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Original poster

How long do you leave your 11yo?

23 replies

Furiousfive · 17/12/2023 08:55

We were invited over for early evening drinks recently at a friend's house 5 minutes walk away. My 11 year old wanted to stay home but we made him come as we didn't know how long we'd be (possibly 3 hours plus).

He has stayed at home by himself up to 2 hours before but this seemed a bit too long and the fact it was evening time and dark made me think he shouldn't be left.

He feels that this was very unfair and he should have been allowed to stay home alone. Would you allow your 11 year old to stay behind? When at home by himself, he goes on his devices or reads and we've gone through safety/emergency what ifs. In the end we were out about 3 hours.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 17/12/2023 09:01

I think it's ok if you're only 5 minutes away. I wouldn't leave DS1 (same age) for much longer than that in the evening but I'd make an exception if it was close.

During the day, he occasionally has to do 3.30 to around 6 if one of us is in the office, but as we have a younger child we don't have as many occasions where the issue comes up. I think my red line at the moment is around bedtime - he still likes us to be around when he goes to bed so I wouldn't be out late enough that he'd have to take himself to bed.

But I think so much depends on the kid.

PolarTree · 17/12/2023 09:01

A couple of hours, I'm interested to see what others do too, feels like they are on the cusp of longer.

AvengedQuince · 17/12/2023 09:04

DS was home alone full working days at 11. School holidays are much longer than annual leave. As long as you were home before 10pm I think it's fine.

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TheHeadOfTheHouse · 17/12/2023 09:08

I’ve never left my 11 year old home alone for any length of time.

no SEN or anything, I just wouldn’t.

Xmasfairy86 · 17/12/2023 09:10

If he’s said he’s comfortable being home alone, and you’re not exactly far away, then I’d do it. My 11 year old was alone for a few hours, mainly daytime but occasionally evening. However 9/10 her elder sibling was home so not alone alone.

parrotonmyshoulder · 17/12/2023 09:12

I think you could have made this work by choosing how long you’d be and agreeing a plan - rules, what to do if something happens etc. Perfect opportunity if you’re really only 5 minutes away. Also depends on what you mean by ‘early evening’, and of course where you live.

livingonpurpose · 17/12/2023 09:13

Single parent here. For me I'll leave ds12 during the day however long is needed (occasionally have to leave him for full working days) but I only do this when I'm local, i.e. a 10 minute drive from home. I'd want to be sure I could get back quickly. In the evening I'd want to be sure I was home before he went to bed. I had to go out for works evening Christmas meal the other week and my childcare had fallen through, so made sure I was home just after 10 so I could put him to bed. I also always check with him that he's happy to be left. If he was scared/unhappy then I wouldn't leave him at all.

StillWantingADog · 17/12/2023 09:14

Well I was left quite a lot at this age but I was sensible and things were different then
mine is nearly 11 and it would totally depend on what he was happy with. Am far happier to leave him on his
own than with his 8yo brother though.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 17/12/2023 09:14

We will leave DD 11 for 1-2 hours alone.

I wouldn't leave her for longer than that and would send her to GPs if I was going out for an evening.

Barmecide · 17/12/2023 09:14

I went to a gig last night and DS (11) was home alone from about 7.15 to 10.30.

princessconsuelobananahammock · 17/12/2023 09:15

I’m similar regarding bedtimes, 2-3 hours is fine but I like being around for bed time, even if that’s a bit later than usual because I’m out. I know it isn’t super logical!

itismytime · 17/12/2023 09:17

Completely fine

princessconsuelobananahammock · 17/12/2023 09:17

Also meant to say - that’s just a preference & for optional stuff (like drinks out). If I had to leave her longer during the day for work etc I would, she’d be fine. I think the transition to high school is a big deal. Young 11 in Y6 no, old 11 in Y7 yes.

Quornflakegirl · 17/12/2023 09:18

I have 11 year twins. One stays home every Wednesday for 2 hours while I take her sister to a music lesson. I would also leave her for a few hours in the early evening if she was happy with it. However, I wouldn’t leave the other twin home alone at this stage for any length of time as I am convinced she’d set the house on fire.

It depends on the child and you know your child.

Beezknees · 17/12/2023 09:20

Preference I guess. I wouldn't have left my 11 year old in the evening. I'd have made him come with me, sometimes you have to do things you don't like in life.

Original poster
Furiousfive · 17/12/2023 09:24

Thanks for your replies. It seems the majority have/would be happy to leave their child for this length of time, so we'll have a chat with him and do this next time. We've only started leaving him a few months ago but it ramps up quickly!

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 17/12/2023 09:28

Xmasfairy86 · 17/12/2023 09:10

If he’s said he’s comfortable being home alone, and you’re not exactly far away, then I’d do it. My 11 year old was alone for a few hours, mainly daytime but occasionally evening. However 9/10 her elder sibling was home so not alone alone.

As long as he would call if he began to feel uncomfortable. Being 5 minutes away is certainly something in favour of trying this.

DD felt confident about being alone for 2.5 hours once during the day time, i didn't really feel comfortable with it but she really didn't want to have to sit through another of her brothers medical appointments so I said we could trail it, we were about 15 minutes away. She said when we got back that she'd found that too long. 1.5 hours seems to be her limit currently and only in the day time.

LittleBearPad · 17/12/2023 09:31

Given you were so nearby I’d think it would be fine.

User562377 · 17/12/2023 09:35

I'm a bit odd about leaving mine when it's dark. I'd leave him in the afternoon for a couple of hours but not at night.
We don't live in the nicest of areas so I just worry more when it's dark.

Sugarfree23 · 17/12/2023 09:36

Mines 12. But started leaving him home alone at 11 for short stints 30mins.
Started secondary and got a key. Now home alone 4-6pm. And the odd other occasion maybe 3hrs.

I'm not overly keen on leaving him alone at night but that will change in time.

EweCee · 17/12/2023 09:37

We have recently started leaving our 11yo alone for up to 3hrs during daytime on a Sunday as we want to go for a long dog walk and she doesn’t! But wouldn’t leave her when dark for any length of time as she would worry.

sleepyscientist · 17/12/2023 09:42

I would have left him. When we go to friends local like this one of us walks back to let the dogs out, you could do similar to check in on him the 1st few times.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/12/2023 09:51

DH works away.
DD1 (12yo) prefers staying home rather than coming to DD2s (10yo) activities. This is until 9pm one evening (I'm out for about 2.5hrs) and the whole of Sunday morning (can be 4hrs or so).
They are left together one evening (until 7.30) while I run Cubs.

They recently stayed together at home for 5ish hours during the day while I took their grandmother home .. but our next door neighbour knew and was there if needed.

Our lifestyle has made DDs quite trustworthy and self sufficient. You could argue their independence is a bad thing but it works for us.

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