How to choose who should host

[ivise]

How do you guys work out gathering or meet ups before Christmas with your extended family , times are tough now and I don’t want to host , last year I hosted for my cousins family and I don’t feel like I want to this year but I feel like she expects me to invite her ,but I haven’t mentioned anything apart from agreeing that we need to meet up , I do feel like she should sometimes invite to her house but I don’t want to ask as to sound I am desperate , I feel like she always asks to meet up but then waits for me sometimes my mother to decided on the rest,like expenses of hosting too , just leaves us in an akward positions , how do you decided on Christmas gatherings with your extended family?

Next time she mentions meeting up say " absolutely, let me know what day and time you want us round and I'll pencil it in. "
Has she never hosted at all?

Mainly it's always dinners at mine ,play dates at mine, she never seems to ask to come to hers ,some occasions on birthdays but I always end up having to buy my owns drinks ,I don't mind ,but I know when I host I always end up buying everything as they won't ever offer apart from rare bottle that they bring ,I don't know ,I think the problem is that I am a giver but I love to make gatherings fun not just sit on an empty table , my mum did offer to come hers but she completely ignored that part and said that she will just bring the presents

It's just really the first to offer, or if we don't want to host family we wait long enough that someone else has offered to host. If a family member doesn't get another offer and will be on their own we will invite them over.

Literally do not offer to have them round.

Meet up out.
If she says anything say you can come to hers

Go to soft play and don't buy her or her kids food.
Otherwise go to a park/ restaurant and you pick it such that they will set up two bills if you don't want to just go halves.

In your situation I would either suggest meeting at a neutral venue (pub/coffee shop/farm shop/country park). Or if you really want to see them maybe invite mid afternoon for a cup of tea and mince pie.

I think I will just leave it unless we end up having some tea and play for children after the Christmas , I don't have any money to host and I don't want an invite just because they feel like they have to, I feel with eight people this would be so natural and easy to plan

No you don't say anything, and if she brings it up @TomatoSandwiches is right - say you are happy to go round to hers!
I do have some friends I'd never see if I waited for an invite, but at least they don't EXPECT me to always have them round. But none of us are shy of saying: 'next time it's your turn Mary' sort of thing.