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Original poster

On my own forever.

17 replies

Justwoundering12 · 17/12/2023 19:22

Just wondering really . Has anyone never really settled in a relationship? I have had short term relationships. Here and there of a year and under. My longest was 8 years but even then we had breaks. I don't like being in relationships I never feel settled or content. I know it does not come under the norm. But am I the only one to feel like that ?

I feel so much happier and content on my own. Most people seem to want to be in a partnership though. I kind of feel odd that i dont feel like that .

OP posts:
Original poster
Justwoundering12 · 17/12/2023 21:14
OP posts:
Asifiwouldnt · 17/12/2023 21:15

I have met several people who have to my knowledge pretty much always been single and by choice rather than lack of opportunity. Why should everyone thrive in a couple? I think it’s fantastic you are happy and content.

Kimwitchhazel83 · 17/12/2023 21:22

Hi there, I am also like you I am content on my own I do miss the cuddles and the presence of a partner but I have had 3 long term relationships the first two I felt trapped and my last one broke my heart into a million pieces and I’ve only just picked them up and put them back together I have someone who wants a relationship but I’m just not ready or even sure I want to x

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EmmaEmerald · 17/12/2023 21:26

Me too. My longest is 18 months.

I can see there might be a lot of practical help in it, now at age 47, but only began to see that this year.

way too much sacrifice for me though.

Catsmere · 17/12/2023 21:38

Also single, never even dated. Wouldn't change it, I have zero interest in being in a couple now. Be even worse since I'm sixty and stuck as my mother's carer - not a chance I'd want to change that and just as likely end up being some bloke's carer!

KievLoverTwo · 17/12/2023 21:45

I was like this for decades. It turns out that children raised by narcissists can never settle. I wish I had known it sooner.

Anyway, I got to know my fiance really well as a friend for five years before we got together. So there were no nasty surprises, and because I knew him so well already, I trusted him implicitly.

I never imagined I would be 43 when getting together with a life partner. There were a lot of mistakes along the way. Now we are on our way to buying our first ever home, and I am 48!!!

Just because these patterns have occurred in the past doesn't mean they have to happen in the future. You have the power to make sensible choices: but it may not involve jumping in with both feet, full throttle. Those days are heady and intoxicating and I have had many of them, but it was ultimately the softly softly approach that worked for us.

EmmaEmerald · 17/12/2023 21:50

@KievLoverTwo that's an odd response given OP post highlighting "I feel so much happier and content on my own"

we're not all faulty or badly parented because we don't want relationships.

think of how the word "spinster" came about. Many men and women don't want a relationship.

Birchvalley · 17/12/2023 21:54

Makes sense to me OP. Far prefer my own company, I don’t want to be part of a partnership. Life is far more straightforward without someone else messing it up!!

KievLoverTwo · 17/12/2023 21:58

EmmaEmerald · 17/12/2023 21:50

@KievLoverTwo that's an odd response given OP post highlighting "I feel so much happier and content on my own"

we're not all faulty or badly parented because we don't want relationships.

think of how the word "spinster" came about. Many men and women don't want a relationship.

Edited

Oh yes, I missed that bit. My brain is not being kind to me today.

Sorry OP. I didn't mean to make you feel bad.

I had many many years when I was happy being single too. It does get you a bit when folks couple up and don't have a huge amount of time for you - but then you just find younger friends!

Original poster
Justwoundering12 · 17/12/2023 22:34

KievLoverTwo · 17/12/2023 21:58

Oh yes, I missed that bit. My brain is not being kind to me today.

Sorry OP. I didn't mean to make you feel bad.

I had many many years when I was happy being single too. It does get you a bit when folks couple up and don't have a huge amount of time for you - but then you just find younger friends!

Show quote history

It's fine. It's not a sensitive subject to me . You was just staring your experience

OP posts:
fuckssaaaaake · 18/12/2023 03:55

There's a thread like this quite regularly and I think the outcome is always the same, lots of people like being alone and lots like partners. Honestly not trying to be mean but i just don't think if makes you as different as you think it does

EmpressaurusOfCats · 18/12/2023 06:24

I get it completely. I got divorced nearly 10 years ago now & I’m so much happier & healthier single.

I think I might feel less happy if I didn’t have a lot of friends & family around, but as it is things are perfect.

Beezknees · 18/12/2023 06:30

I am 34. I've only had one relationship in my life, in my teen years and I got pregnant when I was 17. After we split up I never had a relationship since. I have dated and had casual flings but I don't want anything serious. I'm happy being single.

Undineimmor · 18/12/2023 06:37

I am glad you are happy.

Personally I only feel complete in a relationship. Having someone to laugh with, love and adore, do things for. Without it I feel like a part if me is missing. Waking up with someone, making love, building a life together etc. Relationships are everything. I don't really care about buying new clothes or things for the house, I care about having love in that house. We are all different I guess.

KnowThyself · 18/12/2023 07:53

As my Mother used to say ‘know thyself’. I knew what she meant, always knew it was a quote but just found out it’s by Immanuel Kant. So thanks for the memory op.

On a societal level being in a relationship is considered the norm. You need to ask yourself why you feel the pressure to conform as you know that you prefer to not be in a relationship.

There are two definite reasons to be in a relationship. Economic viability as two incomes will always be better than one and the burden of raising children is shared. Forget the romance and all that side of it, they are the practical reasons.

I would say navel gazing when you already know what you prefer is your issue and not that you prefer being alone. We can never make ourselves what we are truly not. We can hide parts of us or crush them down or try and raise them up but not fundamentally change who we are.

Contemplates · 18/12/2023 08:01

I heard recently it being explained like this: We are all 'singles'. Only, some 'singles' choose to live together! And some don't.

But everyone is a 'single', whether a single alone or a single living with another single.

I liked that. Makes sense really; we come into this world alone and we depart from it alone, and at times - even in a relationship - get a real sense of that truth.

singlesally74 · 18/12/2023 08:05

I've never had a serious relationship, I've dated and sometimes been with people who want more but I've stopped it, the ick maybe who knows.
I'm content single and like a pp care for a parent though we don't live together
I'm currently chatting to someone from work who is pushing for a date, I can't lie and say I don't like the attention but I've realised that it's all me and my insecurities that stop things moving on, the lad at work seems nice, we have a lot in common but the thought of taking things further than a drink or even a kiss is bothering me. I've not dated in a few years and this thread really made me realise I am happy alone but scared

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