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Original poster

Food for 20 month old guest... am I too controlling over my kitchen?

32 replies

boobashka · 18/12/2023 15:11

My little nephew is coming for Christmas along with his parents (my DB and sis in law) and other family members. There will be 14 of us - like last year. This time last year when he was 8 months old, his parents took up valuable space in the packed fridge with all the ingredients for his meals which they made fresh for him 3 times a day. Quite honestly it was a bit of a pain over the 4 days they were staying with us. It was things like an open pack of chicken breasts balanced on bags of carrots and brocoli. I do admit to being a bit anal about my fridge but with the best will in the world, there ain't much space in there over the Christmas period with a houseful of guests!
I'm trying to not be controlling here. If they want to make meals for the little 'un again, I will try to be chilled out about it. But I was thinking of sending a text to say that I'm not adding salt or stock to any of the soups and sauces I'm making and freezing for Xmas - as a bit of a hint to say - you won't be needing to make anything for DN will you?! What do you think oh wise mumsnetters....?🤔

OP posts:

ElleLeopine · 18/12/2023 15:15

He will be 20 months old now, so eating very differently to how he was fed last year. Perhaps just ask his parents what they will need for him, and take it from there?

Rosecoffeecup · 18/12/2023 15:15

I think you can and should be more direct than that

"hello, this is the planned menu and I'm going to be using/not using XYZ ingredients to make it suitable for nephew. Will he eat this or do you intend on preparing something else for him, space is at a premium in the fridge so would be helpful to know "

GreatGateauxsby · 18/12/2023 15:16

I’d just say you are assuming littlelord fontleroy is fully weaned and will be eating normal food. You are making everything low sodium but wanted
to check if he has any allergies you need to know about too.

they will say “oh that’s lovely. no allergies/ he allergic to egg”
or
“ don’t worry we will bring specific food for him”

if it’s the later you can advise it’s best they bring majority store cupboard food as fridge space is at a premium this year.

my 20m old eats the exact same stuff as us now so I expect it is a non issue this year

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Zevitevitchofcrimas · 18/12/2023 15:18

What rose said.
I think perfect reasonable to ask in these circumstances

MerryMarigold · 18/12/2023 15:21

Agree with combining both these responses. At nearly two he should be eating what everyone has and if you want gravy with salt then he doesn't need to have it! If they want separate food, it will have to be non cupboard items. Fruit (or carrots!) do not need to be refrigerated at this time of year. Shops are open Xmas eve and boxing day.

MerryMarigold · 18/12/2023 15:21

Sorry meant to day non fridge items ie. Cupboard items.

Caspianberg · 18/12/2023 15:22

I wouldn’t mind. My 3 year old is really fussy so if I stayed somewhere for 4 days I would hope they don’t mind me feeding child something I brought with me knowing they will eat rather than 4 days of food meltdowns.

However 8 v 20min this is very different, so he probably does eat more similar items now

I would message asking if there’s anything in particular basic he likes to eat ie bananas so you can pre stock

My fussy 3 year old will eat most basics people usually have such as bread (toast), bananas, buttered pasta, etc. so if i knew the basics of what you have or planned to serve I would just bring some snacks to tie him over if he would eat at least 1/2 you meals, and toast

DuploTrain · 18/12/2023 15:24

I’d leave them to it. The zest for preparing everything from scratch has probably worn off a year later. Remember at that point they were only 2 months into giving him food and it was probably still a big deal to them.

I’m sure the fridge thing was annoying but they didn’t ask you to cook or prepare anything specially so they were probably trying to be as considerate as possible.

Whataretheodds · 18/12/2023 15:25

You could also:
buy, borrow, or rent a mini fridge if you're concerned about space
Supply, or ask them to supply tupperware/ziplock bags to ensure no food contamination
Be clear up front about how you organise the fridge for safety and ask them to do the same

CatherinedeBourgh · 18/12/2023 15:25

Get a picnic fridge and let them put all their food in it. It will come in more than handy when your fridge is overflowing and will save lots of stress when they're there.

Vuurhoutjies · 18/12/2023 15:28

Possibly I'm less than helpful as I just took delivery of a new, second fridge, ahead of doing lots of entertaining over Christmas....

But agree with @Rosecoffeecup A friendly text saying what you're planning and highlighting the space issues is the best approach.At least then you can plan accordingly.

Talipesmum · 18/12/2023 15:30

Yes, just call them and discuss what your food plans are, and ask them if that works for their child or what tweaks might help? Careful not to suggest what he should or shouldn’t be eating by now - that can instigate some pretty explosive conversations! Just keep it along the lines of finding a good plan, and see what they think. And agree that 8 months is totally different to 20 months.

wideawakeinthemiddleofthenightagain · 18/12/2023 15:32

Have a conversation with them. When we stayed with family/friend when the DC were that sort of age, DC1 would have eaten the same as everyone else but DC2 was and still is quite picky. Also, whilst they may be eating the same as everyone else, they may not be eating at the same time. Mine always had tea at 5pm at that sort of age. I doubt many others will be sitting down to eat then.

Original poster

boobashka · 18/12/2023 15:33

Thanks- some great advice here and I will ask them if there's anything I should be buying in for 'Little lord Fontelroy' - that made me laugh @GreatGateauxsby !

To be honest, I was caught by surprise last year. I mean, my 3 are teenagers now but when they started weaning I just gave them meat and veg from the dinner to munch on as finger food and a bit of mushed up porridge. The palaver DB and DsiL were going to was quite a sight to behold! 😵Hopefully the pfb eagerness will have worn off a bit by now!! 🤞

OP posts:

RosesAndHellebores · 18/12/2023 15:35

Tell them your plans and say you hope he can eat x, y and z but if not could they bring his meals frozen as you'll have room in the freezer.

ColleenDonaghy · 18/12/2023 15:38

DuploTrain · 18/12/2023 15:24

I’m sure the fridge thing was annoying but they didn’t ask you to cook or prepare anything specially so they were probably trying to be as considerate as possible.

Agree with all this. Solids were new this time last year and they were probably a bit anxious about it all. I think it's a bit meanspirited to begrudge them fridge space tbh, they probably thought they were being the perfect guests. You didn't need to shop or cook for a newly weaned baby whose dietary requirements were a bit different to the rest of the group.

Give them a shout in a friendly way. Both of mine have gone through phases of being great eaters and being fussy - if he's in a fussy phase then they can't just chuck toast at him for 4 days the way they could if it was just the one day.

caringcarer · 18/12/2023 15:39

Rosecoffeecup · 18/12/2023 15:15

I think you can and should be more direct than that

I think this is a suitable message.

DelurkingAJ · 18/12/2023 15:39

For us it was timing that was the problem at 20 months. No, on the whole the DSs couldn’t have lunch at 2pm because by then they’d screamed the house down hungry and were overdue a nap (DFIL made that mistake ONCE…we had warned him, DMIL had warned him but…). Equally DM who fed DS1 three yoghurts at bed time and then was shocked that he didn’t go to sleep nicely all full of sugar!

ColleenDonaghy · 18/12/2023 15:40

Oh yes good point about timings - probably much more important this year now he won't be on milk feeds!

JadziaD · 18/12/2023 15:42

boobashka · 18/12/2023 15:33

Thanks- some great advice here and I will ask them if there's anything I should be buying in for 'Little lord Fontelroy' - that made me laugh @GreatGateauxsby !

I still have flashbacks from the way SIL and BIL fed their PFB. I remember him being aged 2 or so? Still in a high chair but not a baby by any stretch of the imagination. And I had cut up a big bowl of fruit for him and DD who was a bit older. Handed it over and went back to preparing the main meal. Was completely bemused to realise that BIL was sitting there, breaking off these tiny tiny chunks of strawberry, blueberry etc and feeding them to their DS like he was a baby bird or something.

But then, she just doesn't give him grapes, full stop, and he's now 8. Too scary for her so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

Ask them if they need anything in particular for their DS. At that age, my DC weren't particularly adventurous so I'd usually just say something like, "hopefully he'll eat what we eat but if it's new or different and he's not keen, he'll aways eat eggs or peanut butter. I can bring some with me for emergencies" 9/10 people would then assure me they have eggs/peanut butter anyway, but either way, the problem was solved.

Felisenavedad · 18/12/2023 15:49

I have a 3 year old and I still cook separately for him - for a start I don't eat dinner at 5pm! But he has issues with texture so sadly won't just eat what we're eating as lovely and easy as that would be.

I would ask them if I were you and just say, what does X eat now, will he be ok with xyz as that's what we're eating. If they say no, we'll bring food, just say great but there isn't much fridge space and let them work it out from there.

I don't think you can deny them fridge space entirely but equally, I wouldn't expect to put much in a fridge if someone was kindly catering for so many people.

Whitewolf2 · 18/12/2023 16:07

If I was staying with someone I’d be grateful for a chat in advance just to see if there are any meals that might need a bit of a tweak for kids - like if you’re doing a curry mine would want the meat before the curry sauce is added, or just a cheesy pizza with no toppings, hopefully easy adjustments to make as long as you know in advance!

Richard1985 · 18/12/2023 16:25

What's your sibling relationship like? If that were my sister, I'd just send a jokey message saying "hope your not still doing all that nonsense for LLF, the shelves in our fridge are still sagging from all the crap you showed up with last time"

wideawakeinthemiddleofthenightagain · 18/12/2023 20:57

In our family, Christmas lunch is usually around 3pm. That doesn't work with a 20mo at all! Our solution was to give the DC their weetabix at 7am as usual. At midday, when we were all tucking into smoked salmon & prawns, they could have whatever they wanted from that but we also did some smoked salmon for them to make sure they'd eaten properly. They then went for their nap. This meant they were wide awake for actual
Christmas lunch but it was a bonus whether they actually ate anything or not. Then we did some pasta about 5.30. We are again about 9pm.

Original poster

boobashka · 18/12/2023 21:11

DSiL is fairly new to our family so we don't really have that relationship and I don't want to offend/ be judgy about their parenting.... 😬

OP posts:

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