I just don't seem to "Get it"

[TheNameIsDickDarlington]

Does anyone else ever feel like they've missed some really important information that everyone else seems to have?

I've only recently been able to put into words a feeling that I've always had, I feel like in life everyone is playing a game that they've all been told the rules to and I just never git a copy of the rules.

I feel like I'm struggling with every aspect of life. My house always feels chaotic and messy and I don't know how to fix it. I spend so much of my time stressed about the house and tidying the house and cleaning but it's never finished. Yet I go to some other people's homes (like my parents) and their house is always tidy and "visitor ready" mine never seems to be.

I feel stupider than everyone, everywhere I go. I often get really overwhelmed and can't find the words I need so end up sounding so thick. Everyone else just seems to have the words, or have a brain that actually works I feel like even my brain is messy and I'm always trying to unpick all my thoughts and tidy them up because it's like a big tangeld ball of wool in my head that I can't really finish any thought or my thoughts just move on and then I can't remember what I was meant to be doing and I can't retrace my thought process because it's all just screaming other eachother all the time.

I just feel like I'm struggling to make sense of the world. I've got 3 kids and I don't know how I'm meant to be strict but not too strict that they hate me and Rebel and ruin their lives, but also I'm their parent not their friend so I need them to respect me while still feeling like I'm the person they can always turn to and I won't judge them. I'm meant to be bringing them up to live in a world I don't understand and that I'm clearly failing in.

I've just had a cry in the kitchen because I feel so overwhelmed by mess and noise and choices I have to make that I don't feel I can. I can't even kill myself to escape it all because then there's noone to look after the kids but am I ruining their lives by being a role model? I don't know!

I just need to know if I am really totally broken and stupid or if anyone else has felt like this and has any advice for how to fix it?

Yes the not fitting into groups is definitely me as well and I've felt exactly the same about the mum groups at school and the kids suffering. I'm trying really hard but I always feel like I'm getting it wrong.

I do struggle to get people to understand me sometimes as well, I'll be explaining something to H and he just won't understand what I'm saying but I can't even think of a more simple way to describe it, to me it's such an easy and obvious thing that I'm trying to communicate but it's like I'm speaking another language to other people.

And me! ADHD here, but only recently diagnosed. I just thought I was a bit odd with most things, but it's that feeling as though you've turned over two pages of life that were stuck together, and missed a vital bit that everyone else read and understood.

My daughter is the same but minus children @TheNameIsDickDarlington
She really struggles, and will forget to eat, forget to do the laundry and generally is very chaotic. She was diagnosed with ADHD last year. Medication has helped, and also doing adhd workbooks (when she remembers!)

I deal with overwhelm myself, so I understand her, though I'm not as chaotic.

You sound just like me, I’ve never seen it written so accurately to my experience.
(I had an adhd diagnosis last year and feel like autism is also in the mix)

Personally I need to live more slowly, to not fill up my calendar and to have time alone to just ‘be’.

Before I'd seen everyone's responses I also thought ADHD and/or Autism. I relate to a lot of what you say. I've been reading up on Autism and on the online tests my scores are always in the "yes it be might be Autism" range. You could do the AQ50 test online as a starting point if you want to look into it.

Christmas is a particularly difficult time of year if you generally find disorder, noise and lack of routine difficult. Be easy on yourself.

So nice and reassuring to hear from others who have similar experiences.

Yes, this has been me all my life. I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 53 and I suspect I have autism too.

Another who could have written this.
I wondered if I was on the spectrum but have recently been to a psychiatrist as my mental health was at a real low, did the test and I don't have it.
He's diagnosed me with dissociative personality disorder (although not to the extent I have identity alterations).
Please see someone, OP. People are so quick to say it's ASD and ADHD at the moment but there are other things it could be. Don't self-diagnose, get some professional help if you can. Best of luck.

I'm also like this. Whilst I always felt like this (whenever I think about primary school, I just remember standing on the edge of the playground by myself looking across at everyone and all of their games and just thinking "how do they know what to do at playtime"), I coped by developing various strategies, avoiding certain things and so on. It's only since having DC and having to manage their lives and remember all of their stuff that I feel like my head is going to explode at any moment. I only have 2DC - you have three. I think that that would have tipped me over the edge!

I could have written your post! I also strongly suspect I'm autistic, although I've never been formally assessed. I've just felt like an odd little alien all my life.

Everyone’s suggestions here are really good.

Can I also ask if your husband does half of the things which you’re describing- cleaning, tidying etc.

I think that as women we often don’t recognise when we’re doing more than our fair share. But of course 80 percent of the looking after of 5 people is a huge huge workload….

I'm sure it will come as a surprise to absolutely noone that no he does not do half of everything.

The days I work I come home to the house in an absolute state, everyday I wake up to mess left in the kitchen and living room (I go to bed before him), I do the laundry, cleaning, all the kids stuff, he cooks the dinner and makes lunch on a Sunday. He is supposed to take out the bins and sort the recycling but never does it promptly so I end up doing it. He always says "just leave it and I'll do it later" as if I can just leave an over flowing bin all day while looking after kids and needing to dispose of things.

Interesting you say you think your son my be autistic. For so many people (my husband included) the penny drops about their own neurodivergence when going through the process with a child.

AQ score was 43... so pretty high.

Honestly when I was looking into it fir my son I did see traits that I recognised within myself but not loads, I suppose because I'm not a child and I was looking at specifically autism in children and early signs of autism (my son had very delayed speech for example where as I spoke very early)

This afternoon I've been looking more into autism in women and girls which I'm feeling is more familiar to me.

When I've had it mentioned to me in the past I've kind of brushed it off as I felt I obviously was fine and coping... I suppose I'm not really coping but for some reason didn't see my not coping as in any way related.