Anyone else have Christmas guilt?

[ThemysteriousH]

I’m a lone parent with 2 DS, 10&7.

i should feel super excited this year, it’s my first year not working in 4 years. I’m excited for the day and us all waking up at home, but in the lead up to Christmas I’ve no “Christmas spirit”.

I feel awful and that my boys deserve more. I wish I didn’t feel this way. Growing up mine weren’t very nice but surely that should give me a reason to be even more excited?

I beat myself up comparing myself to social media too, I can’t afford the Christmas Eve boxes and piles of gifts, I haven’t even bought any yet, payday is the 20th so cutting it fine, but even then I’ll be missing some bills to be able to get them gifts.

So sorry to come here and rant, it feels a safe space being anonymous, honestly I wish I could slap myself, I know I could have it so so so much worse and I feel guilty feeling this way.

Is anyone else struggling to find their “Christmas spirit”?

Oh totally. Last year a friend got me to ask the kids what they had got the year before. They struggled to remember one present each. They did remember that I sang a carol loudly stood on a chair in the garden as a date and that the dog ate the pigs in blankets and we all accused the youngest (until we say DDogs face of shame). It's tough on your own, are you seeing any family or having any friends round? We often meet up with friends on Xmas day night or morning for a mulled wine. It breaks up the slightly boringness of just being us.

It’s really hard setting the tone, feels like such a lot of pressure to make it magical. Well meaning people will say presents don’t matter and it’s spending time that counts. Which imo increases the pressure! Now you have to do presents AND make fricking memories.

Mine are older now so I have it easy but here’s some suggestions for low effort things to do -

Make cookies, they can join in or not, but the house will smell lovely. And it’s not that much effort, yet seems really traditional and homely. You basically need butter, flour, eggs and choc chips and mix them all up.

Nativity movie is free on I player - watch it and eat the cookies and drink milk.

Put up a tree and always put the tree lights on. All those lights are your reminder that you are not alone and this internet random is rooting for you.

Play carols on whatever music thing you have available. Voila you have covered ‘the true meaning of Christmas’, a bit less frantic that pop radio stations.

Get a long tv series on the go, these holidays can be the one you watched all of Death in Paradise. Everything doesn’t have to be about Christmas.

Make yourself a hot drink, spend 5-10 minutes tidying up while it cools enough to drink.

Don’t aim for joy just aim for consistent. Then notice that the joy will come.

You are resourceful and you have got this x

Now my child is older we just kind of sail through the festivities, nice food, chilled day, nice walk, some tv/Netflix, but it harder when they're younger. Please try not to compare yourself to the tv/SM idea of Christmas - get them a couple of nice gifts, spend time together (games, walk/park, film with treats, make breakfast pancakes....that sort of thing), have a simple but nice meal (skip the parts you don't like). Pat yourself on the back for getting through another year and know you're doing your best. 😍

Oh yes another cheap-ish trick, can of squirty cream, frozen berries, long life Lidl waffles = good treat breakfast

I absolutely love these suggestions thank you so much @AndThatWasNY @CrapBucket @Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter !

I have written them down and added a few things to my Asda delivery for us to do some baking.

Unfortunately part of the day is with family which is a trigger for me, but I put a face on for DC as they’re actually good to them.
I am grateful DC and I are waking up in my house so I can add little magic touches like the whole flour footprints etc

My gran raised me and made occasions as special as she could within her means but unfortunately has died which plays part.

Why do you need a Christmas Eve box and piles of gifts?

It's very liberating when you stop feeling this way.

I don’t - I’ve never done it, so I don’t know why I’m feeling like it this year tbh!

I'd give myself a week of social media, that should take the pressure off a bit.
Your kids probably won't remember what gifts they got when they are older, but they will remember time you spent together

In the 70s we didn't have Christmas Eve boxes and all that rubbish.
We often got second hand things.
It's not about stuff.

I'm saying this with kindness, the common link between all these types of posts is social media. Stay off social media, or at least pause it in December. You'll be a lot happier. I actually feel more sorry for those people buying mountains of polluting presents that their kids aren't going to remember by next month. They're over-compensating for something. As PP have said, it's the small, cheap things that make memories. Decorating the tree together, being allowed just one more chocolate, snuggling with hot chocolate in front of a movie, making cookies, paper snowflakes. All of those are affordable, non-polluting and promote more togetherness than a pile of presents and an overpriced trip to winter wonderland x

Time off social media and making memories is what’s important, I completely agree, that’s what I shall be doing :)

I think I feel guilt when they mention things their friends do, I haven’t even done elf on the shelf but they understand, they’re good boys, I’m lucky.☺️

I don't give a shit about xmas, never have. I made the effort to be happy and enjoy it for DS when he was a child. I did my best and so I have no guilt at all, we had a lovely time.
Noe he's grown up I never celebrate it, we meet up in the new year and have a nice weekend together.

@PollyPeep you’ve summed it up in one, I’m going to switch my brain off from it all.
I get small gifts throughout the year when I can and they really aren’t expecting much.

Social media has really added to the guilt so I need to stop comparing.
I just wish I felt happier in general I think x

I know it can seem the norm for every kid to get Nike's and a PS 5 or whatever we are on now when you see SM and tv adverts.
But as PP have said really baking, playing silly games and watching a xmas movie marathon or any movie marathon Jurassic Park anyone. This all adds to the cozy happy memories not the endless shiny things to open.
I have wonderful Christmas memories and they are not about the gifts, and I know SM would have us all doing expensive outings and activities every day but actually some of those are just a waste of money.
Our local town has some nice Christmas lights you could wander around a town one evening and enjoy the lights and home for hot choc and so on.
It can be a difficult time of year so be kind and just make it easy and happy for you as well as the kids. We have to remember we deserve some Christmas cheer/relax time too.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your gran. Bereavement is really hard - I recommend a book called ‘Motherless Daughters’(relevant to grans too) and also Cruse for counselling if you are interested, it really helped me.

Is there anything you can do at Christmas that would feel like honouring her? Put holly around your picture frames or drink a Tia Maria or something that was very ‘her’? Xx

Yes I'm finding it utterly overwhelming this year and that I'm totally failing
Just seen yet another expectation on social media- a Christmas Eve breakfast from the elves!! Wtf!!! Stop the world I want to get off