege