Considering moving nurseries after 2 months

[joules90]

2 year old DS started nursery 2 months ago ago. We chose this nursery because it seemed like the best option out of the ones we chose. We liked the fact that they had an app and said they put all the activities they do on there and lots of photos/videos, they said they go on trips every week and alternate the days each week, I liked that he would be getting out and about regularly. I also liked that they said they do observations every 2 weeks as thought this would be good to see how his development is there.

He doesn't cry when going in, but goes very quiet and looks sad. He comes home with extreme energy, totally different to the days when he is with us or his grandparents and this makes me think he's not getting enough stimulation there. He's only been on 1 short trip so far despite them saying it would be every other week. There are hardly ever any photos on the app, just what he's ate. They don't respond to any messages on the app the odd time I've asked if he's getting on ok as he had been off in the mornings. At pick ups despite me asking it's hard to get info out of them about what he's actually been doing, I'll hear something like 'he's been playing with the toy snowman' and that's about it. He's there 2 long days a week. There has only been 1 short observation despite being told they do this every 2 weeks. I feel like I have no idea how he is there and what he's actually doing etc.

I was talking to a friend and she was showing me her nursery and how great they were at keeping parents informed about how their child was doing and how good it was and it made me doubt ours even more. I dread nursery days and it's making me feel stressed and anxious. I don't know if I need to give it longer or whether I should think about moving him. I worry it's not fair on him to move him and make him start all over again but equally I really don't have a good feeling about it. Sorry this is so long - felt like I needed to properly explain to get others opinions on this.

It sounds like you need to move him x

If it doesn’t feel right I would move him if you have other options. I get the daily update from nursery for my 3yo GD, she has been there 2/3 days a week from six months. There are photos of the kids doing 2-3 activities every day, some outdoor and active, some indoor and more focused (messy play, painting etc.). She was certainly doing the same number of activities in the younger room so your son’s age. They are also super responsive, I dropped her off recently having had her overnight and she cried as she wanted to stay with me, the staff member said she would phone me to let me know she had settled and she did within 15 minutes so I could reassure DIL. Nurseries are so expensive these days I would not keep a child somewhere I wasn’t happy unless there was no other choice.

When my DDs went to nursery you didn’t have apps or photos. You just believed the staff when they told you that dc was happy and you received yet another piece of art! I wouldn’t put much emphasis on an app. I didn’t need constantly to check up on dc.

Outimgs for 2 year olds might happen but not that often in my experience. Do you mean walking to a park? I would be more concerned to find a nursery with outdoor play and a garden. I would expect to see shade provided in the summer. Dc definitely need to run around but the best nurseries have their own outside play and space or go to a park for this.

I’d wait and see how it is after Christmas at this point. He started at a busy time of year where lots of Christmas activities will be happening - ie staff might not have much time away from children to do computer work - and the weather hasn’t been great for trips out. If you have other concerns though then definitely speak to the manager. The quickest response from our nursery would be calling or emailing rather than through the app so maybe try that?

The nursery is in a good location very close by big parks and beach etc, they have a very small outdoor bit but this didn't put me off very much at the time as I was told he would be out and about all the time but this hasn't been the case, he hasn't been to the park once. There is a nursery just round the corner from us that has been rated as outstanding and I have recently heard very positive things about it, we never visited this one though as they didn't have the days I need however I have heard they may have the availability now. I just keep thinking it would be unfair on DS for the upheaval again and may confuse him but he is going to be there for another almost 3 years that I just want the very best for him.

Hi op, I work in a nursery.

Honestly, it's so hard to put everything single thing in the app. Most days I manage it, but it takes forever to upload 12 observations, especially when we are trying to look after the children and provide stimulating activities while sticking to the room routine. I'm usually up to my eyeballs in nappies, meals, cuddles etc. Some days it's way too much and I don't get a chance to put in anything but what they have ate, slept, and nappies.

Updating the app means taking time away from the children, unfortunately. I'm not saying you shouldn't ever expect it to be updated, you have a right to know what your child has been up to. Maybe give them a few more weeks after Christmas as a PP said there's lots going on at this time of the year.

I'm not expecting observations everyday, they said they do them once every 2 weeks which hasn't been the case. The app thing wouldn't be too much a problem at all if I got updated at pick up but most of the time it's like trying to get blood out of a stone and I have no idea what he's been up to apart from playing with a snowman for 8.5 hours. I've tried to time pick up when it is quiet as I was finding I was waiting up to 25 mins at the gate to collect him at the gate while other parents had very very long chats meaning others had to wait a really long time. So the past few times I've been the only one there when I collect him, I'm not wanting a really long chat, and he's often itching to go soon as I collect him anyway, just details of how he has been, how he's mixing with the other kids/staff and what he's been up to that day.

Most schools assess dc around 3-4 times a term. A nursery should be similar. What would change in 2 weeks.? Not a lot. You cannot expect nursery dc to be out and about all the time. It’s very time consuming. So maybe you did need one with outdoor space?l

Your expectations sound reasonable. I doubt things will change so I’d chat to the other nursery and have a look there and move if possible.

Surely I can expect him to be out and about often when this is literally what we were told happened here, and the main reason we chose the place.

I would visit the other nursery to see if you like it and if they have a vacancy. Go with your gut feeling and move him for the new term. He will soon settle again.

If you are otherwise happy and he’s settled, which sounds like he has, then I’d not be worried about all the app stuff and observations.

If he’s only been there 2 months, it’s probably quite early for observations. At least the formal assessment ones.

And as for the app, well, I may be old school but my experience is that any setting that is spending a lot of time with staff on iPads adding photos and updates is not dedicating time to actually interacting with and engaging the children. I wouldn’t be paying someone to sit around on a screen all day instead of caring for my child. Our nursery was wonderful, but photos and observations did not come in real time. They were done in batches once or twice a month in evenings because they were properly hands on with the children.

I think him having energy at the end of the day is great. You don’t want a tired, grumpy toddler. So that wouldn’t be a goal.

If he’s settled so well so soon, I think that’s a good sign.

My lo is only in nursery 2 days a week. Because she's not there the full week, she sometimes isn't always there on trip days. Also the trip days are weather dependant and so there are fewer in the autumn/winter months. She can go weeks without updates on the app to, again I think because she's not there fulltime and I know they sometimes find it hard to find the time to do. They are however good at giving me an update of what she's been up to when I do pick up, but I do pick her up at a time when there are no other pick ups so that probably makes a difference as they can dedicate more time to me. Are your pickups at the same time as others? If yes, they might be a bit stretched for being able to dedicate time to each parent at pick up.

As for the bouncing with energy afterwards, it could be a response to over-stimulation rather than under-stimulation. Mine tend to get hyper after a busy day!

You have to follow you gut, but I think it's still early days and some of what you've described isn't that uncommon. Could you have a chat with the nursery manager first to address updates etc?

I think you have taken “out and about” very literally. In pushchairs? Going where? I’m not sure this works all year round.

They used to be but I was finding I was standing for up to 25 mins waiting to collect him outside so now try and work through my dinner/work slightly later on the days my mum has him so I can leave and collect him before it gets too busy, so the last few times there's only been me or one other there.

Also to the other poster (wasn't even going to bother replying tbh because you sound very rude) thanks but no I haven't taken it literally at all 😂 there is a huge park minutes away and the beach and library are on the doorstep and this is where I was told they all go weekly. Hence I didn't think the lack of outdoor space was too much of a problem.

Ok! Sorry you find me rude. However you aren’t getting what you thought you would. I’m just explaining why that might be. Not quite sure how that’s rude unless you say that about everyone with an alternative opinion. In which case, you will never be satisfied.

I'd go and visit other settings with an open mind.

I took my DD out of the first nursery we had for her, when she was coming up 2.5, after one month. I can’t even remember all the details now but she was unhappy and our guts said no. I do remember the staff all seemed a bit depressed and likely under paid. When she went back again to a school nursery at 3, it was completely different, she was happy and pretty comfortable within a week. All depends on the details but just saying don’t be afraid to move her if it feels right. I remember receiving that advice on a MN thread which helped me.

Visit the other nursery see what you think first. Main pointers to a nursery how long staff have been there, what's their ratios do they have staff who help different rooms out.

Our nursery rarely updates the app tbh I prefer they are playing and supervising with the kids then on a computer or tablet uploading info!

Our nursery is very out and about though.

I don’t really understand the need to have an app just to see pictures of what your child is doing during the day. Messaging them through the app to see how he’s getting on seems OTT as they’d contact you if there were any issues. If he only goes two days then you don’t know whether the children are getting taken outside on the other three days that he isn’t there. As for observations every two weeks, what are they meant to be observing exactly?

My 2 year old has been going to nursery since May. Sometimes the staff are rushed off their feet and won’t give a full breakdown of what she’s done during the 5 hours that she’s been there. If I need to know something specific then I’ll ask, can you try that instead? If you want to have a look at other nurseries then ofc you can do that. You may have the same experience though where the nursery tells you that they use this app and go out everyday but it may not be the case

Don't ever hesitate to make a change for your LO if you even have an inkling things aren't what they should be. Whether it's something small or something serious always trust yourself as a mother over any other influence.

Thanks all for your advice, it's really been playing on my mind. I picked him up todays and he was absolutely caked in snot, I mentioned this when I picked him up and was told oh I tried to wipe it but he moved. He never has any issues at all having his nose wiped, the opposite in fact, when I ask him to come to me to wipe his nose he comes immediately and has never objected to me wiping it before. I sent my partner a photo and he was really annoyed by it. Would you find this acceptable or not? (Picture attached). It's always a but scruffy of his meals when I get him and a bit snotty but not as bad as this, photo doesn't even show how bad it really was as it was even on his eyelids.

His bum was also absolutely red raw and bumpy when I took him home, he never gets nappy rash especially not like this but nothing was mentioned and I was really shocked when I took his nappy off to go in the bath. It was totally clear this morning.

My partner wants to ring and complain tomorrow as he (and he really isn't the type to complain about anything but found this quite upsetting). Would others think this is worthy a complaint, how would you feel?