No energy for “Me Time”

[Nosleepforthismum]

I’m just so bloody knackered. Two kids, DS (2) and DD (8 months). DH is hands on when he’s here but has his own business so is out the house most of the day. I’m a SAHM although the eldest is in nursery two days a week.

DH keeps on encouraging me to have some “Me Time” when the kids are in bed. Like an evening class or hobby. Even just reading a book or taking a bath in peace. The problem is that as soon as it hits about 7pm when everyone’s fed and the kids are in bed it’s like all the energy is instantly zapped from me. I could honestly go to bed at the same time as the kids although I do try to push through until around 9. The kids are both good sleepers (although up early between 5.30/6).

I’m so tired I have been trying to watch the same film for the last 10 days and keep falling asleep within a few minutes of it starting.

Why do I feel like this? Is it just being a parent to two young kids? Do other parents have hobbies and actually do stuff in the evenings? I really want that but it just feels so out of reach for me at the moment.

They are still very young - I am not surprised you feel exhausted. I felt similar at that age. I remember a very kind therapist woman who I'd been referred to for PND told me never to beat myself up if all I want to do is watch TV in the evenings after DD had gone to bed. I had all these ideas that I should be learning a language or doing something "useful" with my time, and she reassured me that actually just zonking out and doing nothing was absolutely fine. It is a season of life that is exhausting and it is fine and normal to rest.

When DD was about 4 I found I had way more energy. I get a break when she's in school, I go to the gym twice a week, I started a hobby one night a week. I couldn't have done that when she was very small, no way. Your time will come.

I couldn't imagine going out at 7pm in Winter to do a hobby after being on the go with 2 little ones , in the Summer when it's light do you think you might have more energy to do something ? I know I have !

My youngest is 2 and I can't get off the sofa once she's in bed. Just do what you have to do to get through I say!

My me time was taking shower, brush my teeth and go to bed with some YouTube and asleep by 7-8pm when my DD was younger. Even now her being 20 months I need to be in bed by 10pm or I am shattered next day.

A baby and a toddler will tire you out. It will get easier though. For now you could make your me time a bath while they're in bed, sitting with a coffee for ten minutes while they nap etc, going to bed as soon as they are and prioritising your rest over other things. It all counts.

How much sleep are you getting? You say you want to go to bed at 7, are you going to bed then and getting up at 5.30? If so that’s 10 hours sleep which seems a lot and it maybe worth seeing a GP. But if your vegging out and going to bed at 9.30 then that sounds fairly normal as long as your happy with what your doing for those couple of hours.

You need your me-time at the weekend when you can actually enjoy it.

Some suggestions:

Lie-in while he does the early get up
He takes them out for a couple of hours
You go out on your own or to meet friends or family without the children
You do a Saturday morning class e.g. yoga or whatever floats your boat
You go to the hairdresser
He does bath and bedtime while you sit downstairs with your fingers in your ears