I urgently need a new direction

[FlamMabel]

I'm not quite sure what I'm asking the good women of Mumsnet for, positive stories or advice I think.
My job is making me extremely unhappy, I'm being bullied, undermined and in general it's awful. My marriage is not that great (my husband is just not emotionally there, I was sexually assaulted and he literally said nothing and went to bed, I can't talk to him, he's simply not interested). I don't have much of my own money, husband is main breadwinner and we live in digs provided by his employer. I have three children.
I just found myself earlier this evening on the kitchen floor crying in such utter despair.
I live in a small town with few prospects.

Sorry @FlamMabel that sounds awful.

Maybe try to break stuff down a bit. Can you speak to HR/a manager at work about the bullying? Is it possible to change departments? You probably need to have a look for new jobs but it would be nice to do it more gradually.

How are you splitting other costs? Maybe try and get your husband to pay for a bit more so you can start having some more savings of your own?

Are there other towns nearby where you might be happier but could still get the kids to school and get to work?

Its hard to know from your messages but might be worth looking at some counselling or a GP appointment if you are feeling very down.

Sending you a bit hug! X

How old are you?

@Squiggles23 Thanks. I haven't documented the bullying (I could kick myself) but will start now. Much of it has been that kind of incredibly petty stuff, passive aggressive that would probably look insane if I raised it as an issue. The two women doing it are manipulative to the extreme.
Costs all come from one place, but are heavily and intricately tied up to maximise our income. I find it extremely challenging to understand, husband studied economics so has a better handle of it. He's not abusing me financially.
@DustyLee123 I'm 44.

I've spent the night looking at every job site and every company that might have a job not listed on those sites and come up with nothing.

You say you don't have access to much of your own money- do you have full access to family money?

I'm so sorry that you're having such a shit time at work and that your husband was so unhelpful after you were sexually assaulted. You might find it helpful to talk to Rape Crisis https://rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/want-to-talk/#:~:text=Call%200808%20500%202222%20or,to%20start%20an%20online%20chat.

@Whataretheodds Uhm yes. Not directly as only one of us can have the online banking. But I don't think he'd quibble, and I have credit cards that access the money.
I don't know whether I really need to contact Rape Crisis. It was a year ago. I'm basically over it, in some ways the worst aspect was the utter lack of acknowledgement of it, lack of a hug, or even a handhold. I feel as if asking for those things kind of negates their purpose.

It sounds like you’ve got an awful lot going on, do get the help suggested by pp.
But I’d also wonder if you’re heading into peri menopause territory. If you are, getting control of that will help you cope with the rest.

Not directly as only one of us can have the online banking

That doesn't sound right if it's a joint account.

No time limit on the impact of sexual assault, or on getting help either.

It’s not too late @FlamMabel to raise it at work. Why don’t you write down some of the examples being specific as possible (in terms of dates etc). Then see after it if you feel like you can raise it to HR. They are there to support you so I guess it doesn’t mean anything has to happen but at least it’s documented. Have you tried speaking up directly to the women or think it wouldn’t go down well?

Have you had counselling OP? It sounds like it would be good to get stuff off your chest especially about the assault. Even if you don’t report it it’s good to talk it out.

Have you tried to bring it up again to your husband since? Is he typically just not emotionally supportive for anything? I would find that really tough.

Thank you Squiggles. He's never really been great at emotional stuff (despite him having an emotional and almost physical affair with a colleague which we talked through for MONTHS). He also has an INCREDIBLY DEMANDING job (extremely long hours, extremely stressful, emotionally demanding). I was considering getting marriage counselling but he just wouldn't have time.
I did have counselling last year and after the assault but it's not the assault itself causing the issue. It's the sense of feeling utterly alone, unloved, unable to speak to anyone, unable to escape.

Yes I hear you, it’s very difficult to not have someone supportive behind you after something like that happens.

Alot of counselling is online now (not sure if the same for marriage counselling. Maybe he could carve out an hour of his day easier if he could go in a meeting room etc at work. At the end of the day your happiness and relationship has to be a priority too.